I wish I had kids sooner

I'm so sorry. This sounds so hard. Your feelings are so valid but try to remember that if you had done this earlier you wouldn't have the child/children you have now/will have in the future.
Time worked perfectly to deliver you the baby you have with their unique and awesome personality, you never would have met them if you did things differently.
Sending love to you

Firstly, your feelings are totally valid and it’s okay to feel that way. Maybe you could try to find the positives in waiting? You’ve gained more life experience, you’ve had time with your partner just the two of you, you’ve probably established a good life and home for your children.

I once heard a saying ‘you don’t have children when you want them, you have them when you need them’ 🩷

I always wanted children, I’m 33 now and I fell pregnant at 32 while on contraception and not in a serious relationship. I blame myself for it, however without I wouldn’t have my beautiful boy. 🩷🩷

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. Sometimes I think about what it would have been like if I’d had kids sooner, but like others have said, you had time just the two of you and experiences that you may not have had if you’d had kids sooner. My dad had me when he was in his 40’s, but I never once thought of him as an old dad or that I didn’t connect with him. I have a very close relationship with him and age was never a factor. He was super fun, played with us lots and taught us so much. I have great memories with my dad and I don’t think being younger would have changed that/made it better. I never feel that I missed out with my parents and I have beautiful childhood memories and your child/future children will too. xxx

My in-laws got married young. FIL always wanted kids while my MIL was very adamant on not wanting children until after 11 years of marriage. God blessed them with 2 beautiful children…I’m so glad they waited so long to be parents if not I wouldn’t have been married to the love of my life.
In other words, it’s always good to have children when you’re ready to have them. Believe me if your spouse insisted in changing your mind about having children sooner, you wouldn’t have enjoyed motherhood as you do today.

I have been doing the same thing except mine, and my husband were the reverse of you two.
But I will say your husband deserves some love for respecting you enough to not push the issue. He knew you both would have them when you both were ready.
There are pros and cons to waiting and having them early. But no matter what, your kids will love you either way.

My dad was 41 when I was born and he was a great dad. Your husband can still have an amazing relationship with his kids and live life to the fullest as an awesome dad. Plus the dad jokes are better as a more mature dad, I think.

Yeah try doing it again twice at 39&40 lol

My husband and I met in 2009. Dated. Broke up. Ended up back together. Moved in with him for good in 2012. Several houses, several states, two dogs later.... We got legally married in October 2019. We realized in 2022 that if we kept waiting we would never have kids at all. We started trying at 36.5 . We got pregnant a few weeks after I turned 37 ( and a few days after he turned 37)..... I had him at 37 weeks and 3 days pregnant 😳.... ... Hubby and I turned 38 in October of last year. Little man turned one on 06 21 24 🥰

We will have two bio kids.... Then a few years later adopt teenagers 🤣🤣🤣🤣

It’s a great therapy request. Looks like you have everything in right place in your life, but feeling regret. You need to forgive yourself and accept that it’s your only possible best reality. Feelings are hard, but they make the life worth living. You are a great caring wife and looks like a great mom ❤️
if you had your kids earlier those would be different kids, they would pick something else from both of you and you would never have met the child you had two years ago.

We’ve tihought about adopting Antone

Another

My son stay at my moms we have the girls I think he wished now we hasn’t tied my tubes so he coulda got another litter whether it killed me or not

Valid feelings! My story is similar-ish - I wanted kids earlier like from about 27 but my husband (who is 6 years older) was reluctant and he kept making me put it off. I finally had my boy just before I turned 31, and my hubby turned 37. Now I’m 32 and due with my second. I wish I had kids sooner and I resent my husband a bit for delaying. He feels bad too because he’s getting closer to 40 and feeling his age running around with a vigorous toddler. He wishes he didn’t delay and had kids when he was younger and stronger.

Why do you feel you waited to long? Your age? I myself have been with my husband for 13 years and we have a 2.5 year old and one on the way. I sometimes think oh should I have started earlier but then also think damn should I have waited 😂❤️ I dont think there is any perfect time, something will always be an issue. Id be thankful you’ve got to a point in your relationship where you can talk comfortably about what you want and maybe you weren’t there before! Also I like to think would I have my son if I had him at a different time. He is the most perfect soul and I always think he was just what I needed ❤️

Why are you running out of time? I'm pregnant now with my first at 35. I am thinking constantly 'wow I'm glad I didn't have kids before now'.

@Sarah that's a great perspective and thank you for sharing. Idk I think it's because my husband has always wanted kids and I made him wait because I wasn't ready all to actually say in the end that I do want kids and I feel like I could've been prepared for them much sooner. Now that we did wait, I feel like I stole time from him that we could've had as a family because we weren't growing or experiencing anything as singles... or that's how I feel.

