Husband

I'm so sorry 😞, you're right he is taking his depression out on you and is in denial. I don't have much advice just here to wish you luck

1/2: First of all, I’m so sorry that you’re going through a tough time with your husband.

I’m going to give you my point of view on this. Recognize that I’m only going off of the information you’ve provided above.

Your husband does not sound like he was ready to have a child. Was your LO planned, a surprise?

To say that he “can’t do what he wanted to do in life now” and that he’s “basically stuck”, it is obvious he was not mentally or literally prepared for what being a parent means, because he still seems to be attempting to continue his life as if he does not have a child.
I have no doubt he loves your LO, but does he know what kind of compromises and adaptations it takes to be a father, and a supportive partner? (I don’t think so)

Now, onto his insults of you. On average it takes 1 year to lose the baby weight. Why tf is he up your ass about it?
He’s not perfect, and that’s obvious.
He could be depressed, you’re not wrong, or he could just be an asshole.

2/2: Take this from someone who was raised by a father who spoke to my mother that way. Insulted her appearance, and capabilities.
Your LO deserves better. That is NOT the example you need to set or that your LO needs to see.

Im not saying out the gate: “get a divorce”

But go to couples therapy. And don’t make it an option, because he’ll probably say no.

Tell him it is required to continue growth in your marriage, relationship, as individuals and as parents.

Tell him this needs to happen because you both need to find better ways of communication where he isn’t going to talk down to you in the process

LO was a complete surprise… he was ultra supportive during the pregnancy other than never thinking it was going to happen.. he has a 20yo from a prior relationship so having an infant now it just a lo adjustment. I never thought I wanted kids and this happened and I honestly couldn’t be happier. He on the other hand… he says we can’t do this or that and then when I try to offer a solution I get told I’m delusional or not gonna work the way i think, etc.
he can be an asshole, but before this he was never an asshole to me directly. I have been an overly caring and supportive wife and I just feel dumped on. And today he threw some pretty big insults because I “don’t do shit around the house and am a slob” I do t exercise and don’t take care of myself.
He’s constantly saying he’s bored and sick of this crappy ass apartment.

Like not sure what to say, I’m busy with playing with the baby or napping all day, definitely not bored.