Really unsure what to do. Please help
I hate to admit it but I looked through my boyfriends phone, I trust him completely loyalty wise, it sounds psycho but I look through his messages to his mum because he always lies about everything he speaks about with her to me. Today I found him slagging me off (very minor literally just saying I’m stressing him out but I’m sensitive ok!! And she replied “the usual then”) even though we had no argument or issues whatsoever!! I literally do everything for him so I find it very disrespectful and we have always kept any issues to ourselves if we were to have them because we agreed that we preferred it that way. Now it’s really bothering me because I don’t understand why he felt the need to say that to his mum and it suggests he says it quite often with her reply. I feel really hurt but then again I don’t want him to know I looked and do look through the messages because it’s awful and I know it is. What do I do I know this is so stupid, I can’t just get over myself but I don’t want him to be any more secretive around his phone than he already is if he finds out I look through his messages!
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Do some self reflection. Sometimes when I get really stressed with my own personal problems I tend to project and I realize I can become quite stressful and forget that I impact my husband and other loved ones around me. I can be very selfish sometimes, specifically with my emotions, so I just try to check myself from time to time. I guess try and see what’s been stressing him lately and find ways to help each other de-stress. But I wouldn’t bring up that you’ve been looking through his messages.
I would be very upset too. Especially with the “so the usual then” part. We have always practiced the whole “keep your problems in your own home” idea. Gossiping and complaining to parents about spouses is a horrible habit and will hurt both the bf/gf or husband/wife in the long run. Parents and friends don’t forget the small, petty stuff you may share about your partner even after you two are long over it. So they will always have the wrongs your partner did to you in their head forever even after they’ve corrected or improved themselves, or you both made up. Healthy relationships should always put up a strong united image in front of family and friends in my opinion. No need to gossip and complain about our second halves and make them look bad.
This is NOT the same argument I’d give if the relationship was toxic, abusive in anyway, or if someone was genuinely looking for some serious advice from a trusted person. There is a difference between seeking out advice/help and complaining
As much as that message stings I wouldn’t say anything.. why were you looking through his phone in the first place if you trust him completely?
Unfortunately he’s entitled to his privacy, everyone has bad days and maybe he just was having one of them and his patience was running thin. I know I’ve personally said to my other half’s own mum plenty of times that ‘my OH is doing my head in today or he’s being a nob etc..’😂 and I’m 1000% sure he says the same about me but doesn’t change the fact that we love eachother to pieces we’re just not perfect xx
he has never had a problem expressing how he feels to me before and he always says how much he hates his mum and can’t stand talking to her or seeing her but will text her all day so that’s why I wanted to see because he lied to me the other day about what he had said to her. So I don’t know I really don’t have an explanation for what I did but yeah it just hurts
yeah exactly and he’s always said to me how important that is to him but I have always had the feeling he tells him mum everything regardless
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