Am I going mad

Me and my partner have a long history of a very unstable relationship.

He is a very aggressive person. He spent years and years really losing his temper, swearing, screaming, breaking things, pure aggression during arguments over very minor matters. This was a weekly occurrence. Then the next day he'd apologise profusely and say it would never happen again. Every time I bring the past up, considering it has left me with severe trauma He keeps saying "you act like you were an angel", "you made me do it" etc. I had minor anxiety following a car accident when I met him whereas he had complicated issues and major trauma from his upbringing. If I say to him you treated me poorly because of your upbringing he'll say it's not like you were normal when i met you.

This has calmed down to some extent. However he has never understood me as a person, what upsets me, what triggers me. When I'm spiralling. Why something bothers me. He doesn't understand that years of his anger and unpredictability has left me emotionally and mentally very unstable. Every time there's a justification for his disproportionate reaction. We don't sit together as a couple or communicate unless he wants to talk about himself. When I bring up anything to do with me he will acknowledge it and continue with his own thing. I've had health issues and currently searching for jobs, he never checks in on me. If I'm unwell he will ask other people to come and look after me and go out himself. He never hugs me, holds my hand or any loving gesture. His excuse is he's never been like that. If I cry he won't hug or console me, he will mock me and say carry on get it out.

He also deliberately gas lights me. But I don't know if I'm just imagining this.

I'll give you two examples. Every time his mum comes to visit, who gives 0 support she will tell me im not looking after the baby properly. He's said to her don't make comments like that as they stress me out. She visited again two weeks ago and did the same thing. This time I tried to ignore it and simply mentioned the next day to partner your mum said xyz. The matter hasn't been brought up for 2 weeks. We've been arguing for the last couple of days over an unrelated matter and he keeps saying you're always trying to create conflict because you always have a problem with my mum.

I saw his sister who is 10 and she said to me I hope you harm yourself completely out of no where in the middle of a general conversation. This really upset me and I ended up crying a lot. We were arguing last night and he said to me she's just a kid and you made such a big deal about what she said you tried to cause conflict there as well, oh she got told off and SHE cried. I was genuinely so upset at what she said to me and he was not at home at the time for me to talk to him about it. I cried for 3 hours. And he says to me you made a big deal over a kid saying something. Am I being unreasonable or is he gas lighting me?

His sister said this to me a week ago and my mental health has massively been impacted which has caused me to lash out to him for the past week. But he doesn't see it at all. He's saying to me you are an adult and she's a child. He invalidates my feelings at every point. And then after I had had a panic attack he tried to calm me down and said he doesn't care about his sister and he just said it because he was angry.

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'You made me do it' is abuse. It is gaslighting. You don't say that to someone you love.

You have cPTSD. You can message me

You need help immediately. You're not going mad but you're not safe. None of it is your fault. This is what abuse does.

Sorry but it seems a very toxic relationship. The best thing that you can do is to leave him and heal yourself

Nothing here is OK. I would go out of it ASAP.

I agree with the other ladies.
I left a 20 year abusive relationship (2 years ago on Wednesday!) because I just became sick of it all. The walking on eggshells, telling my children as I pick them up from school “Dad’s in a bad mood. Please don’t piss him off” 😭 yes people argue, yes we bicker, but what your partner says and does is abuse and gaslighting. You can’t ‘make’ him do something to you. HE controls that aspect. Can I send you a book called Living with the Dominator? I can email it across. I don’t know when in the world you are but in the UK we have The Freedom Program for female victims/survivors of domestic violence. It’s a real good book. It may help you to read a little each night, then try and be more informed about your next steps. Or seek some professional assistance from a dv charity. If you’d like the book, please drop me your email in a private message x

That goes for anyone!

And as for “am I going mad” - NO! You’re not going mad, that is the gaslighting in full force. They make you question yourself, they make you wonder, was it really me and not him? I think some professional advice would be very good for you. You don’t need to do anything you don’t want to do. You don’t HAVE to leave him. But just make sure you are more well informed. You’re constantly safety planning, living on edge. I know because I have been there. My inbox is always open. I may not respond straight away but I’m here ♥️

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Hidden veg mince pasty 🥐

Grated courgette and carrot mixed in with onion and mince and a little bit of tomato puree. 😋

My daughter has become a little fussy and prefers anything she can hold so made these today for lunch! She’s 14 months old 🩷

Appropriate age to go out

I am the kind of person who struggles with being at home all day, not good for my mental health. I have a 1 month old and I am trying to start doing things with her. Like going ti the park, running errands. But people seem surprised and kind of judgy that I am out with the baby at her age. Is this wrong?

Am I wrong for getting upset?

Long story short. My cousin made a group chat for bridesmaids and groomsman to plan out bachelorette party.
I sent one text about finding a sitter and my cousin texts me to stop saying stuff like that cause no one gives a shit? As if no one else is gonna mention their personal lives during planning a trip of 10 people?
I. Put the screenshots. I got so hurt I told her just count me out if the mention of my kid offends everyone.

Roles between a sthm and a working partner?

I started wondering if our arrangement makes any sense. When I was pregnant I saw a cute video of a couple where they sleep seperately, the mom takes care of the baby during the night, the husband wakes up early in the morning takes over so the woman sleeps a bit before he gets to work I suggest this arrangement to my husband and we both liked it. Since I gave birth to my 22 month old boy, we are sleeping separately, I’m taking care of everything. My toddler still wakes up during the night every two hours on average. I wake up in the morning to make his breakfast and drive him to the train station and pick him up later in the day. I clean and cook and take care of my boy, with no appreciation or thank you. If I say I’m tired it turns he’d say what are you doing all day or he’d remind me of how he’s paying for everything. I am emotionally and physically exhausted and I don’t feel this is how a team should work.

Having a bit of a sad day

I don’t know if I want advice or just to get it out a bit.
I had a bit of a rubbish Mother’s Day, and then today had a falling out with my mum.
Very long story short, me and my partner turn 30 this year and were thinking of taking a short trip (2-3 days max) just the two of us to celebrate. Our son will be 2 by then.
We had discussed leaving our son with our parents and them sort of splitting having him (eg. My mum has him one night and my boyfriend’s mum has him the other two nights, or whatever we collectively decide on). They are both happy to do this.

Yesterday my MIL was pushing my son’s pram and got distracted and pushed it off the pavement into the road, a car missed the pram by about 5 seconds. This upset me a lot.

Me and my partner discussed this later on and I said it worries me leaving our son with her in case she does something like that. We also discussed the fact that my mum pays very little attention to our son when she’s with him and is absolutely glued to her phone (looking at social media etc) so we might just take him on holiday with us.

Then this morning I had a chat with my mum and told her we would probably just take our son away with us. She asked why and I mentioned the pram thing with my MIL so she said she would just have him- so I thought it was time to mention that when she’s with him she is glued to her phone and gets distracted and that it just worries me a bit. (For reference she’s been watching him before and because she’s been on her phone he’s managed to get half way up her stairs.)
She absolutely lost it at me. Called me rude etc.

I try so hard not to upset anyone and I’m just so so fed up now. I just wish it was simple and we could trust them to take care of him but they are both away with the fairies.

I want to talk to my mum but i don’t know how to approach it now. Just feel like i need a big cry.

Married couples…who handles car maintenance in your household?

Oil changes, tune ups, tires, car washing/vacuuming, etc