Comments about baby's skin tone

What do you think they’re trying to say x I only ask because I’ve heard people say this about babies who’s parents are both black too so just wondering if you think they’re tryna say “thankfully he’s not too dark”

@Chí I'm honestly not sure, that's probably my error and I should have asked what they meant by it x

I’d have to say I know you’re intending to be complimentary but your words can be seen as prejudice and old fashioned towards darker skinned people. My son shouldn’t seen as cuter because he looks less black. I’d rather his skin colour not be discussed as it makes us feel uncomfortable.

I’m mixed race and my baby is 1/4 and very white. I’ve had a few comments from my in-laws about how he doesn’t look like my family, or how lovely & fair skinned he is. Best way to respond is with a question “What do you mean?” and “why do you think that?” Asked is a non confrontational way, but it challenges them.

You can just shut it down by saying “ I’d be happy no matter what color he is” . Or “what did you expect?” If you want to go into a deeper explanation then you can educate them on how that can come off as colorist unintentionally . And it sounds as though they like one skin tone over the other. When there are full white babies does anyone comment on skin tone?

I mean, honestly, they would probably say he’s a lovely color if he was a bit darker too. My skin is white and my husband’s is dark brown. We joke about it all the time and even had a color scale at our baby shower to guess our baby’s color! We don’t think skin color is that serious. Our baby turned out A LOT lighter than anyone expected and everyone thinks she is a great color! But we would think she’s a great color no matter what color she landed on! Everyone comments on how she is like a tan version of me. 🤣 Personally, I think you’re looking into it way too much. Compliments on appearance don’t have to be back-handed.

Yeah I don’t think it’s that deep for them to view your child as any better or worse because of their skin colour. My aunt just had a baby, her BD is dark asf and she’s lightskin. Baby full black and soooo light, everyone just comments on it just because they’re surprised that baby took Mums colour only lol. Even though it makes sense lol. If someone started educating us because of that, I’d be like :/ But if you know they mean something funny or something else then yeh have a talk to them about it xx

Thanks everyone! I know I'm definitely overthinking (over protective, hormonal mum alert 😂) but your advice is really helpful thank you ♥️

Whew! Yass mama bear👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Choose your battles because you/we are always gonna be fighting the war against the that one! Trust that You’ll tired quickly thinking a ‘talking to’ is going to change a mindset that believes comments like that could be appropriate, ever. Get a good true one liner like “Black is beautiful, no matter what shade” something you may want to teach your baby later so they have their own quick sword to draw instead of having a shield up against the endless verbal blows; trust me, they unfortunately don’t stop and as you know now, come unexpected. Show that you are comfortable and confident with his skin and they hopefully will keep further comments to themselves.

Welcome to having a peek into our mixed race lives. It’s just a drop in the bucket, just a tiny few of the subtle things that white counterparts are oblivious to and now you are able to detect some of those things, even from those closest to you that you may not have ever assumed. It just means that you now can ensure that your baby is empowered and understands who they are and how special they are! Because people are always going to say things no matter where they go, whatever country, even their own family members- all they can do is just be their own authentic self and rise above; keep achieving & succeeding, keep their head held high & keep going. You have the power to instill in them to be proud of their beautiful blended complexion and that no matter how they learn to identify with themselves, they are loved. Good luck! It’s a long ride, a journey and a half and thankfully you’re aware & can prep them young. As you can see, it starts young 😉

@BoyMom to be fair, my sister’s babies are very white and we always comment on it. 🤣 One baby has a bit of a yellow tone, so we hope he tans a bit and the other one is super white and pink-toned, so we don’t have any tanning hopes for her. 😝 But no one in my family really cares about skin tone, other than when deciding what colors to wear! We’re Brazilian and everyone is a different color (besides my sister’s babies—they’re blue eyed white beans) 🤣

@Kassia I agree with you. I’ve heard it being said to white babies from white people about how pale the baby is and I’ve heard it being said about Fully back babies from black people. Till this day I get told I look orange and I honestly don’t care and laugh because I actually do be looking orange sometimes. (I’m black, personally I don’t like the POC label because wtf does that even mean) lol But again, the intention matters

@Tara I love this!! Thank you x

I’m also a mum of a mixed baby, I’m Black, dad is White… and when my daughter was born, she was so fair-skinned she could have passed as White. People commented on it a lot, but my mum is fairer in skin than me. My maternal Grandma is Jamaican and fair enough she always passed for White in UK where she lived for over 60 years… my Daughter is nearly 10, and over the years her complexion has shifted to what some people tend to think of more when they think of a mixed child… either way my baby is perfectly who she is supposed to be. I think being able to see to the intention behind the comments count. Sometimes it’s just innocent, and sometimes it’s a pointed thing, if it’s raised your hackles, maybe talk to those who made the comments and see where the comments came from.

I've had a lot of people comment on my oldest son's skin colour. They have made the same comment. It was never in a bad way mostly white people that are jealous because they all tan to be his colour and wish they had it.

People used to do this to me all the time when I was young still a bit now it’s soooo annoying when I tell people am black they never believe me it’s because I’m very light. And most of my background is Jamaican 🇯🇲 and because am with a white man my kids turned out light as well and people aways ask my oldest are u sure you have black in u she gets upset but it’s not their fault them parents don’t teach them. There are light skin people who are black some people don’t know that you get different shades of black.

I’m sure I’ve probably thought how lovely a baby’s skin tone is before. I’d never say it incase it’s taken the wrong way but my thought carries as much weight as me thinking how lovely their hair colour is (something I also wouldn’t say)

I think people need to be educated on culture to be honest. I do not understand when some Caucasian, Asian or African people call an intercultural child black, to me it does not make sense. The child is intercultural. A blend of beautiful culture. Not even mixed race because we are all one race, The Human Race. Made up of different cultures. We are named after our culture whether it be African, Caucasian, Asian, Middle Eastern. I do not know where this black and white came from. We need to be emotionally intelligent on this. Being of Jamaican Heritage in Britain. I call myself British of carribbean Heritage. I think the application forms need to be revised. Maybe this is just me. But it does need to be approached with an emotional intelligence. All babies skin are beautiful no matter their shade. A beautiful blend of two lovely parents no matter their culture or background.

@Soph not trying to be rude but if you’re talking about education… People call any person mixed with black due to slavery. The “one drop rule” still has its effects today. People would call literally anyone with a drop of “black” - black… so they can be identified and still be treated as a “coloured” person. That’s why a lot of mixed people who were white passing lived as a white person and never claimed their black side. Nobody calls a person without a black mix, black. I don’t like it either but you mentioned you don’t know why people do it, and this is why. Tbh don’t know what this has to do with OP’s question, I just wanted to make a very small point!