Middle name

It sounds to me like she was hopeful of being asked this time since your Mum was asked first time.

I don’t think you should feel bad & you should name/choose to name your child however you wish. But I completely see why she would ask you to be honest, it doesn’t baffle me at all. I know for our first we have given her a middle name from my partners side which made his family so happy and proud & if we had another I would consider a name from my side of the family for sure x

Don’t feel bad. That’s YOUR mom. As women we have a total different relationship with our own mothers (sometimes) Our mothers carried us, not our MIL. Her son didn’t give birth to the babies. It’s totally different. My MIL wanted to be in the delivery room when I had our son but I was like NO. I only wanted MY mom n my bf. Idk how to explain it but it’s totally different when it’s our own mother.

I get you 110%. It’s different the relationship tbh and as much as I might get hate for saying it I kind of feel like as the mother who built the baby I have more of a say about what the baby’s name will be and how they get the name then my partner does and those are the only two people who have any legitimate say in names unless we ask…

It sounds like she is feeling a bit put out having not been asked to help with the naming this time. I can understand why she might feel like that but actually saying it out loud to you or your husband is another matter. It's your baby and your decision, not hers. Commenting on it is just a bit selfish in my opinion and looking for trouble. She needs to accept your decision to involve your mum and not expect you to justify it or change your mind. X

All that to say bless you for feeling bad but you shouldn’t at all!

Is there a way to do both ie honour your heritage but also incorporate you mil middle name? I can understand why she might question it although I wouldn’t have voiced it out loud. At the end of the day the choice is up to you nd your oh.
You will naturally be closer to your mum so I can understand her feelings that she may feel slightly left out. Something I guess you’ll realise when your son reaches that age x

Having a middle name to represent culture vs suggesting your own name - is it just me that finds that self absorbed?
I know people choose names that were their grandmothers name etc which is fine that’s the parents choice but to ask someone to name their child after them?? Isn’t that a bit much? 🤯

Why anyone think that they have the right to same someone else’s child is beyond me.
I can sort of understand her feeling a little hurt that your mum was asked and she wasn’t but it’s quite a unique set of circumstances with you wanting to continue cultural traditions.
To then suggest your own name as the middle name is hilarious 😂 talk about self absorbed.

It’s a tradition in your family to have a Chinese middle name is what it sounds like so no she shouldn’t think its her “turn” to name the baby since she’s not Chinese and it has no meaning to her. My sons middle name is named after my father since our last name will end with me and my sister as our kids have our partners last name so I wanted my son to be named after my family line that’s ending with me. And when I have my first girl she’s going to have my grandmothers middle name as her middle name because my grams is very special to me and I want her to know about her great grandma even if she’ll be too young to remember her when grams passes away. I have very few family members I am close to so my partner knows these names have significant meaning to me and has agreed to them. I’d love for someone to try and argue with me over what I name my kids. The parents get to choose the names and that includes any traditions they choose to partake in.

My husband is Ghanaian so our kids are half white English and half Ghanaian. In Ghana, it’s popular to be given a name according to the day of the week you were born on (in Ghana this is often used as a first name and there are many twists on the name you can use). It was my feeling that because we live in England and my side of the family don’t have any names we have passed down to our kids that our kids would have their Ghanaian day name as their middle name. Also from a cultural aspect, it honours their lovely heritage and might help them feel aligned with their heritage more. As much as my side of the family don’t understand the concept of passing a name down, I haven’t allowed it to be an open discussion amongst them. I’ve sort of told them that’s what we’re doing and that will be the case for any subsequent children. My mum still offers names and suggests them as middle names but we just remind her “we’ll be using the Ghanaian day name for that”.

I know it’s a bit different to your situation but I think the only way to get through this is for you and your partner to be really unified in your approach and be unwavered by as much external pressure as possible - to the point of saying “our family tradition is for my mum to decide the middle name for cultural significance, we’ll let you know when she decides.” Protect your bubble as much as possible; you shouldn’t have to answer to anyone as to why you’re doing it how you are - especially family/in-laws.

She’s a boy mom. She should know there are certain things she won’t be a part of.
I’m a boy mom and have learned so much from my interaction with mine.

Your mom didn’t not chose her name as a middle name, how inappropriate of your MIL to not only gently* demand to name your daughter but also give her names as an option.
She couldn’t say other names? I do feel her desire to compete but mostly winning the competition.

You guys chose the middle name already, your MIL doesn’t have a say over your kid’s name nor anything in your life, If she gets mad, let her be and enjoy your pregnancy 💕