Do hands ever become gentle?

It really does depend on if they know what it means, it's just words otherwise! Like saying "it's hot" they need to know what hot is before they will understand "its hot" I hope that makes sense?

Saying gentle hands is only part of it. Make sure your modeling is what a gentle touch is. Be very specific about what you want. Don’t alienate using language, always use we. Gentle hands is vague. Try “We use gentle hands when we want to touch mommy.” Model running hands through their hair. And of course reinforce the behavior you want to see.

"When you pull mommy's hair, I have to put you down."

Make sure your consistent with putting them down after they're rough and explain why. It does eventually get better ...... But I have noticed even older kids when extremely excited can still be rougher with Mom than anyone else because we are their safe space

We do similar. We practice "soft touch" with our hands to be gentle. Petting kitties, Mama's face. At school they practice on teacher's hand. I also will ask him to be gentle with Mama and hold his hand to pat my skin to show what level of pressure is okay and then I will at his arm. It's not 100%, but we do see progress.

When he's over excited and hitting or being rough we take a different tactic and talk about "being too silly, let's take a deep breath" to help.

Also, I try not to react if it's something accidental to try not to make it into something.