Did I do the right thing ?
After I had my LO I grew a lot of resentment towards my BD. He wasn't really there for me in a lot of situations including the birth and it left a bad taste in my mouth, I couldn't ever shake. I will admit, I became a bit uninterested after a while and mean at times but always wanting to work things out.
1 years ago, he was reaching out to his ex behind my back telling her how much he missed her and never stopped loving her. He referred to me as BM when we were still together.
Ended up forgiving him but still hung with me. Then, he went on to make extremely poor decisions. He purchased a gun and stored it loaded under our bed, loose leaf. He had it for 4 months before I ever found out, and I about lost it. Our son would play under the bed! I almost burst a vein in my neck, screaming at him. Then, a month later, I found out he was selling THC pens to minors AND strangers. One of these 'deals' I witnessed and my son was in the car. I lost it again. He often leaves my son unattended while he's in the bath (he's almost 3) and since January, he parties with our female nextdoor neighbor 4-7 times per week and doesn't make it in until after 12am most times. I've lost it on both of them three times now. I have resorted to calling the cops to file noise complaints.
I feel like I'm such a nice and kind person but when I get pissed, I don't hold back. I get mean and ugly. I got to the point where after each incident, I would almost get borderline verbally abusive. I feel like I've been pushed to my wits end. I got a UHaul and moved my son and I into my mother's house. Now I'm living with the guilt of how angry I would get. He has called me a psychopath on many occasions and bat shit crazy for being so concerned with safety (I do battle with OCD so sometimes it's hard to identify when I'm being unreasonable. )
I truly feel like he was the love of my life. He was also an AMAZING provider, super reliable and dependable. Now he's completely moved on. He has no interest in working things out for our family's sake or working on his drinking issue. He wants little to do with me but continues to show up for our son which I'm thankful but also scared as he drinks so heavily and makes such poor decisions both sober and not. I'm worried for my sons safety when I'm not around. I also think it was easy for him to move on so fast because my anger with his actions got so out of control.
Would you ladies have handled this situation similarly? Were my anger outbursts justified or out of line? Struggling with adjusting to single-mom-dom :-(
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I must have OCD too cause I would’ve reacted the same way. I have with my child father and we been in similar situations. You are mama bear so our children safety is always first priority and some men don’t understand that or see it that way especially having a son in my opinion of what I’ve been through and seen. Drinking definitely clouds judgment and common sense
I wish I could've kept my temper down a little more. I just felt like there was a new issue each month and each one affected my sons safety. It's insane he never agreed on ANY of it. It still has me feeling like I'm crazy
No, no, and nooooo. Are you so gone that you're really blaming yourself for HIS ACTIONS? You said he wasn't there in the way that you needed him to be, then say he was dependable ??? Where? If he was really serious about you, he would've gotten his shit together. He never intended to do right by you.
The fact that you're over there reeling about it means, A) You need help with navigating your condition and emotions, B) You have a low sense of self-worth, and C) You have a history of people treating you as less than, so self-blame is normal to you. All of those things require professional counseling, not some man to help you apply a band-aid to the problem.
I would be fed up too. He kept doing things that were not safe for your son and not taking parenting seriously. After a while you have to get your life together and do what’s best for your child. I do understand maybe u could’ve expressed yourself in a better way sometimes but I would feel the same. I think you did what’s best in the long run.
Your complaints jump from valid, but then it’s clear you are upset because he does what you don’t like and you get jealous. I think your judgement is clouded and I think some “ complaints” you wouldn’t mind if he didn’t party with female neighbor or talking to his ex. You come off as controlling and I think your relationship and his parenting need to be separated. Super reliable and dependable yet Bby isn’t safe. You can’t be too concerned about safety and concerned about the women he is dealing with. I think that was a great idea you left. You need time clear your mind and let that man do him. If he took this to court you’d lose immediately! It’s giving bitter baby momma and irrational. Or are you ok with him being an irresponsible drunk so long as he’s faithful? This def isn’t about the baby it’s about you. And all this screaming you say you are doing.. unhealthy. If he’s bad then go and stay away
@Kristina I appreciate your honesty. I think I was mentioning all the stuff he's been doing/did to give a clearer picture of the hell I've gone through and why my anger is so intense. I appreciate your question about if i am ok with him being an irresponsible drunk as long as hes faithful. That was eye opening for me.
It's not that I would be okay with him being drunk and irresponsible as long as he's faithful, it's more of I'd be willing to work things out if he were more involved in the family life primarily so I can keep eyes on my son.
I have debated court and have wondered if court would right me off as being unreasonable but I do have countless videos of him drunk as a skunk, peeing in public and hanging out with a young teen giving him alcohol. He gets so drunk that he pees on furniture and has no recollection of how he ended up on the couch or he will blame the piss scent on me.
@Kristina I do have an actual concern for my sons well-being when he's alone with him because he makes such poor decisions and he thinks he is invincible but I'm scared court will write me off as being unreasonable. I feel like I was staying to keep eyes on my son but he was putting me through so much shit with the emotional cheating and constant partying, I couldn't take it anymore. Any other feedback you'd have, please share because I can tell you're an honest person that doesn't sugar coat. I'm in the middle of debating to take him to court since I have acquired evidence that he has a drinking problem.
@👑Jess👑 thank you for your feedback also 🙏 to answer your question, he was dependable in the sense that if I needed help or if it were something financial. However, EMOTIONALLY, dependable went out the window and was the most void I've ever ever. I do think I am all of the above on the ABCs lol.
I see…. Well. Still separate your emotions from his parenting and do what you need to do. They’ll do supervised visits if needed. And make him blow in a device before pick up if needed. In the mean time heal. Relationships are hard and I wasn’t judging. I’ve just been through it and I had to remove myself from the toxicity. Meaning I became toxic. It helped me and my kids to do so. It’s worth it!! Trust me!! I’m doing so much better and you’ll get there.
@Kristina such great advice ❤️ I'm happy you are doing well and we're able to separate yourself and remove yourself from the toxicity. I have felt in turn, I have become toxic too just from feeling not valued or loved in a way that seems meaningful.
And it's impossible to give to your kids when you are working from that place. I didn't realize that parenting and my relationship were separate issues. I know that may seem common sense but I have been so clouded I am seeing that now. I appreciate your feedback, truly ♥️
As for blowing, he is refusing all sorts of drug or alcohol testing. I'm speculating other drugs too since he's a former meth addict and there have been some signs. Oh well. I guess this is what life dealt me. I just have to find a way for it to not destroy me.
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