Am I a bad mom for canceling my son’s birthday party?

he’s 2 isn’t he? this is very normal behaviour. cancelling a party for normal toddler tantrums is a bit ridiculous

I think it’s a bit drastic if you ask me he’s a child he doesn’t know what he’s doing

Sounds like he’s just being a toddler… I think it’s a bit harsh to cancel his birthday party for that, sorry.

I agree with the above comments

he’s 2 next week but I can very much say that his behavior isn’t terrible twos before anyone ofc says something,he’s been like that ever since he turned 1 x

almost 2 yes, but the behavior has been since 1,I’ve spoken to HV and all a waiting game x

he still doesn’t understand what he’s doing. I think it’s a bit drastic to cancel his birthday party

You're not a bad mom but your expectations for a almost 2 year old are not realistic. Toddlers throw tantrums, that's how they communicate. They don't do it because they're bad they just have no better way of communicating. Same with sulking. You're punishing him for behaviour that is normal for his age, he's way too young to understand why a tantrum isn't good behaviour. You cancelling his party for that is kind of mean spirited, and you putting your own feelings into it isn't right either. Sorry to be a bit harsh but I'm a little shocked by this question. Again, not a bad mom but what you're doing isn't right, in my opinion.

* clarify- my sons been doing this behavior since 1, his dad (not involved) has adhd,I’m on the spectrum of autism,I’ve spoken to HV and they said it’s a waiting game really,he does start nursery in a few weeks,he has got signs of autism that I’ve noticed but I can’t get him tested until he’s 4😢 before anyone judges me,just understand that as a single mom it’s hard- and like I’ve said he’s done it since he was 1*

I think it’s sad you’ve cancelled it, he’s a toddler and can’t fully regulate his emotions or behaviour yet. Having his birthday party taken away is a bit mean x

Are you cancelling it as punishment, or just because you’re worried about the tantrums during the party?

Is it likely that he’d actually behave better with other people around? I know my son will have a fraction of the amount of tantrums when other people are around so the tantrums might not be much of an issue at his party

Agree with above, I found firm boundaries with consequences for the day things happen and extra praise with you good things to try reset and encourage good behaviour helped, kinda like an overhype especially if they hv additional needs. What also helped my wee boy is having dedicated time with no distractions together which helped when he’s not getting it.

even if he does have autism or adhd it’s still not his fault and he doesn’t deserve to be punished on his birthday

* another thing,I canceled because it’s taken a toll on me personally,I’m not punishing my child for canceling his party,I’m canceling because his behavior has taken a toll and I’ve told his HV. I’ve also spoken to my family and they’ve said he’s 2 he won’t remember it, when he’s 3/4 he will*

Bit much imo. Maybe it’d actually be good to remember all the reasons to celebrate him. Toddlers can be tough but as others have said it is normal.
Are you cancelling it to punish his behaviour or is it because you’re struggling at the moment and don’t want to face people? Maybe you need a break?

If he does have autism, that's even more of a reason not to cancel. He can't control his behaviour the way a neurotypical kid maybe could (but again, at 2 I'd say pretty much all toddlers have issues with that). No one is judging, just trying to put things in perspective and help you see that you might have made the wrong choice. We all need that at times.

Birthday parties are core memories for a lot of people and also a chance to create friendships (both for him and you with the parents). I think it’s a shame to cancel a whole birthday over some behaviour you’ll like forget about in years to come. You won’t however forget that you took a celebration of your child’s birth away…

not for punishment, I wouldn’t do that for punishment. It’s not the tantrums I’m worried about,I’ve put notes on this post so you can see as to why x

Just saw your latest post, if you’re stressed and it’s too much then yes think it’s ok to cancel. He won’t really understand it properly at this age. Maybe you can do something nice on the day just the two of you or with family? Go to a soft play/ the park/ make a little picnic or something. Then you’re not doing nothing which might make you feel worse but not having the stress of a party if you’re feeling overwhelmed.

his birthday is 27th so we are going to my moms and doing some cupcakes for him and something small,exactly he won’t remember it at this age so I think it’s also a good thing Ive canceled as he’s still young,next year and so on he will have one until he’s old enough to say he don’t want them anymore 😅

ah didn’t see those.

Honestly at this age it’s pretty unlikely they’ll remember whether they had a birthday party or not, so if it’s best for you then I’d say cancelling is fine 🤷🏼‍♀️.

I’ve already said I’m not doing my son a party for his 2nd birthday 😂

My mum did this as a punishment (she’s Jamaican) & It really made me feel unloved/uncared for; she was also very extreme about it too. He might not remember this one but I wouldn’t do it again when he’s older. It does sound like you are both going through a lot, could you compromise & do something more low key instead?

