Urge to talk for my sanity

It’s important you do speak out to someone you trust and clearly is not helping you mentally either. You don’t want to get to a point in life and you’re at your boiling point.
My Dm are open please do reach out. If your husband is not wanting therapy he still needs to sit down and communicate with on the next steps. You need to communicate how you’re feeling to your husband.

Erm sorry but it’s NEARLY ALWAYS A bad sign when they say I’m not comfortable talking to a stranger???? I would let this one go ewwww he has disrespected you so many times , what makes you think , you could do something different and that will stop him! Heck no!

she’s tried to communicate with the pig but the pig hasn’t put the effort in 😂🤣

If you think therapy would help, how about doing it for yourself? Do you have a clear goal of what you want to gain out of therapy? Is it to help with communication etc.
Outside of that, I wonder could you start doing an aspect of the dean together, a shared interest etc
Also, does he have good friends or could he get involved in the local mosque? It seemed he recognised that he needs to work on himself.

I very much want to keep trying at working out this marriage. I know this path isn’t popular or mostly favoured, even frowned upon, but I believe in the sanctity of marriage, one that between my husband me and Him. I’m
aware he has disrespected me but I’m trying my best to be gracious about it. He isn’t violent, he provides with everything he has for me, his parents, mine and the kids. So all I really want to know is there any approach ive missed? I’m willing to try anything to help him and me through the healing process.

I’ve consulted with those who are pious and they’ve advised that my husband has to agree to the fact that the details of the marriage issues can be shared. And when I told my husband I would like to go to therapy to help with processing the pain and accepting and letting go, he said he doesn’t want a stranger to know about our marriage issues. I’m assuming he isn’t ready, but until then, I’m struggling. Unfortunately his friends, have done the same to their wives (and their wives do not know about it and I have promised to not stir any heat in other marriages by telling their wives). The step he has taken so far is be transparent when he is with his friends which he also works with. He is truthful with the time he spends with them. So I know he is trying as much as he can.
Do you know if there’s any other way I can reach out to him? In a way that doesn’t seem like I’m pushing him too much.

No offence but what are you exactly teaching your children? That it’s completely fine for your daughters to be treated this way by men BECAUSE THATS WHAT YOURE TEACHING THEM, and if you have sons then you’re husband is literally showing them that this is how you treat women. He’s already broken that sanctity in your marriage!!! Idk what you’re clinging onto for!!!

In my personal opinion I wouldn’t be able to trust someone once they have broken trust.. that being said if you still want to be with him (which is something he needs to be VERY grateful for) you need to process the trauma and emotions and the best way to do that is through a professional therapist. He is very selfish for not letting you see a therapist after all the trauma HE caused. It’s confidential and not the same as going to a family member where they would know him and might judge/gossip - it’s purely for your mental health! Would he say no if you needed medication because ur leg hurt, this is the same but for mental pain -and it’s acrhally encouraged islamically to seek help! Like I said he is VERY selfish to say he isn’t ready when you are clearly suffering, maybe you should go therapy on your own.

Also, the people you are around plays a big part of who you are. He shouldn’t be friends with those pricks, and islamically you shouldn’t be friends with them anyways.

It’s not ONLY your responsibility to ensure this marriage works, if the other party isn’t putting in the effort then you need a Khula. It’s literally simple as that.

I take no offense in your opinion. It must be frustrating to accept why a mother/wife would accept such betrayal. Thing is, his mistake, if I’m vengeful in response, will not only destroy my marriage but the destruction will affect my children and our families. My husband & I show tenderness, affection and kindness infront of the kids. Neither my husband nor I are violent, temperamental or speak disrespectfully no matter the situation. My husband has errors, he isn’t perfect, he committed infidelity, and I, I too have errors, I’m imperfect and I too have sins. We are both repenting from each of our sins. And this is what we’re teaching our children. That we aren’t perfect or are protected from committing sins like all the Rashuls and Nabi. That we take responsibility for our actions. And one bad mistake doesn’t make a bad person, that one sin doesn’t mean the marriage is broken and most important of all, that neither he nor I have the right to judge nor punish each other.

I am not here to protect or defend my husband’s actions. I am here to share my struggle in trying to help my husband move on from his mistakes and work at healing and rebuilding the trust of our marriage. He may seem cold and cruel with his infidelity. But if not for that, he celebrates me being a wife and mother every time he gets the chance to. His mistake don’t only trigger my ptsd and anxiety but it does to him too. That is why he finds it difficult to talk.
I came here to seek advice in approaches that I can hopefully apply to my husband. And I know there are those out there who might be in a similar situation as me and could find this post helpful.
Also, to answer your question, I’m clinging on to hope and trust that what ever challenges He may bring to me or my husband and our marriage, I know I can handle it.

He has already destroyed your marriage idk what else you’re after here v

thank you, I think I will stand firm in your suggestion. Seeking help and letting him know that I need it for I’ve exhausted all other options. It is unclear if he has spoken his friends about my knowledge on their sins, but they have been pious for the past year or so and seeing them commit time together at the masjid and group readings of the Quran, I cannot ask him to leave his friends. I can honestly see he is trying in repenting and trying to be a better husband by rebuilding. Just that he has skipped the part of processing the trauma.

The reason I asked about friends because the people we surround ourselves have a big impact.
AlhumduAllah I have read that he is attending masjid and Quran.
The only advice I can give is seek consul with Allah, cry to Him pour your heart out, try to pray 2 rakah at tahajjud and sincerely ask Allah. Give charity, could you fast as a family?

I respect your decision and compassion you are showing. I think the remorse he is showing and working towards betterment of the relationship is a good sign.
Ultimately, what stops all of us sinning is taqwa so we need to work on our primary relationship, which is with Allah.