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Incognito Only! 👻

Am I in the wrong here? Miscarriage and pregnancy issues. Read comments for the rest.

Ok I am currently pregnant with my 3rd baby. It was an unplanned surprise pregnancy. I became pregnant in July of last year. My younger sister had previously mentioned to me that her and her husband were trying to get pregnant and had been trying for about 6-7 months at the time. I was so nervous to tell my family about my pregnancy for this reason. My husband and I were actively trying to not get pregnant and still ended up pregnant.

When I told my family I checked on my younger sister and tried to be as sensitive as I could. Fast forward to January this year and she announces she’s finally pregnant. We were all thrilled for her.

Unfortunately at her first appointment there was no baby, just the placenta growing. They had to wait two weeks before it was confirmed that she had suffered a very early partial miscarriage. She was given the abortion pill to attempt to get the placenta to come away.

I knew of the first attempt and had learned from my mom that she was told if it didn’t work she would need a D&C. I said that I would do my best to be as supportive and respectful as i could possibly be. My mom and I discussed how I should go about interactions with my sister as I am still pregnant and due in May. This was at the beginning of February. We talked about that I would avoid complaining about my pregnancy or being a mom to my other boys but that I should continue to include them in my pregnancy and our kiddos lives as much as usual.

Fast forward a few more weeks and I get a message from my sister directed and me and my other siblings about how she needs us to reach out to her more because she is really struggling. This same day I had a mental breakdown to my husband about everything we still needed to get done around our house before the baby arrived. I had at the time about 6 or 7 weeks left and the whole house needs to be deep cleaned, we had nothing prepped and no plans for when my husband leaves. My husband decided to have me make a list of everything we needed to get done and then from that list he sent a message to both our families saying we needed help with some things. He did not know about the message from my sister.


( Now a little about me, I am the mom to two toddler boys. My oldest was diagnosed with autism in December and was at that time starting therapy and we were trying to figure out how it all would work and what more we needed to do for him with our insurance and his doctors to get him all set up. My husband is in the national guard as a recruiter and works crazy hours so I am the sole caregiver most of the time for our boys. I am in charge of managing schedules and ensuring our children are always taken care of. My husband is also leaving a month after our baby is due for a 2.5 month training. I am still trying to plan and prepare for this time when I will be a full single parent to 3 boys. We are currently in a financial situation that has been extremely stressful and has caused me to start driving Uber on weekend nights to try to assist us to make ends meet and get items needed for our next arrival. I have adhd and due to my pregnancy it has been very difficult to manage most simple daily tasks. I also was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and have had to learn how to manage it. all of this is going on during this time).

A week or so later we went in for a ultrasound to check on our babies growth. We were able to get some adorable pictures of our babies face. Every other ultrasound we have tried to see his face but he’d always been hiding and we just couldn’t get a picture or even a glance at his face at all. We were so excited to share it with our families and I sent it in our family group chats along with letting everyone know that he looks great and is growing right on schedule and is only in the 51st percentile. Which is amazing considering my gestational Diabetes. My sister liked the picture and then promptly removed herself from the group chat, same with her husband.

I tried to reach out when I remembered and had a moment to spare. I wrote quite a few messages that never got sent due to being distracted by my kids or some other thing.

My sons birthday was March 16th and at his birthday party my sister was very cold and quiet around me, my kids and husband. I didn’t know why and just played it off as she was struggling. I tried to be as nice and genuine as I could be while also talking to our guests and keeping my autistic son safe and not over stimulated. The next day we had family dinner with my side and when we went to sing to my son happy birthday, my sister and her husband walked out of the house. I was extremely confused and tried really hard to not be offended. ( I should mention I also have really bad rejection sensitivity dysphoria especially with my family). Later that night I asked one of my other sisters about it. She mentioned that my sister and her husband were really struggling with the loss of their baby and that my sister had to go in and get a d&c. I had not heard any updates about the situation and though I had reached out to her I was usually met with cold and short responses of “thanks I’m fine”.

My other sister also mentioned that it was very rude of me to have sent the list of things we needed help with before our baby was due. I then explained that I had not known about my husbands plan to send the message and he hadn’t known about the text from my sister. I learned as well that my brother in laws family had basically ostracized them for another family situation and that his dad had been in and out of the hospital a few times the last few weeks. I had no knowledge of any of this and said that I would continue to try and reach out and stopped sharing any news about our baby or my upcoming delivery around my sister and brother in law.

Last week I reached out and asked about her well being. She actually responded and asked if we could get lunch together when she was on spring break. I agreed and said that Wednesday or Friday would be best due to my sons therapy schedule. I said I would have to bring my boys due to my husbands busy work schedule. We agreed upon a time and a place and left it at that. Each interaction before todays lunch has been extremely awkward and icy coming from her and my brother in law. I have tried to be friendly and talk to them but they have usually given very short responses and then walked away.

We’ll finally today was the day we agreed to get lunch. I arrived a bit early to get my kiddos settled and fed. When she arrived she came in all smiles and acting fairly normal. We chatted for a minute and she asked me about my pregnancy and my current situation with me driving Uber. I tried to not say too much about the pregnancy and did my best to stay positive about my current life. I then asked how she was doing and she said better now that she’s in therapy. Then she said that she wanted to talk to me about some things that I had done. I said ok and she brought up my husbands message. I listened and then explained my side of the story. She said she felt it was very rude and heartless and explained that I completely understood. That had obviously not been our intentions and my husband was trying to help me on a really rough day. I explained that I had not yet talked to him about her message and therefore he had no knowledge.

She brought up how she needed my support and felt that I hadn’t been there for her and she asked if she could teach me about miscarriages and what they are like. Now I have never personally been through one but I know a lot of friends and family who have. I explained that I did know what they were and understood as much as I could what it was. This is when she brought up the picture of my ultrasound and said that she felt like it was a slap in the face because that day she had gone through her second dose of the abortion pill. I had no knowledge of this prior to this moment. I explained how that was never and would never be my intentions and that I was trying to share a joyous moment with my family. She said I should have checked with her first