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Incognito Only! 👻

Tubal Reversal Disappointment

Three years ago, after I had my first child, I was in a very dark place, in a bad relationship, and I made the decision to get my tubes tied because I honestly believed I was going to struggle to be a decent mom.

My daughter is now three, and while parts of it don’t come naturally the affirmations I receive from my family, including my own mom, about how patient I am with her, and how I’m a great mom have made me realize my logic was flawed.

The last six months I have been considering having my tubal ligation reversed because I want the opportunity to have more children, to watch them learn and grow, to have big holidays, to be able to take the grand babies so my children can go on a date with their partner or whatever.

I made the decision to start the process and had the records from my surgery sent to the new doctor. It turns out they removed my entire tubes (I was 22) and there is nothing they can do.

I am struggling to process this. On one hand I knew that it could be possible that I couldn’t have it reversed, but with my age I just assumed it would be possible. I feel so heartbroken, regretful, ashamed, disappointed, and spiritually confused.

As I’ve been processing I’ve realized a man who wants a family is never going to sign up to be with a woman where the potential of conception costs around $10,000 a pop. The vision I have of myself is being in my 30s and I am not with a man but in an intimate entanglement with my not-so-local IVF clinic and binders of sperm donors.

Waking up every morning is crushing. Thank you for giving me space to share and (hopefully) receive some support.