Visitors after birth

I am due in less than 2 weeks and prior my husband and I had already agreed that no one but him would be there during delivery. My husband has two children from a previous marriage (14g and 11b). Today his parents made a comment about taking care of his kids when we go into labor (if they aren’t with their mom) only if they can come and visit after birth.

I was under the impression that no one would be visiting (maybe my parents) because of the exhaustion, stress and peace needed during the time after birth at the hospital. My husband got upset with me when i said i didn’t want his kids coming to visit at the hospital but when we got home. He said “it’s not all about what I want”. His kids haven’t been the most positive about this pregnancy and often make me feel uncomfortable about being pregnant (comments when they see baby moving in my stomach and overall negative attitude). He is now upset with me because I said I MAY want my parents to visit the day after because I am comfortable with them and won’t feel stressed about them visiting for a short time. He said if i say no visitors at the hospital, then that means my parents as well.

Thoughts? Is it wrong that I don’t want people I’m not comfortable around/ kids during a vulnerable time when I am trying to figure things out with my newborn especially as a first time mom?

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I think it’s about more who I’m comfortable with during that time

Personally i feel like everyone should be respecting your needs, and you are entitled to privacy and space. It's a tough one though because if you opt to invite your parents yes he is going to feel unequal but then again, he is not the person birthing! Is it going to cause an issue with the PILs if they can't visit? You're the one who will be labouring, and you have no idea how your birth will go... unless you're having a c section?
You might feel completely different on the day and your emotions may change on this so why not just say to everyone "I'd like to see how it goes and let you know on the day" unless they live far away i guess. A lot of pressure to be honest that really isn't necessary, in my opinion.
But as above I'd say start as you mean to go on, if the children do get excited about meeting their new sibling then I'd think about making that sacrifice for the sake of your blended family.
If your birth falls on their mum's days of having the children, will they not be brought in by her?

I would just have your parents there and leave the husband and his family at home. But that's just me... Don't put up with disrespect and please don't be bullied into doing ANYTHING you are even slightly uncomfortable with.

I think it’s wrong to allow your parents to visit but not his. If there’s a nursery they should be allowed to see baby if your parents are allowed to see baby. And if he already had kids they should also be allowed to meet baby in the hospital if they want to. You shouldn’t have had a child with someone that has kids if you aren’t comfortable around their kids. You’re birthing the child, yes, but it is also his child. I understand not wanting a bunch of people around you right after you birthed a child, but if there’s a nursery or somewhere they can meet baby outside of your room, they should be allowed to do so.

I think your wishes are totally valid if you don't want visitors. I didn't receive anymore for the first 6 weeks and it was the best decision ever. Yet I think having your parents is not very fair. The only exception I would make is for the siblings... I can read there s some history there but they are the direct siblings of the baby and if you want them to be on board with your new family, they need to feel Included in it. If you marry a men/women you also marry their kids.

Only here to say this is absolutely all about you! Your wishes first. Visitors can see your baby later. You dont need to acomodate other people, focus on you and your birth.

About you being comfortable with your own parents, 100% agree they'll be there to visit YOU first and foremost as we all know it can be a traumatic bloody ordeal (hoping it's not! and that you have a really smooth and uncomplicated time 💞) whereas you may be feeling like your PILs won't give a crap about you just your baby?
Are you not too close? Did they already hear you might have your own parents visit and not them? It doesn't sound as though you're too cosy with them anyway? If they said that in front of you is it possible they're totally unaware of you feeling vulnerable about the birth and not being too fond of them lol?
It is his child but hospital is totally about YOU and your recovery. Xx

@Jenna doesn't that sound like an awkward situation? "Don't look at me but go see my first born child in another room" lol Mum is sure to be all over baby possibly breastfeeding, possibly struggling to do that... plus learning it's a very intimate time. It isn't a competition between grandparents. When any of them meet it will be a special time but hospital is the Mother's zone. I find your comment a lil bit harsh and as for the other children that's a big assumption to make about the timeline of their relationship isn't it. You've no idea what has gone on xx

