A cheating partner? Or am I just being paranoid by overthinking?
I'm a new mom, 2.5 months post partum.
My partner just got a new job a month after I gave birth. He's allowed to work from home 3 days a week, but the remaining 2 days should be in his office.
During his first three weeks in his new job, he was working in office everyday(I asked him why so, and he said because he wanted to be familiar with his new work). I found out that he always eat lunch at the same time with his colleagues in cafeteria, and all of them are women (Men in his office eat in their own desks.) I confronted him before that it makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that he is the only guy eating lunch with them. He said he just want to know them, yet will not do it again.
Lately I found out that he still takes his lunch break with them but lesser time. I confronted him again why he always choose to take his lunch break at the same time of those women wherein he can take his lunch break at whatever time he wanted. He got annoyed by my questions, so he asked me "why do you care?".
He plays different genre of music nowadays which he never played before, and he is more conscious with his looks now that he always make sure looking good before going to work, unlike before when he was on his old job. He never put perfume when we are having a date or going out, but he does now every time he goes to office.
I would say his libido is really going crazy this past couple of weeks that even if we just had sex, he would still masturbate the next day in secret(seems like he doesn't want me to know that he did that). He is also trying new positions in bed which he never did before or something that I'm aware he's not fond of doing.
He is a nice guy, but some of his words doesn't match with his actions sometimes. Am I just overthinking that he is cheating on me? He said I'm too sensitive and over analyzing things.
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Usually when they start acting different they are about to start testing the waters of cheating if they aren’t already… I would keep communicating with him about how you feel because you’re a new mom and he should be more considerate of how you feel… My only question is if he is what are you going to do about it?
The cologne is a red flag. He's invalidating your feelings. It seems a third party may help. If you have access, start marriage counseling to help meditate and help with communicating effectively.
Did he always work in an office environment prior to this new job? My partner and I had both had office jobs when we met, and I would have lunch all the time with my male coworker (who's now my best friend and his wife named their daughter after me). My husband would have lunch with female coworkers and when everyone would go out for drinks he would go. I never felt suspicious because we spend alot of time at work and we need to build friendships to vent and talk about things. I'm about to go on a work trip and I've been buying new clothes and changing my eating habits and buying makeup - I'm self conscious about working from home for 5 years and want to look good for this trip. My husband doesn't suspect that I'm cheating though. Talk to him and express that you're feeling insecure and need reassurance that you can trust him. If he's never given you reason to not trust him and he's a good partner and father, I think his behavior can be explained.
I'm just trying to give you a different perspective.
👏🏻 👏🏻 this was spot on. All of it points to testing waters - men like attention and sounds like he’s getting it. Masturbating too? In secret, how hurtful 😔
If you are suspecting that he is cheating you are going to be looking for reasons to validate that suspicion. I would be bothered with him not reassuring your feelings. But instead why do you care!? Um I care because you’re my partner and I want a future with you!? If he doesn’t care about how you are feeling then there’s a definite problem. Maybe you are being irrational, can you suggest a night out with his co-workers, or maybe stop by at his work bring him some lunch and assess the situation? Oh I just happened to be in the area here’s a coffee for you honey. Or bring in baked goods to the office for everyone??
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