My partner watches porn/sexual ASMR

Hi everyone, I know this may not be a bit deal to some of you ladies, but I'm just feeling very hurt and low. My little boy is 1 this month, and before he was even born, I caught my partner looking at naked women online through porn sites and reddit, when I questioned him he said he would never do it again (silly me believed him). The week I gave birth (I had a c-section and was in a lot of pain) I found out he went upstairs into the bathroom, knowing I couldn't walk upstairs and mastrubated to porn 😔 I found this out around 4 months ago and it broke my heart, knowing I was downstairs with our newborn, struggling, in pain, very overwhelmed and feeling very lost in the new world of Motherhood and he did that. Now, last week I went on his YouTube as my phone had died and I wanted to watch some highlights of a TV show, he was in the shower and left his phone, and I honestly diddnt think I'd find anything through YouTube but I did. His search was full of ASMR videos where half naked women dressed up in sexual costumes and with their breast half hanging out were doing something called "spit ASMR" (Gross I know), there was also "personal attention ASMR" "Flirty nurse role play ASMR" and a few more. I asked him about it and he completed flipped on me and said he gets nothing from it but he just likes listening to it, it's just convenient that theres similar videos where women are fully dressed just doing normal types of ASMR, but he chooses the one where theyre half baked. I get this may be normal for some people, but we've been together 7 years, he knows I have VERY low self esteem, I am very conscious that he has "needs" but so do I? Whenever I initiate sex or anything I get completely shut down. I keep replaying the situation of me being downstairs 1 week PP and him upstairs, and it's breaking my heart. I get it was a stressful time for us both becoming parents, but I just don't think there was any need for it 😔 I constantly don't feel good enough. Last night I let him just "do his thing" and have sex with me because I'm afraid if he doesn't get to have sex or "his fix" that he'll just go back to porn. Please please help me, I'm so upset and really don't know what to do. Just a side note, apart from this, he is a lovely guy who will do anything for me and baby, but this is really really hurting me, the worst thing is too, he knows it 😔