My husband’s stepson from previous marriage still lives with us
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How can I be a parent to an already grown kid? He doesn’t even consider my husband as his father, he has his own father and his own mother. This boy is of legal age to go out and be an adult but he does not. I’ve tried to tell my husband to tell him to get into college, apply for grants, apply for jobs, have him clean the restroom that only him and the kids use, do something! But i can tell my husband doesn’t want to because he feels weird telling him to do anything, why? Because he doesn’t feel it’s his right, so with that being said I don’t think he needs to be here. His mom is just taking advantage by leaving him here cause she knows My husband is kind of a push over and will just go with the flow and not be confrontational. But when it comes to his actual kids, who he has asked if they can stay here more because they barely even go to school when they are with her she is against it, and won’t agree to it, but her son is cool too stay here permanently
She’s tried to put him on child support for his two WHILE her kids were living here. And he pays for damn near everything for all of them. This 18yr old does whatever he wants, never went to school, how’s out whenever he wants , stays out still early morning hours, doesn’t come home sometimes, even when he was in high school.. my husband never said a thing to him. He never had any responsibilities, no consequences, no expectations, nothing.. because obviously my husband doesn’t really feel like his parent. He just supports him by giving him shelter and food and money for whatever.. I didn’t have an issue before but now that he’s an adult who still doesn’t show any interest in a job, yes I want him out and I think either he should act like an adult and takes responsibility for himself OR his mom or dad need to have him live with them. It is not our responsibility anymore, we have children to raise and I don’t think it’s fair my son, OUR son gets the short end of the stick for his x kid
Also it’s not like their mom Is some junkie or homeless or something, she has a job has a place, and is active in their lives, she’s just not a good mom in my opinion as she doesn’t prioritize school or teach any life skills . She has the ability to take him in but obviously it’s easier and cheaper if he stays here cause she has so many damn kids
“Grown kid” I’m sorry but 18 year olds don’t know their ass from their face. They need guidance. I’m 33 and still need guidance from my dad. Yes he has his own parents but they are clearly scum, and your husband took the role of stepdad when he got with this kids mother. Everything you’re saying tells me once again his parents are shit and ur husband is the only stable figure he has in his life. We can agree to disagree and that’s totally okay! But to me, he got with that woman who had children. He became step dad. He took that role and he has to follow through with it. At one point you say “her son” and another you say his “step son.” Nonetheless, that was that kids house before it was yours and your new baby’s. You can’t just drop ur child when they turn 18 and expect them to know everything they were never taught. His mom is “just not a good mom” so why would you want him to go there? Just so ur baby has a nursery? Surely there has to be another solution.
With that being said, set boundaries. He has chores, he needs to find a job. Even make him pay a bill to show responsibility. Something other than just throwing him out. Then again, if you really just want the room none of that is going to work.
Girl dont listen to these women, FUCK THEM BOYS RUDE ASS BEHAVIOR they aint your kids and neither his so YOUR CHILD YES COMES FIRST, did i read a whole mother saying your son is not more important than you husband stepkids?😂 you see thats how we know how some these women just talk to talk air, cause wtf? If it was them them boys would be out as we speak, we love any child as human being but nothing comes before or as same level as our own fuck that And fuck your husband allowing them to behave like that! You deserve so much more for putting up to all this for years, bless you! Your child is a baby, he deserves the space he requires and the 18 year old could manage with less space, your husband is a very good person for taking care of them but from the moment he married you he should have prioritised you and then now your son also, he can still co parent those other two teenagers like every step parent do from them living in another household which is with their mother!
Is so wrong that you have to put baby boy stuff all over the place because he cant have a nursery, im so sorry! ☹️ The 18 year old should either return with his mother and your husband can co parent, they can come just weekends and he can sleep on a sofabed and you use the room for you baby boy, this type of arrangement(like many other families do with their own biological kids from a previous relationship) … he is taking on too much responsibilities for some children that have a living mother and father, if they weren’t alive i would understand but thats too much as you even said they don’t acknowledge him as their father, talk to your husband about it and do a co parenting plan! Always put your family first and never compromise it, because those kids and their parents would do the exact same for theirs! Don’t accept anything and everything from him, put your foot down and make him understand that there is only much you can take also as his wife! Hope things get better, sending love❤️
@Anastasia thank you, I do think our son should have priority over the 18yr old. I appreciate your words, im going to talk to my husband and try to get him to understand that he should talk to his mom and make her take responsibility of him or have him get a job and get out on his own. I was 18 when I got my own place, but I was also a very motivated teen who went to work as soon as I turned 16 and still went to school because I wanted to be independent. It is not my fault that his mom never taught him to work for what he wants. she should have to deal with him now and accept him for the man she raised him to be, which is lazy and unmotivated.
You are 100% RIGHT! Im italian and i worked my ass off from 16, saved money on the side and when i turned 18 i moved with the little i made to the United Kingdom which is where i live now! It was hard, but i made a life out of it, no parents to support me , a bad childhood and i was sick and tired of not having money to live a decent life…It was so scary to move to a whole other country and go and live in a shared accommodation with strangers but i did it, for myself because i knew and understood from a young age that if i dont go and get things for myself no one would!! Put your foot down with your husband and make sure he sort the situation out, make him see and understand the point of view we are having right now like what i was saying… he needs to prioritise his little son and his future children, they need him now more than anything and they need a nice healthy environment too, those other ones now are adult and he has done the best he could… sending love, take care x
You guys can attack me all you want for this I really don’t give a shit. So you moved into a house that he shared with his ex and their children. He took role of dad to them. Their mother is scum, your husband is the only structure those kids have. You got pregnant knowing all of this. Now you want him to kick out this kid from a house that was his to begin with to make room for new baby because there’s “no space” for the son that has been there? Am I getting this right? I don’t care if the kid is a mute. Look at the situation he came from and how he’s been raised. All to just be left out at the trash again. You know what you do? Be a parent. Teach. Guide. Tell him he has responsibilities. He does chores. He gets a job. Goes to school. You don’t just give up on him. Your baby isn’t more important than a child he agreed to raise as his own. Teens are assholes. I know I was. Yes. In my opinion you’re wrong. Sorry.