Symbrachydactyly advice
My beautiful baby girl , Esra, was born with no pinky fingers. It was a complete surprise when she arrived to the world as it hadn't been picked up during any scans (although I don't remember them ever trying to count fingers at any of the scans I had including the 3D one) ... Anyway, we obviously love her exactly the same and are keen to make sure that this doesn't define her and it'll never be a case of "Hi meet my daughter she has 8 fingers", if that makes sense. A lot of the time we actually forget because she doesn't have nubs or anything until we see another child's hands and realize they're obviously wider than Esra's.
Naturally her dad and I do worry, because people can be unkind, especially other children. But children are also curious and often blunt too, which we expect and understand. However, we do fear/ worry about the day that she might come to us upset because she's been made fun of or is uncomfortable with the questions she might get or even just feeling low because she's comparing herself to others. It's something that does sometimes keep us up at night because although we and her family and all of our friends could not care less and barely notice that a difference is there; we know that naturally people compare themselves to others etc.
So the only reason for this post is because I'm really hoping to gain advice or tips on how we can prepare ourselves to support her if and when she needs it. And that's not just if she has a bad day but also ways that we can teach her to be 'strong' with anything that comes her way and not be disheartened if people ask questions etc. I guess we'd like her to be resilient whilst also knowing that we will always have her back and she can talk to us about anything, and we have some ideas on how we would handle different things if it came up but I'm interested to know what other moms think, whether your child has had to deal with similar things or not. And ultimately just even as adults.
She's only 5 months old so I appreciate I'm getting ahead of myself but it's something I've thought of a lot.
Whether it's a comment on this or a DM, I appreciate any advice or tips we can get ☺️(apologies for the lengthy post, it's been a tough one to try and explain in the right way)
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Hello! What a cutie pie 🥰 I would suggest looking for childrens books that have disabled people represented in them. Maybe look for dolls that have different disabilities too. So she can see that she’s not the only one who looks different and being different is what makes us all unique individuals. I think the books will help her to deal with the challenges that she might face because a lot of these books will display children being teased or bullied for being different and how the child reacts to those situations and people. She’s going to know how much she is loved and valued and that our physical bodies are just what’s on the outside!! 💜
Cute girl! 😍 I wouldn't worry too much, honestly! I'm sure she will learn to embrace her difference and yes, children can be mean but if she's comfortable in her own skin she'll just brush the comments off. We had a boy with only one hand in my class at one point and it never caused any issues at all! ❤️
that's actually such a good idea with the books! I'll look out for those! thank you for the reassurance, I think it's easy to get lost in the 'what ifs' 😅
Thank you both!
As above find books with disabilities represented.
My little one had clubfoot. His feet won't always look 'incorrect' so to speak but he will always have the scars and will always have to be careful in case of relapse. He also has special footgear he has to wear and may need further operations in future.
The main thing I am doing is encouraging him to love himself and his body. Not the same but I was born with 'kinked' little fingers which means they bend half way down in towards my hand. Honestly i was made fun of a lot for it but my dad taught me I could use my fingers to make a heart shape and to love their uniqueness.
This is what I hope to do for my son and I imagine would be fantastic for esra
There’s a toddler book called “The Same But Different” which I read to my 2 year old who was born with a birth defect. I’ve introduced it to all her cousins and some of my friends children’s , it goes down so well with the kids (and adults too!). Children are a lot more resilient than we think!
Thank you ladies, you're all very kind! I appreciate the advice and reassurance. Just helps to put our worries at ease a bit.
Ohh I'll look out for that book 😁
Hopefully the friends she makes in life will help her through. She’s lovely - Her learning and understanding emotions will be key when she’s younger. https://www.tinylove.com/uk_en/sevenelements/element/218/age/333
It may be worth looking into emotional intelligence and seeing how you can help her as she develops.
When she’s older consider martial arts classes she knows she has the skills and strength to put others in their place when she needs to? This will give her confidence not to put up with other kids nonsense :).
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