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I’ve been “co parenting” for 6 months now and I hate it so much. I always knew that I wasn’t going to want to co parent if me and my bd didn’t work out because the type of person I am he had millions of chances to do right by me and if we’re coparenting that means I got tired and fed up with how you were treating me. Before I even fully came around to just breaking up with him I observed him with our baby in the 4 months that he was with her and I saw he was pretty much doing her the same way he does me. Either constantly at work or constantly on a screen or over at his “friends” house (we’d go but he’d literally neglect her there too and it’d just be me in her in a room and him and his people in another even if we went in the same room he’s not paying her ANY attention) I didn’t like that so aside from all the bs he was putting me through I didn’t like the way he didn’t pay attention to our baby. This lowkey made me feel alone and like I was doing the parenting myself and I technically was. the bare minimum for him was to at least acknowledge her existence, I’m doing all the feeding, all the diapers, all the baths and getting ready, all the buying of diapers and formula AND attempting to breast feed still, all the damn working to provide for her AND still giving her a sufficient amount of love and cuddles and attention throughout EVERYDAY. This isn’t the first time I felt alone in our relationship I was feeling alone during the pregnancy with her too. He would come to most the visits with an attitude because he’d be ready to go, in turn stressing me out. I was working my ass off the entire pregnancy, paying all the bills, paying for a storage unit, paying the phone bill, paying and cooking food for us, ofc managing to keep it clean and everything and everytime I told him I feel like I’m alone in this he’d just blow it off or say things like well you don’t have to do all of this, when I actually did otherwise it wouldn’t have gotten done (I sat back for a couple months towards the end of my pregnancy and WITNESSED IT NOT GET DONE since I wasn’t doing it anymore). He also was just really acting like he didn’t even want to be with me, live with me, have a baby with me, anything. He managed to micro-cheat on me twice to my knowledge(I caught him before it got any further both times) while I was pregnant and I have no idea if he was doing it before then but ofc I was upset he kept trying to downplay it like “it’s not like I met up with her” or “if we didn’t f then I didn’t cheat” and I hated that cause he’s sitting here trying to validate cheating in any sense like I’m supposed to have been okay with it and let it go. He constantly kept saying “I can’t live with women” EVERYWHERE we moved to and I’m just sitting there chilling and minding my business most the time so I didn’t get this, I kept telling him you just sound like you don’t want to be here and it’s not like you’re really helping anyways no one is holding you hostage but ofc he never left and when he did it was the worst time possible financially. We were about to buy a car instead he used his half of the car money to move out just to move back in less than a week later. Throughout the pregnancy he seemed to constantly remind me “you’re the one who wanted to have a baby” but in the same breath never pulled out like if you didn’t want a baby then pull out or stop fing he “couldn’t” though. But every chance he got he said that and that made me think ofc you don’t even want a baby (I didn’t just want a baby btw I wanted a baby in a healthy 2 parent household specifically). But all of these things pointing to you don’t really want to be with me and everytime I told him I’m seeing them he’d tell me I’m tripping pretty much. So now since we’ve broken up we’re trying the coparent thing…for him cause I honestly would be happier and more at peace without him present in our lives it’s not like the baby isn’t being taken care of regardless but I’ve been trying to give him the opportunity to step up and do better (mind you he has a few kids with different women already and I was pretty much in a universal sense his redemption)….after 6 months of trying he’s done nothing but disappointment me and set our child up for future disappointment(if she was old enough to hold him to his word he would’ve let her down 10 times over now) he only comes to see her for an hour once or twice a month he claims he’s “too busy working” and is just now trying to start to see her more and check in but it’s just cause I said something. It’s extremely stressful to me and now he calls himself asking me to meet his new gf (which he told me he plans to move in with and marry and etc) my knee jerk reaction made me say yes to meeting her but as I say here and thought about it I’m going to be so angry with the fact all of a sudden he can respect someone, all of a sudden he can live with women, all of a sudden he wants to marry, and it’s not me. Now that sound like I want him back but I’m just EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED because these were things he promised to me and because he couldn’t get his act together he just goes somewhere else. I’m kind of hurt because he wants me to meet her and all I can really think about is all the grief you put me through just to turn around and do right by some random girl you just met. I have no ill will towards the woman she has zero clue I’m pretty sure of anything that he JUST put me through. I already didn’t want to deal with him at all and for some reason I keep dealing with him just so that he has access to the baby cause everyone is constantly telling me don’t do my baby a disservice by not allowing her a connection with her dad but I’m completely over the entire situation myself and don’t see how having him as a father figure in my baby’s life is beneficial to anyone tbh. I’m at a crossroads right now cause I know if I decide to cut him off and go no contact it’ll be assumed it’s just cause he got another gf but it’s the cumulation of things and that does just happen to be one of them. Like you have time to deal with her but can’t make time to see your baby unless I remind you. I know deep down inside it would bring me peace to just cut him off completely but then there’s the flip side where I’m hurting someone else that I for some reason am still trying to care about even the slightest of a bit (he claims he wants to be in the baby’s life and he has trauma of women who just took off with their kid)