SIL said she doesn’t like that I’m pregnant…

It’s important for you to tell her how you feel but I would also recommend to be compassionate.
She was honest with you and told you she was avoiding you because she lost her pregnancy… you are in a very vulnerable state and so is her.
She’s probably thinking her belly would’ve been looking like yours and that you and your brother would’ve had babies at the same time so they would’ve been more than just cousins… her mind is going so many places constantly and your belly keeps on growing.
That doesn’t mean she is trying to project negative energy, she’s just sad.
I’m sorry you are both going through this, I know people that lost pregnancies while I was too and I was scared the whole time.

I've just been through this with my SIL, her and my brother have been TTC for several years and two failed IVF attempts. However, she didn't offload on me like this.
I think it's important that you tell her how you feel, however she is going through an awful time so try to be compassionate.
I was very fortunate that towards the end of my pregnancy my SIL got over it and now is a very loving auntie to my boy. Your SIL may be the same!
I doubt that she's trying to make you feel bad, it won't be about you, it'll be her own feelings overwhelming her.

She is in a very dark place at the moment and she probably feels that it may not happen for her.
I do get how you feel especially heavily pregnant... Try to take in on the chin or avoid her for the remainder of your pregnancy so you dont feel overwhelmed. You can let her know that you feel very sad with the loss but you are about to give birth and it does require a lot from you both physically and mentally and that you need to focus on being relaxed for babys wellbeing.
It is very tragic what happened, she is going through a lot so be gentle but look after yourself.

Thank you for your comments everyone.

It’s good to have others thoughts and opinions on this, as I don’t want to upset her and at the same time want a peaceful pregnancy/birth 💜

Miscarriages are soooooo incredibly hard. They literally break your entire work apart. However the one thing I learned from mine was that I can’t put my troubles and my pain ok other people. That’s MINE and mine alone. The world unfortunately keeps moving when you loose someone, and how you deal with it is what makes a stronger and better person in the long run. But screaming at you and hating you for being pregnant is completely unacceptable. You can hurt and feel however you want, however you can not put your hurt and feelings on someone else and you can’t expect that world to end just because yours did. I hope she goes to therapy or some form of counseling cuz she definitely needs it.

She can be sad but she shouldn't let it change the way she treats you. That's just completely not okay.

I haven't been in you or your SILs exact situation but I dealt with infertility for over 5 years. Both my sister and my SIL got pregnant and had babies while I was going through fertility treatments. My SIL actually got pregnant twice/had two babies during that time. I'd venture a guess that she thought that she was being compassionate when she saw me but it definitely didn't feel like it on my end. On the opposite hand, my sister was very compassionate. I was comfortable spending time with my sister but dreaded seeing my SIL during all of it. I never discussed how I felt with my SIL (although maybe it would have been good to address) but I'm sure she could tell that I was avoiding her.

I'd be curious to know how you are being compassionate towards her. If you haven't experienced anything like what she is going through and haven't researched how to support her then you may very well think you are being helpful/compassionate but are actually being hurtful to her unintentionally.

She’s hurting for herself.
It’s easy to project onto you because you’re close.

Miscarriage and infertility are very very hard and it’s very much a pity party kinda vibes when you’re in the trenches.

I’d accept her honesty and just keep your own distance if that’s what you need. You’ve done nothing wrong in this situation at all.

She’s projecting her life onto yours and that is NOT ok! Tell her how you feel, you’ve supported her and was gentle but you cannot tip toe your pregnancy and life around her/ anyone else.

Enjoy your pregnancy and remain as compassionate as you are today.

You being pregnant and her friend being pregnant are very different things. You are family and she will forever be in the life and your baby will be a forever reminder that her child died. It is absolutely harder with you than her friend.
Personally, I wouldn’t go and tell her how you feel. She’s grieving her baby, just let her have her feelings and process them.
Unless you when loved infertility and miscarriage, you can’t comprehend the dark thoughts and ugly feelings it leaves you with.
At the end of the day, you’ll have your baby. Hers has died. You have your happy ending. She has an empty hole in her heart and your baby will forever be a reminder of that, unfortunately.
You’re still allowed to enjoy your pregnancy and your baby and if you need to distance yourself, that’s fair enough.

