Grandparents not involved in her own Sons life but wants to see grandchild
My partner has not spoken to his mum for over 10 years due to trauma she caused during a family affair and she has put in very little effort to change this, seeing him/us on only 3 occasions at family events during this time. We have since got married and have a child. At a family gathering recently she came up to us and said ‘can I hold her’, there was no prior conversation and she stormed off sayings ‘she’s done with us’ when we said no.
Are we unreasonable for not allowing her to hold our child when she is a stranger in our lives?
I’m frustrated that she expected to hold her when we have not had any contact with her and she won’t even acknowledge her own child.
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No, and doesn't sound like a relationship breakdown with her is a massive issue for either of you either (in terms of being bothered by it) so I'd leave her to it. At the end of the day if your partner and her want to sort their relationship out that's up to them, your focus is your partner and your baby. Why would you want her having your baby when she's a relative stranger! The entitlement is ridiculous!
No not at all. Her getting frustrated because you wouldn't just hand your son over to her is ridiculous. Not even an initial starter conversation, just expecting you to hand him over but gets all stroppy and walks off. It's up to you and your partner if you want her to be a part of his life or not, but based on that she just sounds like a drama queen which I have zero time for in my families life 🤨🙄
I am very much in your husband's camp. So my mother has been quite a nasty person in my own life but it's an absolutely resounding no from me for her to be involved in my child's life. I worry that she already destroyed my life and will weaponize my unborn child for her selfish reasons. If they want to be involved they need to make an effort with you as the parents before they can get involved with your child's life. Also I've said to my mother I want to see real changes in her life and work on our relationship before she gets a free pass to see her grandchild. Until then don't let them destroy another humans life and protect your sanity.
She sounds like she doesn't really deserve it tbh. Your child is not responsible for her feelings and has no obligation to be held by someone who hurt his dad... what does your husband say?
Also if she said she's done with you I think you can take that to mean no further obligations in future. Storming off is aggressive and little ones need to be protected from aggressive behaviour
Thank you for your support! I didn’t want to seem too harsh in the decision of her not being involved. It’s not a no forever as ofcourse people can change and she is more than welcome to restore the relationship with her son which could lead to her having a relationship with her grandchild but that’s out of our control. Time to focus on my family and not worry about how others feel about it
I think it's fair to protect your child, that's how I feel in my personal position as well. Just because someone is blood doesn't mean they get to act as they please. If you wouldn't allow a friend to do it then you certainly don't need to allow a family member to do it.
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