Is there a polite way to ask people to message before stoppping by?

I would just ask them to let you know when they're coming by in advanced in case you're trying to catch up with housework or sleep

Let them know you really appreciate their support and enjoy the visits but you're letting everyone know to do this, not just them

The longer you wait to say something the more awkward it'll be when you finally do

I agree with saying some thing. I think going to the point where you bang on someone’s window expecting to be let in becomes unreasonable. I’m a mama bear about nap time and I don’t play around because my son is a high sleep needs kid. My dad will come by unannounced on very rare occasions, but he usually sends me a heads up. He’s always welcome and he’s incredibly helpful and I never mind it. But when he knows my husband is home he always ask. I have also reiterated to him that he’s always welcome, and if I need to get my son down first, I’ll say give me 15 minutes- Let me get William down. if someone was popping by uninvited and making my life harder, they would not be welcomed inside. I feel like that’s the big difference. It’s also different when it is your family isn’t cool and they don’t seem to ever take it so personally.

Next time they come over, before they leave just say something like
“It was so lovely seeing you. Text or call me when your next planning on coming over incase we’re out or she’s having a sleep, as I’d feel awful if you came over & we weren’t home or she’s napping”

That way it’s putting your point across but still being kind x

Just say next time you want to come round can you please let me know. Or just say I don’t like people to turn up unannounce.

Maybe say to them the next time they turn up unannounced that you are just about to go out and that they should have asked first

I didn’t have to say anything, hubby told his parents. We got a new place when i was like 9 months pregnant aka about to give birth and FIL made it very known that they did not feel welcomed or that they could “just drop by”. Hubby told them it was also my place and as a woman I need privacy. That when the baby comes, I planned on breastfeeding and that meant often being topless/braless. Plus I was a new mom trying to get rest which meant I was probably going to be napping throughout the day. They’ve never asked to come since then and I honestly prefer it that way. I’m 11 months pp and 21 weeks pregnant. I’m still often napping and always braless as I still nurse. We have a small 2 bedroom and 2 dogs, we don’t have the most host friendly place sadly. All this to say, you don’t have to say anything! Your partner should.

That’s a life rule of my home .
Don’t stop by without asking first and DONT bring anybody with you to my house without asking …
It’s rude and people are grown married adults . ASK FIRST

No, you’re not being unreasonable at all! Just bluntly ask them not to show up unannounced and to give X amount of notice (30 min, 2 hours, a day, whatever you feel is best) before coming over. If they show up and they failed to give notice, then you need to be firm that it’s not a good time and they need to come back a different day when they’ve scheduled a visit. Showing up unannounced and banging on the window at naptime is utterly ridiculous.

If you don’t nip this in the bud now, they will continue to cross boundaries and put increased demands on your life and time. It’s not their house, and they’re not entitled to show up whenever they please and demand to be let in without any regard for your family!