How to support my partner..
My partners mother is something else. Long story short when we finally grew a backbone and said we felt uncomfortable having her watch our daughter since she is with an abusive man (who’s assaulted my partner and even her) and she basically said we were using our child as a weapon and made up lies to the family that we have been on drugs when she’s come to visit (hilarious part is her boyfriend is a coke head the delusion of this woman is insane). There so much more to the story but Id have to write a novel.
Anyways even after cutting contact he decided to invite his Mum & younger siblings (NOT her partner) to our wedding as a final olive branch because as much as he didnt want her there, he felt wrong excluding her from this huge life event. Anyway my partners brother messages him last night saying “oh I heard about mum not wanting to come to the wedding”. This is news to us, as she never even bothered to let my partner know she wasnt coming.. no text, nothing. So had my partners brother not said anything we wouldve had no idea until the day and how awful would that have been. I cant imagine him looking for his mum in the seats and her chair just being empty.. not to mention his youngest siblings are too young to come alone so shes essentially robbing him of them being there for their oldest brothers wedding…
Anyway the reason for my post is I am so lost on how to support my partner through this. He likes to push these things to the back of his mind and not talk about them but I can still tell he is really down about it. Hes only just started doing better since the last disappointment from her which caused us to go no contact and now its all started up again. I cant imagine how he must be feeling and its especially worse since he doesnt even have a dad in his life anyway. His only parent left has essentially turned her back on him and chosen an abusive man over her own son. I can tell he feels so let down and I am really worried about him and have no idea what I can do to make him feel better and support him through this…
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Remind him that he now has his own mini family and although it doesn’t take away from the hurt that his mum is causing, tell him that this mini family is even more special because you CHOOSE to be his family (and not just because of birth).
He can not change his mother and he can not make her love him enough to choose him and your child over an abusive partner BUT what he can control is how he decides to move forward. Your wedding will be the perfect way to start your married life surrounded by loving people who WANT to be there to share this happy occasion and support your mini family on your future path.
Just remind him that you will always be there and will that he should take all the hurt and disappointment he has/had and turn it into love for your child so she will never grow up doubting the love you both have for her. Xxx
I take it it wouldn’t be possible for his brother to bring the younger siblings? Seems so sad for them to have to miss out
Agree with . Allow him space to mourn and don’t force him to get over her quickly. It’s probably best to think of it as him mourning the relationship with his mother that he will never have.
Having been through something similar, it does take time. Also therapy could be really helpful.
Can he ask his mum if she will actually be coming or not? Brother said she doesn’t want to not that she wouldn’t be going ?
he said he will ask but its unlikely she will allow it
she told him shes not going I guess thats just the way I worded it.. We’re not chasing up responses for the wedding there was an RSVP date on the invitation xx
yeah i fully agree, im giving him time of course its just so hard to know how else i can support him and be there for him when he doesnt want to talk about it
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