Feel like a single parent...

Posting Anon as have friends in here..

My little boy is 5 months so I'm still on mat leave. My partner works Monday - Friday, 9am - 5pm in a warehouse. Almost every day he comes home, says a brief hello to me and baby then either walks the dog or immediately starts cooking tea/washing up/hoovering etc. which I really appreciate but it's usually with some comment on whatever I haven't done that day (e.g. I might have done a load of washing but not had time to empty the washer and put it away). He sits down to eat and puts whatever he wants to watch on TV.. then 9 out of 10 nights he falls asleep by 9pm.. meaning I've literally only seen him while we eat in front of the TV. If I change the channel and he wakes up he gets the arse because "he was watching it", if I express that I'd like to spend time with him or have him spend time with his son so please try and wake up, he gets grumpy and usually just goes straight back to sleep.. I've raised that maybe there's a medical issue, but he insists he's fine. He's in his mid 30s, does no night feeds or wakes (he sleeps through any and all noise baby makes), because he falls asleep on sofa he gets 8+ hours each night even with having to get up to come to bed, at the weekend he might give baby one or two bottles and hold him a while whilst on his gaming PC or watching YouTube, his life has barely changed at all since having our little boy as I do 99% of the parenting - which is fine, baby is my world and I don't care if no-one ever takes him from me but I want him to have a bond with his Daddy.. I'm tired, I've been "on" since the moment he was born..

I'm just so sad, am I unreasonable? Is it normal to sleep so early almost every night and through every noise baby makes..? I miss my partner.. I know having a baby is hard on a lot of couples but I expected this to be our happiest time and I'm just so lonely.. I love him and I do know he loves us, he's great in a lot of ways.. but I just feel like if I'm basically living alone being a single parent, why is he here? It's so weird to me that he's not desperate to be with his baby and me.. I know Mommy's are different but if I'm away from baby for any time I'm desperate to be back with him even if I'm exhausted..

I don't know what I'm looking for here really.. just needed to get it out! 💔

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Firstly, I’m so sorry that you feel like you’re so alone in this. It’s certainly not fair that you have been “on” since the moment he was born with partner barely sharing much responsibility. I’m also on Mat leave (LO is almost 6 months old) and my husband helps out so so much. I honestly don’t think I could do it without him. When he gets home from work, I’ll give him some time to do what he needs to do (go to the gym some days, shower etc) but then he takes the baby off my hands and puts him to bed etc.

For us, the whole idea behind having a baby was so that we could be partners in that together as well. Raising a child is a massive responsibility and it is so hard to do it alone (newfound respect for all single parents who manage to do it).

Again, I really don’t think it’s fair that he’s chipping in so little. I would have a conversation with him about this - it’s better to be open and honest than to have resentment continue to build and build over time. Staying at home and

Taking care of a baby full time (even while on Mat leave) is a full time job in itself and to be honest, almost more exhausting than working a regular day 9-5 job so there’s not really any excuse not to be helping out.

That’s just my two cents. I really hope things turn around so that you can get some rest as well xx

He’s acting like a child. Your life doesn’t get to simply stay the same after having a baby. Explain to him that you will cook dinner and do stuff in the house while he covers childcare as it gives you a break and you never get a moment to just not be on edge constantly thinking about everyone but yourself.

And about the night time, I had to tell my partner early on as he felt as he was at work, he needed sleep. I lost my head and just told him bluntly that it’s more dangerous to look after a baby sleep deprived than it is to go to work and if he has that mentality when is it that you’re supposed to rest? One hour a day when the baby is asleep?

He opened his eyes then and has done 50/50 if not more through the night since then and apologised for weeks over it.

Just think, you are working too! You are covering 100% of the childcare 24/7 with no day off and night shifts as well. And it’s simply unfair for him to expect a full night’s sleep every night. Be strong on it x

I went to Munich for a few days as my sister was going alone on a business trip and my partner had our baby every day. Came back to another apology about how he didn’t realise how exhausting it is and realises as much as he loves our baby, it’s a break to go to work and have adult interaction and not be in high alert constantly. And he said that then having to do the night as well he felt like a zombie all day and can’t believe he ever expected it of me.

Our baby sleeps through the night now. But your man definitely needs a reality check and to take a bit more responsibility for childcare when he’s home. Every day my partner comes home and runs me a bath, covers everything so I can relax. Change can happen! 😂❤️

👏 this!!! Yes yes

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