Marriage issue
Just looking for some advice. My long term partner really doesn’t want to get married. We have 2 children together and are currently renting but speaking about buying a house. My children have his surname and I really want the same surname as them. He says I can change their surname to mine but I’m worried my children will grow older and feel insecure about the fact their surname was changed from dads to mine? I wanted to just change my surname but he says it’s weird. I can’t understand how he can love me and our family if he wouldn’t want to share a surname with me?
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Honestly, I'd sit down and get him to be really specific about why he doesn't want to get married. It's less of a commitment to somebody than a joint marriage or having children so what's the issue. Did his parents have a messy divorce, is he anxious about paying for a wedding, is he not taking the parenting/joint mortgage commitments seriously enough, does he have an issue with a perceived religious element? I think some people are anxious about standing up in front of everyone for the actual ceremony, but don't want to admit that! You need to get out of him what the actual issue is so you can decide if it's something you can resolve or live with. If he won't communicate about it I'd call his bluff about changing the children's names. The idea that kids should have their Dads names because he's male is nonsense, my boy has my name and we will both continue to do so if I (hopefully one day) marry Daddy!
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