birth anxiety

okay so i’m 25 weeks pregnant and i’ve pretty much dissociated throughout this whole pregnancy, i’m petrified of birth and always have been, even though there’s nothing more that i want to be than a mother i’ve always avoided getting pregnant because of birth…i know this is fucked up to say but i’ve even had 2 abortions in the past because i was so scared…well and it was because i was 16 & 18 when i got pregnant so i was still super young and not ready but birth was part of it. but now that i’m 22 and my partner is 26 i feel it’s time to have a baby as i want to be a youngish mum. but I am freaking the fk out, i already know about hypnobirthing and i’ve done so much research honestly since i was like 16 because i’ve always wanted to be a mum so badly but birth just scared me so much that i’ve done so much research since i was 16 till now 22 and have a lot of knowledge on natural births and i know that when you are in labour it’s so important to flow with the contractions and it’s so important to not fight against it and tense up & i’ve heard about the breathing techniques ect but i also have seen stories where people have done hypnobirthing and when they’re in the moment everything they learnt flies out the window and they just freak out and end up having a traumatic birth is there something that those people are doing wrong? is there a way that i could avoid that and stay as calm as possible? like idk i need some tips pls im really trying my best to have the most calm go with the flow birth as i can i want to be able to listen to my body and let my body push for me like all these positive hypnobirthing stories go i’m praying really badly , so please give me some tips it would mean a lot to me