My sister and I were pregnant at the same time, she was due a month before me. She lost her baby at 29 weeks. I remember going to see my sister in the ICU and doing everything I could to hide my bump. It was heartbreaking. She was showing me pictures she had taken of her baby girl and I just sat there and didn’t know what to say or do. Fast forward after I gave birth she didn’t meet her nephew for over 3 years. I understood and never questioned it but years went by and she had more children and still didn’t want to meet my son. I eventually gave up trying. Let her avoid if she wants. My son is 11 now and she’s seen him maybe 3 times.

That’s so sad Alyson x baby loss is so tragic.

Please don’t tell your SIL that her offloading to you has upset you, she sounds like she’s in a dark place. Having someone to talk to might have been what she needed, or she might have realised after she went too far. It’s not her fault, it’s a bad situation. Just support her or if she’s too draining, then tell her you need to step back until your baby arrives. Good luck x

this is so sad to read. I hope my SIL is able to heal from her loss and I pray she can have a relationship with my baby. Because no matter what anyone says, this lack of relationship will hurt 💔

Your sister and my SIL have every right to be upset and hurt. It’s ok to feel feelings.
However they DO NOT have the right to hate on us or our child personally.

It’s a sensitive situation which I think at this stage of my pregnancy, I will kindly leave alone so she can have space🙏🏽 I pray for healing and that she doesn’t carry any resentment towards me and baby once they’re here.

I cancelled any announcement I had planned for my baby. Due to health reasons I hadn’t shared the news with most people.

She asked me not to tell extended family about me expecting, so I respected her wishes. Anything she wanted, I was happy to accommodate as I didn’t want her to hurt even more.

I wear loose clothing around her and had a small baby shower at her request.

I have nothing baby related on show in my own home such as scans etc. I don’t post any bump pictures on social media as she said it makes her sad.

I do feel I’ve been compassionate and kind, giving her space and letting her cry to me and speak openly when she has wanted to and respecting her wishes around my pregnancy.

At this point I feel I have shortchanged mine and my partners joy to tiptoe around her feelings but everything we have done has sadly not been enough, after her recent outburst.
Respectfully I don’t want her feelings to affect the celebration or happiness of my babies birth 🙏🏽

Personally this to me is a little over accommodating. Once again as tragic and terrible miscarriage is it’s not fair to you. I didn’t rub my pregnancy in my sister’s face but I also didn’t try to hide the pregnancy altogether. The fact you don’t have things on show in your own home. Not telling people about one of the most exciting things in your life , no bump pictures… that’s not fair. What is she going to do when baby comes? How does she act when she sees pregnant women outside ? It’s a touchy subject all around and I don’t wish miscarriage on anyone but maybe she needs to seek therapy. It’s not healthy to demand to shut down other’s happiness in spite of your own.

I have been on your SIL side so I will always empathise. However, you should not hide your pregnancy.
You should rub it in her face but you are allowed to celebrate your baby. You’re allowed scan photos in your home.
It is up to her if she needs to take a step back to not see it as opposed to you literally hiding it and pretend it doesn’t exist.

Yeah, it sounds like you are being very accommodating. I think you should be able to have things in your home and heck even on social media if that's something you would like to do (although if I was in her shoes, I would unfollow you for now). It seems unreasonable for her to ask you not to tell family about your pregnancy. I can understand not wanting to be there for the announcement or baby shower or hear about them but you should still be able to do those things and talk to others about them.
Maybe it turns out that my SIL didn't even try lol. She has made every dang conversation since she conceived her first about her and her kiddos. Like I'd be sharing with my MIL about our failed treatment cycle and she'd interrupt to talk about her pregnancy or baby. Sounds like our situations are very far from the same. I'm sorry, you have been very very considerate and she seems to be taking advantage of that.

I think because I have not experienced MC, I wanted to do all I could to help her. I’ve suffered a lot of losses (sibling, parent etc) and empathise greatly.
Grief makes us do odd things at the best of times.
I thought maybe I’m not doing enough, if she is able to celebrate her friends baby but not mine which is why I went above and beyond.

But my partner has said many times, I have been people pleasing to the maximum and I do feel I may have reached my limit.

I will kindly discuss with my brother about if she is seeking therapy or counselling to support as I don’t think I can accommodate anything beyond what I have done so far.

Of course I will always be kind to her but once my baby is here, I will not be able to contain my happiness and hide away for her sake.

I pray she gets the right help and hopefully conceives again soon 🙏🏽 as it will be difficult to remain silent if the baby is here and if I have to endure the receiving end of her anger/jealously.