Does it get better?
Hi all,
I am three weeks post TFMR. It’s was a really fast and sudden process for me as I had found out at 23 weeks that my previously perfectly healthy baby boy was severely underdeveloped and I had lost all of my amniotic fluid meaning there was no way for him to grow to a size that he would be viable. Because it was a Catholic hospital, They had originally told me I just had to wait for his heart to stop and then have a stillbirth. However, my Doctor actually called me separately outside of the hospital to inform me of the option to terminate, however because my state does not allow it passed 23 + 6 weeks, I had to act fast. Everything after felt like a blur, my husband and I cried for days and shut our selves out from the world until I could have the D & C. Since then I have gone back to work and tried to move on, but am honestly in a very dark place right now. This was my first and only child so it’s been extremely challenging to cope with this lose. I also work a job where I am constantly meeting new people and am right around the age where many people my age are having kids. I get asked a lot of I have kids and don’t know what to say. I know 3 weeks isn’t long but it’s hard to even imagine my future now, let alone a happy one right now. That’s why I just want to know if and when it got better for you all? Any advice to grieving and coping process?
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Hey. I’m really sorry to hear about your experience. Sounds super tough. But it will get easier. I hope you and your husband have been able to support each other through this time.
Grief is so different for everyone, and it can creep up on people so easily at any moment of the day. And that’s ok. Let yourself go there when you can.
Look after yourselves xxxx
It will get easier, I am 3 months out from my tfmr & I am feeling a lot better.
I still think of my daughter everyday, but I now feel that I feel more gratitude than grief and so grateful that I got to carry her for 5 months.
I’d recommend counselling, it’s really helped me & I’ve also found journaling really helpful, as you can get all the feelings in your head down on paper.
Sending you lots of love ❤️
I realise this is an old post however, if it’s helps, I had a TFMR 2 years ago at used under 30 weeks. The first year was a dark time and didn’t (still don’t really) want to hear about other peoples pregnancies and babies. I made that very clear to people and also protected myself from online content/who I followed. If people can’t understand that then that’s their problem. I also did and still do things to promote charity work, including raising money for bable loss causes. I had various types of therapy and support, and was fortunate enough to be entitled to time off work. I spent a huge amount of time (and still do) self caring and learning about other women’s baby loss stories. I found this opened up a new connection and made it less lonely. There are loads of books and podcasts that are very supportive. I also celebrate both of my babies who died during pregnancy to normalise conversations about baby loss. This isn’t something that people shouldn’t be able to talk about. Xxx
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