Nope, set your boundaries and stick to them

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The house is quiet.
Finally, a moment to myself.
I sit on the couch, expressing milk for his next feed.
Time circles my mind.
Do I have enough time to write this?
Should I sleep instead?
It’s getting late.
I should be grateful.
I should be present.
I should… I should.
The guilt.
The intrusive thoughts.
The disconnection from self.
The robotic washing of bottles, clothes, and dishes.
Then the question returns.
Do I have enough time for me?
What me?
Who am I?
Where am I?
I miss her.
I miss me.
Who have I become?
I have become a mother.
I am everything to this little human who will one day call me mum.
His life depends on me with every waking moment.
I give.
And I give.
Then he smiles.
And suddenly I see him
the little human I have nourished with tired eyes,
with time,
with love stretched beyond capacity.
Sometimes I leave to rest.
To breathe.
But even then my mind returns home.
I should be there.
I should be caring for my baby.
Is this normal?
Am I normal?
I feel myself unbecoming the woman I once knew so well.
They say this time is sacred.
And it is.
But it goes fast.
Maybe because we are not fully here in these early days.
We are surviving.
Living on autopilot.
Days blur together.
Until suddenly he shows me something new —
a smile,
a look,
a tiny trick he has learned.
And that moment is priceless.
His beautiful smile.
His big, beautiful eyes.
He is beginning his life
as I share mine
to keep him thriving.
A sacred sacrifice.
A whirlwind.
A shift in reality.
Who am I?
I am mother.

I really hate to come out here and tell my business about what’s going on with my life in my kids, but I had no choice

I just came back from a parent teachers conference meeting and they telling me that my second daughter, who just turned eight about a week ago that she barely know how to read and she has speech problems… I already feel like shit because it’s not that I’m doing my job. It’s because I worked a lot, and and every time, me and my first oldest daughter, trying to teach you how to read, she gets insecure and thinking that we making fun of her, but we’re not!! I felt like a shitty mother I don’t know what to do.

Am I wrong for getting upset?

To make a long story short, we were added to a group chat for all the bridesmaids and groomsmen to plan the bachelor party to go to Vegas. So very been boiling about this all day.
I sent one message about finding a babysitter for my kid, and she messaged me privately with a very backhanded comment that I should not discuss anything regarding my son because her husband’s friends do not give a shit ….. as if I am supposed to cater to their interests…. This is my cousin by the way, she only has me, and her sister for family at her wedding the rest are his family and friends.

Am I overthinking this ?

Am I wrong for feeling some kind of way from my husband wanting to put my 2 yo daughter in daycare he always brings it up. But mind you I’m a stay at home mom. And my daughter does learn now she’s not getting no 3-4hr learning session but the thing is she knows all her alphabets, she knows her numbers from 1-20, and she knows a good amount of animals, and she even knows a few sign language that she caught on from Mrs. Rachelle at 1 yo ! She’s very smart and picks up on alot of words pretty fast. But knowing my daughter she doesn’t have a long attention span so I do what I know how she’ll learn best, she learn through music, we watch videos, and I physically show her and question her. But sometimes I feel offended when he brings up she should be in daycare around other kids learning as if I’m not with her everyday .

Correcting eating with hands?

My 1yo eats with utensils perfectly fine, my 3yo is capable of doing it too but doesn't like to and prefers to use her hands. I don't know how to correct this at home without it sounding lowkey like nonsense. We have finger foods, other cultures eat "messy" foods with their hands, we teach to eat until your tummy feels comfortable so idk how to explain that even tho eating with her hands is the most comfortable that she isn't supposed to?? Because even as an adult I don't see a problem with it unless it'd be disrespectful to the chef/host 😅 Do I just say we need to practice at home just in case a future chef/host would be offended by it? 😭

My mil is the reason I see my husband as less of a man

LA little back story, my mil got a new bf last year and a month into dating they insisted he be called grandpa. Fast forward to a few months ago mother-in-law and her boyfriend‘s behavior has turned nasty after father-in-law has come back into the picture. After mother-in-law and her boyfriend’s behavior at family events, such as my son’s baptism, my Christmas party and my father’s Christmas party, I told my husband to tell his mom that her boyfriend is no longer to be called Grandpa. fast-forward three months and he still hasn’t told her because he doesn’t want to upset her feelings. Now her bf wants to bring his son over to my house to meet my kids or his “grandkids” and they didn’t ask my opinion. I told my husband how I feel about it and he’s not telling her no because he doesn’t want to upset her. I’m starting to see my husband as less of a man because of his mom and putter her above me.

Am I over reacting? What should I do?