Family debate

Personally I wouldn’t go. We’ve had to sadly decline 3 wedding invitations this year because the couple have said children are not welcome. I think that’s fine, but at the same time they need to accept that not everyone will be happy to leave their children for a day and evening, never mind multiple days.

One of the weddings was a close family friend so my partner did attend that without me. The other two neither of us went because I wasn’t prepared to leave our child in the care of someone else.

Your partner probably feels awful leaving you and the kids at home but at the same time won’t want to miss his sisters wedding. Just be clear with her that you are sad you can’t go but that your children come first and attending wouldn’t be an issue if children could go too. If she holds that against you then it’s quite unreasonable. If she really wants you both there she will make an exception xxx

But I think to just have your partner go is a reasonable compromise xx

Thank you Chelsea, I think your response is totally on point to how I feel too! It’s just a shame like you say that people do unfortunately hold things against you it’s hard but nothing you can do. I don’t mind if he was to go without me but yeah I can’t help how he feels and that’s completely up to him x

I think is especially hard when you’re faced with what everyone else will expect from you, it’s very easy for people to say “just get childcare” or “just come without your wife and kids” but it’s just not that easy, he might genuinely not wanna go without you guys and would prefer to not go. I personally wouldn’t go that out of my way to be fair if kids weren’t invited, I’m the default parent so I’d just stay at home with the kids, maybe send a gift as an apology. I know everyone has opinions on child free weddings, fair enough - but not for me, if you’re inviting family to a wedding, kids are family too 🤷🏻‍♀️ xx

I guess you could all go and you and the kids just not go to the wedding but then it’s keeping them occupied in February in Cornwall. It might be classed as an exceptional circumstance with school.
Or not go. She’s his sister and has picked a date which is really awkward for your family and make it child free. She’s perfectly entitled to have a kid free wedding however you are also entitled to say no. It’s not like it’s down the road either.
What does your oh want to do with the kids? I guess as well he’s probably not keen to go to a wedding by himself.

It’s a shame the wedding doesn’t fall during the half term. As your partner is trying to make everyone happy - maybe this could work:

Tuesday - pick up kids from school/nursery (wherever) drop them off around 5pm (this way family won’t have to take a day off but depends on their work pattern) Drive to Cornwall in the evening arrive late close to midnight.

Wednesday - after a nice lie in, wake up and get ready. Check out of the hotel and attend the wedding. Not sure what time the wedding finishes but stay until about 5/6. Long drive home.

Thursday - in the morning, wake up early to get the kids and take them to school. That way, whoever is watching them only misses 1 day of work.

However this solution might be tiring.

thank you for your reply. So my partner doesn’t want to go without me.
His thoughts at the moment are there’s too much going on atm we have a baby arriving soon and that’s my focus. He is just going to await the final details and invite has he believes she probably will change it due to not only us that no doubt will have issues with this x

thank you Melissa , yeah this is an option definitely. I just don’t know who can commit to his yet I guess 18 months in advance some wouldn’t want to commit to that especially with a 1 year old. X