Please no hate

No advice, but I can totally understand. My husband has gone through the same, constant abuse, nothing is ever good enough, despite ss actually living with us from 5 through to 13. Only moving bk with her last year. She was nowhere to be seen except birthday and Xmas and one year she 4got his birthday, his own mum. Anyway my husband is the same had enough. I've told him I'll support what ever he chooses. It will be hard but when your up against these vile women it's draining. I don't know why these women make things so hard. It kills my husband to even think it but why are they expected to just put up with it.

even with a child arrangement order in place its vile. I told my partner the same thing I'll support whatever he chooses. Watching from my own view its sad that's it coming to that point

I know, I honestly don't get it. It's no fault of the child and you just know they'll tell the child dad doesn't care when that's absolutely not the case. I actually hate ss mum shes so so vile. We were so so upset he went to live back there, but we always said we'd do what made him happy.

Is there a family member who can do the pick up and drop offs someone who won't retaliate to whatever abuse she tries to pull, the less contact she has with your house the better, we do it where we drop off at school and pick up from their too and its reduced alot of the contact and arguments, and I usually do the texting to the ex because I don't bite at any comments

sadly not in the cao there is a half way point location and courts said no contact center or third party as it is already in a public area.

How old is the child? Could he block her phone number and do drop off/pick up from a family member? Or if the child is old enough could they meet in a public car park and child can go straight from dads car to mums car with no communication?
It’s an awful situation and sounds so stressful but i’d encourage him to keep in touch with his child and just cut off the mother

child is 9 been through court for the 4 years. There is a half way location in place at in a public area courts said no third party or contract due to the public area. They use a parenting app. But is the abuse on the app, personal text messages, voicemails etc

Tell him to get a new phone, new number & email address use that and DO NOT give the ex the new number, obviously download the app and continue to use that as most parenting apps you can’t delete the messages and these can be used in court etc.
is he still going through court? Is he able to bring up the harassment? We did this and ex is not allowed to contact my husband, only through 3rd party on a WhatsApp group with her mum and sister.
I can 100% understand the harassment and the feeling of wanting to give up.. but give him a bit more time, let him experience all the emotions (most likely anger and upset) with you .. but please don’t let him give him.. its tough as hell.. and make sure you’re getting support too 💜 being the partner is rough too…
I really really hope you can put something in place to improve things 💜 x

Also, maybe download the parenting app on your phone instead of his, use his log in, but that way you can ‘screen’ anything that comes through if you’re able to handle it better.. just don’t tell him the abuse is coming through and only let him know if something comes through that needs him to make a parenting decision.. could that work?

he has a new phone and number, and email address, the parenting app only uses an email address and password to log in. He shows me every message he sends to his ex regarding contact, and the child, none from his side is agressive or rude. He communicates very little with her and only sends messages when needed. Courts told them they weren't allowed to use third party due to the Half way location already being in a public area and no third party is allowed due to where we live and us having no family support near by so judge said it is the parents to communicate about child no one else. This definitely isn't the first time he has said it, its been building up and today its finally broke him and I think he's adamant that this is the right thing to do.

I know it’s tough, but it sounds like this child needs his/her dad in their life to influence in the right way.please don’t let him give up, this child’s really needs him, the abandoned feeling they might feel could cause huge issues. There must be other ways to deal with this without loosing contact with your child. We put up with the ex and it can be so tough but we don’t want the girls not to have the influence we provide and their dad couldn’t ever do without them x I really hope you find a way x

Is the abuse she sends about his parenting? Judges reeeeeeally don't like abuse coming from either parent towards the other so make sure every single piece of contact is documented. Are you still going through court? I definitely wouldn't give up on contact, having a father in a child's life is so important and I think your partner would regret it in the long run if he gave up, we were in court for 3 years and looking to go back in the next year or so. Has he joined any groups on social media? Fathers 4 justice etc?

If he has new phone number etc how is she ringing / texting ?!
Sounds like he’s thinking of doing exactly what she wants him too. Are you done with court now? As you could always report to the police the harassment.. but as much as it’s awful the abuse he’s getting, it’s not his kids fault, and doing what he’s thinking is only going to make his kid think they have done something wrong :(
Sounds like the ex will never change and ultimately he needs to accept that and find a way to cope with the messages / not let them bother him

the old phone sits on the side and it constantly going off. It gets turned on for when the child comes over for his time then on update days but it's constant. To a point even the child says I know that's mummy I an going to tell her you are ignoring her.

everything his parenting, about myself and our three kids, his own family. There relationship, we are currently in court but court says there is nothing wrong. The kid says everything mum says.

Put it on silent - turn it off unless you want to look at it whether child is with you or not. Like I said - if he’s struggling to look at it then you look at it and only reply / respond if absolutely necessary. Child shouldn’t be aware of all of this, I don’t get how she knows your ignoring mum of the phone is turned off when she’s with you.. if she brings it up it’s a simple ‘we are not ignoring, me and your mum only talk when there’s something wrong , you’re with me at the moment and nothing is wrong, so we don’t have to talk’
I’m really trying to not come across harsh here, but maybe your partner needs to go to a Gp or get help for the way he’s feeling because if I was a girl, who was seeing her dad, and then it stopped because dad couldn’t cope with messages off my mum.. I would struggle to forgive him.
If he’s having unsupervised contact then the court deems him a fit parent and that’s not a small thing

She doesn't need to know its you doing the replying if you can word it how he would ive took the phone off my partner because I could respond without showing i was angry which he wasn't in a place to

the child knows its mum messaging and ring because his child comes to the house and repeated everything and I mean everything mum says. He's already been to a gp through his job. It's even got to a point his gp and other professionals on our side have told us it's unsafe for our three kids to be in the same house as his child. Due to everything we have tried reaching out to threapy company's for his child but needs both parents permission. Courts don't care of the mums abuse and harassment towards him or his three other kids.