I don’t like how my FIL interacts with my daughter
My relationship with my in-laws has always been fine. Not great, not bad. They are people I have nothing in common with except their son, so prior to having my daughter, we only saw them every couple of months.
I’m trying to make an effort so my daughter can have a relationship with them. My MIL also seems to be making an effort and meets me halfway on things. I don’t parent how she parented, but she was a SEND teacher so she knows and accepts that parenting styles change so goes along with what I want.
My FIL does NOT.
He says things like “it’s grandparents job to ignore mummy and daddy” and “back in my day, we did this and we’re alright so she’ll be fine.” I’ll ask him to stop playing with her in a certain way (eg: “please don’t give her your glasses to play with, I’ve only just got her to stop grabbing mine”) and he ignores me or says stuff like “I don’t care, my glasses are unbreakable” - missing the point but fine.
When I try to feed her, he gets in her face and tries to make her laugh. When I ask him to stop, he flat out ignores me or says “but she likes it!” My MIL has intervened a few times but he will stop for a few seconds, then start again. She doesn’t always like it either, sometimes she cries and he just tries harder to make her laugh when she does that.
We’ve just started weaning and we went round for dinner. When I was making her plate, he came over with the gravy boat and tried to cover it in gravy?!? Like instant gravy, full of salt, and would not stop offering her bits of lamb covered in this gravy (I’m vegetarian so she hasn’t had meat yet either). And that’s confusing for her, because she goes to take it and I have to intervene and push it away. He kept saying a little salt never hurt anyone, but not only is she A LITTLE BABY she also has a defective kidney so only one works properly and doesn’t need added stress from fucking instant gravy?!?
When not offering food, he was poking her in the belly through her high chair! I kept saying, please let her focus on eating, my partner kept saying it, my MIL kept saying it, but he would not stop.
He’s always grabbing her belly or her legs… and I just don’t think it’s necessary and it’s a bit creepy, I don’t know why. Let her be!!
Even though my MIL does chime in and side with me, I’m really suspicious that she’s only doing it in front of me so I’ll trust her. I want to be able to leave my daughter with her grandparents and have a lovely bond with them but I’m really anxious that once my partner and I aren’t there, hell will be out for recess and they’ll do what they like.
Auuugh just needed to vent.
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My MIL tried to feed my 5 and a half month old whipped cream off her finger last week 🤮 we've only just started Weaning and there's some days he won't eat and we aren't in a rush so don't force it. She couldn't understand why I said he couldn't have it and said well he will be having his own hot chocolate soon.......ermmm no he won't. Now I don't feel confident leaving him with her and it's making me anxious. There's lots of other stuff she's done too x
What is this obsession with having a hot chocolate before bed at like 6mos old?!? My in-laws said the same thing when my baby was really little and I thought they were joking but as times gone on, I’m thinking they were serious 😬
In your instance Incog I don’t blame you and if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t be letting my child stay with them until she was MUCH older say 4, when they’re able to speak and communicate to you if anyone has done/said anything to them that they shouldn’t have.
For now, they can just have supervised visits only and make sure your husband always has your back and stops his dad anytime he does something he shouldn’t either.
If they ask when you’ll be leaving your daughter with them for the day/overnight, be sure to remind them both it won’t be happening any time soon due to FIL not respecting your boundaries. It could potentially be life threatening if as you say your child has a defective kidney and say he gave her some food that was high in salt but he ignored it and didn’t tell you for not wanting to get in trouble and your daughter got seriously ill. It’s not worth the risk.
Same here.... i could have written this post with other kind of exemples...
I’d be LEAVING if that’s how my FIL acted. So disrespectful.
And I would NOT be leaving my baby alone with them, probably ever.
I have had this exact experience with a close family member. If you need to vent or chat more, feel free to message me x
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