Advice
I have been married for 4 years and living together for 3 years. My husband told me from the start he didn't want to have kids straight away so I agreed the max I would wait is 2 years. Once we reached the two year mark he said he wanted to wait another two years. We keep arguing over this and I'm feeling so hurt that he's changed his mind without considering my feelings or consulting with me. I am 30 now and I really don't want to wait any longer, should I end this marriage? He has told me he would be ready to start trying from next year? Every time I bring up the topic he says if you're not happy with my decision you can leave me but I am not changing my mind. What scares me is that my periods are irregular, I don't know what fertility issues I could have.
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Does he give reasons as to why he wants to wait ? Could you perhaps both go to an imam together so he can be explained to the importance of starting a family together In Islam ?
If not, I would make it clear that if you don’t start trying next year then you will leave. There isn’t any point staying in a marriage where you both want separate things.
May Allah make it easy for you xx
I have irregular periods too. Just in preparation for whenever y'all decide to have kids, i would go to an OB and get checked out. I had PCOS and had to be put on some meds to regularize my cycle / hormones and chances of ovulation before I got pregnant. May Allah sort your affairs and make this easy for you sister
Ok sister
he says he doesn’t feel mentally ready but he will be ready next year. That's the only reason he gives. I have suggested visiting an imam in the past but he declined.
I have been checked for pcos twice but it came back normal. I am pushing to investigate endometriosis as I do have the symptoms
Having kids is your right if he dosent want to have kids with you then you can leave him if you want
This would be a deal breaker for me personally. I’d leave
How does he know he’ll “be ready” next year or 2/3/4 years? It’s a rubbish excuse. You need to find out the real reason
Having a baby is such a massive decision. It does change your life alot (more than the obvious). Almost all relationships get impacted after the baby and it is so so important that both spouses are on the same page.
This might be overwhelming for him and he might be struggling with communicating this properly with you. If you are willing to give it some time too, maybe try having conversations every now and then to start thinking about what life would look like after the baby and you can use those conversations to explain to him why it is so important to you while listening to why he wants to wait.
Try to hear him out and work through his issues in an understanding manner while making him understand your concerns- try to have this conversation without getting defensive about anything to take the pressure off.
Maybe having multiple conversations and picturing things will help him to come around. Wishing you all the best InshaAllah soon to be mommy ❤️
Every couple want to have kids when they married who dosent want to be mother kids is blessing .
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