How to tell a friend who is struggling TTC

Following as I will have a similar situation in a few weeks and have no idea how to break the news either.

I wouldn’t tell them. There’s no need until you’re 12 weeks + to be honest.

but there’s no need to text now before their weekend together. I’ve been in the same boat as her friend and a lot of my friends too and it’s just a fact that all of us would not want to know until after 12 weeks.

I’m going to tell her because it’ll be so obvious that I’m not drinking, we would always have cocktails / nice wine and she will guess right away. I’d rather she gets the news than has to internalise the it while in my company.

Also I will be 10 weeks, not super early.

I’ve not struggling with fertility but had a few losses. My friend got pregnant right after my second loss and she just text me and said she was pregnant and that it’s not what she would normally do to text but news like that but she didn’t want me to be put on the spot in person, she also said no need to reply just take your time and process x i was so happy for her but still had that little twinge of jealousy and disappointment for myself so it was nice to be able to process that alone and then just be happy when I saw her x

Let her guess then, would that not make it easier?

Personally, from someone who had struggled to get pregnant for 4 years, (found out about endo and needed IVF in that time), I’d rather my friend be open and honest because I believe that what friends are! I was balling my eyes out already from all the sadness and disappointment. But honestly, I was happy for each of my friends when they did get pregnant in those 4 years. Happy for them, sad for myself. There’s a difference. I still cried but ultimately, I was happy for them. If she’s your friend, she’ll be happy for you even if she is sad in her TTC journey 💗

After TTC for years and having two losses, then watching other people around getting pregnant. Honestly it really depends on how close you are to them. Sounds like you are close to this person. I think texting first would be the better way to go. So it gives her time to process it alone. Once she knows, let her take the lead from there. If she’s your friend then she will be happy for you.

I've been in this exact position where I was ttc for 2+ years and a friend blindsided me and told me in person and it was just so hard to process and act normally. I 100% think you should send her a message beforehand letting her know and just be super kind and and gentle. She will be so happy for you but giving her that time to process alone will make the world of difference. Good luck xxx

I just ripped the bandaid off and did it. I called over video and showed her the pregnancy test and called her future auntie, she was super excited and cried from joy. Later in the day she did text me asking why can’t she get pregnant and what is wrong with her body etc to which you can do whatever you deem supportive: listen, empathize, say it will be okay etc. at the end of the day it’s their reaction and how they deal with it it’s their choice, I always advocate for therapy and I’m not a therapist so besides being a kind supportive ear, you can’t do much, but withholding information seemed to be wrong in my situation. Best of luck either way, again it’s their reaction to the news, not the way you said it so if they go ballistic on you, welp that’s on them and they simply don’t know how to properly communicate their emotions/feelings in respective way

I think you’re right, it’s best to prepare them via text before seeing them in person because it gives them more time to process your news privately. Sounds like you’re in a good place to be sympathetic but also honest, that’s what I’d do. Good luck!

Hey lovely peeps - I’m first time pregnant after a hard 4 year wait!

I really appreciated it when friends texted me to tell me first.

It meant I could have a little sob, process etc. then put on my game face and be super happy for them when I saw them in person. Everyone is different but would defo recommend texting first as if you spring it on them you might not get the reaction you expect / they would like to give you.

Towards the end of the 4 years I felt tears come to my eyes as all my friends were having their 2nds etc.

Sending lots of love to everyone xx

Text is best for friends struggling with infertility. We need time to process on our own to be able to show up and be happy for our pregnant friends. I’m pregnant for the first time after 4+ years of TTC and 3 rounds of IVF.

5 of my friends announced their pregnancies over the past couple months before I was pregnant. I really resented anyone showing me positive tests or ultrasounds in person without having the time to process alone before seeing them. My best friend announced over face time which honestly I did not like and felt almost equally as uncomfortable as in person announcements. Of course for all of them, I put on a super happy face and didn’t let anyone know that it was difficult for me to process that information on the spot. The friends who sent me a simple text with no photos were by far the most gentle and appreciated approaches. Then once I saw them in person I could more easily and naturally feel excited for them after having processed my own grief in my corner. Xx

Thank you everyone and so happy for you and ❤️

my friend replied saying that she appreciated me letting her know beforehand. Thanks for all the thoughts everyone x

You are a very good friend for taking the time to investigate the most gentle way to share your exciting news 💕 your friend will always remember that! Congratulations to you too!!! Xx