I mean, you don't have to throw a huge party, but family gatherings are still more than enough to celebrate. We took my youngest to a dinosaur themed restaurant for her 2nd birthday back in September, and then we went away for the weekend to a caravan park. She loved it. Parties are too much tbh, you are just wasting your money haha

that sounds great. No point throwing a party you’re not going to enjoy. I’m sure he’ll have a lovely birthday 🎈🎈

At 2 years old that’s normal behavior and even if he does have adhd or autism that makes it even more of a normal behavior for him that he can’t control.
Instead of just waiting and letting it take its toll and affecting your life and his, I would immediately start researching ways to deal with and redirect him during tantrums because it’s just going to get worse if you don’t. Especially if he’s on the spectrum this isn’t something he’s just going to grow out of.

You don’t want to pretend to be happy on a day which is meant for him 😩 sorry but that sounds harsh! If you see previous posts, a lot of people are struggling with behaviour (as am I!) but it’s normal toddler behaviour! They test boundaries…
And to punish him when you are even considering he has autism is even worse…

Yes you are
This is an almost 2 year old and your expectations are unrealistic. Be fr but maybe you would have to cancel every birthday party if you think the tantrums re going to get better lol

I completely disagree with this. It’s meant to be his day to celebrate and cancelling it for normal behaviour is just so baffling to me. Sounds like you need help and not the child because to take away a party for normal behaviour because you can’t cope is just plain wrong and very harsh.

no I’m not actually. Besides if you read everything else you wouldn’t be so quick to judge-Karen!

call me Karen for not agreeing. You asked a question and I answered. And I read them all before commenting.
I have a 2 year old and my daughter has had tantrums a very bad one at that since she turned one. But that didn’t mean she wouldn’t have a birthday party if I already planned it and had to cancel cos of her behaviour.

For example. Few days ago my daughter threw my brand new vanity mirror stool worth £300 all the way downstairs because I told her no more screen time for the day. But then because of her behaviour I should cancel her birthday party?. I am not judging you. I am saying it’s shouldn’t be so because at the end we all find a way to deal with our 2 year old. It’s one of the hardest stage to deal with believe me. I’d say go on with the party because guess what, it won’t get better u just have to find a way to deal with it

You’ve asked for ppls opinions so I don’t think it’s necessary to call ppl Karen’s 😆. Ur kids 2 and u seem to be judging his behaviour as for no reason when we can’t see into their brains and it can be just as much of a challenge for them as it is for us. I do understand as a mum with additional needs and hv a son with them, some kids do remember and it might be worth getting support. It’s unfair to slam mums who are busy for not ready ur every comment in the comments when ur original post said you’d cancelled it flat out because of his behaviour. I understand struggling but why would u have to pretend to be happy on a day that’s so special 👀 I’d maybe try breathe with his behaviour tho because it can be so normal at this stage and every kid goes through stages of not listening flat and then being an angel.

you can’t call her a Karen for answering a question you literally asked 😂😂

Don't worry about what others think. Do what you feel is best for you and your son. I know lots of people not having a party this year.

Why even ask if you didn't want opinions? You asked for opinions. No one was rude at all.

I’m also a single mama of a 2 year old (on Saturday 🥹). My little girls not having a party simply because I work full time, raise her alone and the stress of having a houseful in my tiny house and catering/cleaning up after loads of people feels soo off putting. Instead, we’re going to peppa pig world on Saturday with just her grandparents so she’ll still have a nice day… just find something that’ll make your son happy without stressing yourself out for it 🩷

I think it’s a little drastic to cancel the party but if you feel you’ll be overwhelmed then there’s not much you can do apart from do something smaller. Hopefully you didn’t do too much planning. Unfortunately at this age tantrums are developmentally normal, embarrassing and triggering yes but normal. You can get support from your HV for how to manage his behaviour x

My son is 2 on the 31st and he's also going through the tantrums! I think it's just the age, we try to ignore them.

I find that my son is actually happier when there's people around, he's got more distractions and things to do and people to play with and he seems happier. When my son is with me alone he is the devil 🤣 my point is maybe it's your anxiety stopping you because you feel like it'll be like every other day but it could actually be better for him to be around people celebrating him.

Either way; it's your choice. We did a party last year and it was so chaotic and messy we chose to just have our parents over for his birthday next week.

As long as you're not cancelling out of punishment, which you said you're not, do what's best for you 🥰 I hope he has a lovely birthday either way.

Reading your comments on the thread, I don't think it read how you meant it when you originally posted x

You need to do what you need to do to be healthy mentally for your child. If the party is too much for you, it's too much! He won't know. You're not doing it as a punishment and you need to do what's best for your family. If he was older and knew what was going on, it would be different but he's not. I did an incredibly low key birthday bash for my boy and that's all I had capacity for. It was great! Xx

Love that idea!

@Kiara if it's gonna stress you out and give you anxiety then cancel it. You got to take care of your own mental health as well! Your little cupcake party with family sounds perfect for your wee boy 🧁