Tantrums

Yess mines 19m now and it started around 17m I think. 😭

I feel like the recommended ways to deal with a tantrum are so unhelpful too

Yes , mine my 19 month son throw tantrums all day long he is fine as long as I am sitting with him on sofa while he is playing with toys or watching cartoons as soon as I am walking away just a step away he will cry his lungs out

we’re going insane because she screams and screams like crazy if we don’t pick her up and carry her around all day

same it’s getting hard to get things done while he is awake ,
I thought I was going through this because I just came back after long vacation from my mom house and he was used to so many people there but nope I think it’s just a phase

Yessss I’m at a lost because i feel like when i try and talk to her she still don’t understand and trying small discipline still might not work either

Yes my daughter has been throwing lots of tantrums for the past 2 months or so progressively getting worse? I will say some weeks are harder than others tho.. 🤷🏾‍♀️ toddlers are not for the weak! Instead of screaming she’s goes through breath holding spells. Scares me sooo much! The pediatrician says it’s normal tho 😭

I feel like this current stage is exhausting because we definitely can’t communicate through her feelings because she doesn’t know what I’m saying in the first place lol. She’s just pissed and confused.

same here. Worn the hell out. I’m trying to give her as much grace as I can and just remind myself that they grow out of it. I will say, 2 under two is not something we’ll repeat 😭😭

The only thing that has worked for me is picking my battles and setting hard boundaries on the important things, then ignoring the tantrum. So when I need to cook is a big one. He used to make it impossible. So, I started setting the hard boundary that I could not carry him while cooking. I'd explain it to him calmly. Validate his feelings of frustration and then ignore the tantrum that came after. The logic is that we do not want to reward the behavior with more attention. Instead, I would pay him extra attention when it ended or whenever he offered an alternative (his learning tower to help mommy cook or he'd get toys). It has worked wonders so far.

i have a feeling this isn’t so much of a phase but rather the next 2/3 years of our lives 😅😅😅 where did my calm, quiet baby go 😫

seriously 😭😂 wouldn’t trade it for the world though 🥲

definitely going to try that. It’s just so hard because I’m often holding her sister and she’s blaring right into her ears which concerns me.

i have 2 under 2 as well and I’m doneee 🥲😭

@Anphisa so when I'm doing "planned ignoring," I don't look in his direction (except I do out of out of the corner of my eye) or talk to him. I just go about as if nothing is happening. If you need to make some space for her sister, I think that works perfectly with planned ignoring. Just as long as you can still see her and she is in a safe space. The key is to not let them know we are still watching them. Keep at this for a couple weeks and you should see great results. Don't forget to give extra praise and attention when the tantrum is done or when they don't tantrum in a moment when they normally would have. Or just for doing as you ask. Behavior + Attention = More Behavior. Give attention to desirable behaviors. Also, this is probably not the best strategy for hitting or anything where their safety is a concern.

definitely will try this. I know consistency is key with discipline too. Thank you so much

We don't immediately coddle her. We sit down beside her, and if she looks at us, we say "big breath," and we take a big breath, making sure to blow into her face so she can figure out what we were doing. After a while, she is now starting to show that when she's getting upset, we see her take an exaggerated breath. If we are sitting down next to her and she climbs into our laps, we give little hugs and continue modeling breathing. This was taught to us from her speech therapist. We knew even before she told us that the tantrums are 90% frustration from not being able to communicate. As we learn the root cause of each tantrum, we try to teach her a sign or signal for that item so that in the future, she can communicate that thing. Sometimes, we just can't figure out what caused it, however.

We innately did something very similar to Dianelis, but then she started to bash her head into the wall or floor hard enough to give her some large bruises. So we had to pivot, and that's when the speech therapist suggested we model a calming technique to help actually teach her to self regulate her emotions. After discussing, we thought a deep breath was a good start point due to her age and development capabilities. And yes its worked. Tantrums are less often, less severe, and last far less time too before we see that she starts taking that deep breath which we praise and clap hands when she does it.

@Alyssa I didn't come up with this strategy myself. It's what the AAP recommends to deal with tantrums, but I also differentiate between the causes of the tantrums (actually hate to call it that) and have a couple of different strategies. My son is saying quite a bit, so it's not usually a matter of not understanding what he wants. I ignore the tantrum when he is testing boundaries. When he is frustrated because he can't reach something, something is hard to do, etc, we also practice deep breaths. He has been doing really well with this, but each child is different, so what works for mine may not work for others.

can you please explain me how to practice deep breath with your little one , first time mom here and I want to learn as much as I can to help my little one when he is frustrated and throwing tantrums

@Deep I am definitely no expert either lol but I am happy to share what has worked for me. When I see him whining/crying out of frustration (like when he is trying do something but can't quite get it), I get down to his level and tell him: "It looks like you are frustrated. When we are frustrated, it makes it harder to do things. Let's try to calm down by taking deep breaths." (Or something like that) I say this very calmly and almost quietly while making eye contact. Then, I take large exaggerated breaths. He then starts copying me or just calms down. He now does it on his own or with prompting. I then usually tell him to try again at whatever was frustrating him because some things take more effort. Hope that helps!

oh did he understand I think my little won’t understand it may be that what I think I should try and see if that works

@Deep at first you will have to repeat, "You are frustrated. Let's take deep breaths." Repeat it until they understand. Taking exaggerated breaths helps them put it together or that's how it was with my son.