Feeling Disappointed..
My older sister didn’t come to my baby shower, and has yet to purchase anything for our baby. She has a couple of planned vacations I know she is saving pto for, but it was on a weekend and she wouldn’t have had to take time off of work or pay for a hotel. I moved out of state when I got married last year, and we have what I would consider to be a very close relationship. I feel like maybe she just doesn’t get it? My baby will be the first grandchild and niece on my side of the family. Parents and older brother are super supportive. They traveled to help me throw my shower and did so much to help me get the house ready for it. For reference-there are 12 years between my brother and I, and 9 between my sister and I- I’m the youngest .
I asked if she could help coordinate things for baby shower- like picking a couple of group gifts (that’s something our community does) and making sure I didn’t forget to invite anyone (we used a Facebook group, so that was something that didn’t require her to be here in person) ..nothing. As a result we still have a lot of larger items to purchase on our registry.
I’m not sure what her finances are at the moment, so I didn’t feel any type of way about her not buying anything for the baby because I understand things can be tight. But then she mentioned that she may be going on a group Cancun trip and also bought a guy she’s been talking to some “gifts” (just cause) and it struck a nerve. I just feel like she’s very wrapped up in her own world and doesn’t really care. When she calls she wants to talk mostly about her dating life and get advice- which I’m very supportive of and make sure I don’t make everything about me and the baby. I get so many screenshots of conversations or guys that may be interested in her, and it’s hard for me not to find those conversations trivial. I’m trying to understand and be sensitive- maybe this is triggering something in her that I don’t realize? She’s just my big sister (she’s 37) and I feel like she’s shown the least amount of support out of anyone and it really makes me feel so sad.
Also…she keeps referring to her dog as my baby’s big cousin and that annoys me to no end..
Are my feelings self-centered? I’ve not really vocalized anything to anyone accept my husband..he’s brutally honest and says she just doesn’t care. Which isn’t easy to hear. I just feel sad I haven’t really had a “big sister” in this season like I thought I would.
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Just based on this, and you absolutely have the right to be upset and bothered by her actions or lack of interest- it kinda seems like maybe she’s struggling internally with her baby sister being married and having a family? I could be way off but this just feels like a “I’m separating myself to avoid my own insecurities and going to really talk up how amazing things are”
I feel like you may be right. It’s been hard to bring up- I’ve tried to in a tactful way because I don’t want it to seem like I’m overlooking her potential feelings on the matter. At the same time, I feel sad that I can celebrate her in a season of life that I haven’t yet reached, but she can’t do the same. She prioritized her career, went to school for almost a decade and is doing amazing! I want that same career success one day, but chose to prioritize building a family first. Now, that comes with its own set of challenges as well. But that doesn’t mean I can’t celebrate and be happy for her success. I guess I just hoped she would see it that way too
Your sister is immature. I'm going through something similar with my friend of 20 years. She's also 37 years old. She's always calling and texting me about random guys and never has asked about my baby or pregnancy. I'm 8 months. I have been so upset about it. I think they are just not ready to share us with a baby that requires more attention.
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