@Genevieve yes I feel that exactly!

@Stephanie we want to be really close to our kids and I feel like the larger the age gap the harder it'll be. Or at least just keep up with them when they're 20 and we don't want to be left behind or too tired to do anything with them

I am sorry to hear you’re in pain. Think about it this way- you can’t change it now but you can grow the best life for your family going forward. I had my first (and likely only) at 37 and I know I was right to wait. I have so much to offer at this stage and you do, too.

I'm in a similar situation except I have a 13 year old. My husband always wanted another child, and I was VERY against it. Never wanted another, until this year. I'm 30, and due with a baby boy in November. I feel so selfish for waiting so long. My daughter grew up without a sibling, I made my husband wait so long, we are older. I feel your guilt.

I tried all my life to get pregnant basically

My babies are what saved it

Don’t ever feel guilty for bringing innocence into this dark world we need them

Just replying. My parents had me at 23 and my sister at 25. Both me and my sister are estranged from my parents. They had us too young, didn't grow up and didn't learn how to have an adult relationship with their children. There are good things and bad things about having younger parents, but I don't think that dictates how close you will be to them (especially when your kids get older in their 30s). My husband is 6m younger than me and his Dad is 5 years older, and keeps up just as well as my Dad does. Both sets of parents are very fit, despite the 5 year age gap.

Nothing is more important than a stable relationship BEFORE you have kids. You guys had that chance ☺️ imagine if he was the wrong person?? So please look at it as a blessing you had the time together and you can have kids now. You can reminisce on memories pre babies and know that it’s just them that’s making life stressful when it does happen lol. Also keep your health in check and you’ll be around for a while yet. The world these babies are born into is going to be an interesting one! 😝

I’ve experienced this feeling recently, I didn’t want kids but my partner did. We were together for 12 years before I finally said I was ready and we fell pregnant almost immediately. Since having my LO I felt such guilt at waiting so long. My partner wanted to be a young dad and I feel like I robbed that from him.

I recently went to him in tears and apologized for waiting and shared all the guilt I was feeling. He assured me he didn’t feel that way and we had a good discussion.

I still feel guilt but it’s not eating me up anymore, and I try to look at the positives. My partner and I both had some mental and emotional stuff we had to work through in our 20s and honestly if I’d had a kid during that time I would not have been the patient and caring mother I am today, so I am grateful for that. It also gives us great motivation to stay fit and healthy now so we can keep up with them later in life.

I hope you can work past these feelings, message if you want to chat xxx

I understand what you are saying but I would try not to resent your husband for not encouraging you, it was good of him to respect your wishes. I sometimes feel like if I had been younger I might have considered a third but feel too old now and 2 is enough!
I just think, if I had them sooner, it wouldn't be the children I have now, it would be a different child and not the ones I love. You might have felt regret if you had them young but now you know that you have lived your own life first and the rest of your lives to put everything in to your kids, so don't feel bad, things happen when they are supposed to 💖

@Teri This is exactly how I feel. I ended up talking to him about it, too, but there's still that regret i can't shake yet. A lot of our friends are our age with kids too, so I shouldn't be so eaten up so much with guilt, but there's a lot more that had them younger and I just can't help but be mad at myself for not having those conversations earlier. Even if it was just a few years sooner. I absolutely love my LO and if I had them sooner maybe I wouldn't have him but maybe I could also have many more siblings for them. I feel like it will be hard to have kids in a couple of years bc of our age (my husband is 2 years older than me).

Honestly same, that regret hasn’t gone away. I’m just trying to work through it as I can’t change the situation, and I had my reasons at the time to delay having kids (although I forget the reasons now).

We desperately want a sibling for our little one but I am tired and I can see the impact of having a little one at an older age, but we will try for one more. I think if I had kids younger I might have even wanted a third but that’s definitely not a possibility. I am concerned about the impact of having a second on our exhaustion levels. My partner is also 2 years older than me.

I also never had anyone have conversations regarding the pros and cons of being younger/older and having kids.

It is what it is and we are happy, maybe we wouldn’t be so happy if we had kids younger 🤷‍♀️ I am glad for the love of my family, and try to look past the things I can’t change. And it will be a lesson I will try to discuss openly with my LO when she grows up.

I was career driven. Once commited, 5 years fertility struggle. 16 month old boy (clap clap) but yes I feel the same and question would we have had more had we started trying earlier. My plan is just to settle in what we have and be nothing less than grateful 🤍