Am I being unreasonable/unfair?
To preface, I have always liked and had a good relationship with my MIL. A couple months ago, when I was 3 months PP, I reached out to her as my ‘final’, desperate resort. The first thing I said was I’m terribly sorry for involving her. During the conversation she said she was flattered that I’d go to her. It was my last resort, as EVERY WEEK, since my baby was born I was telling my husband that I was drowning. I felt incredibly unsupported. I felt like I was losing myself. I just wanted more of his help. To which he’d say, I work 50 hour weeks, I’m exhausted, I can’t give you anymore than I already am. Mind you, he would come home from work, say hi to baby and eat, shower and go to bed. No help with baby. No bottles given, no baths, no night time wakes. In his defense, we agreed that I would do night time wakes. However, that fact does add to my level of exhaustion. I had explained in so many different ways, how exhausted I was and that I was growing resentful, that I needed more from him. After a bad fight, I reached out to his mother, nearly hysterical, in tears, because I was so distraught about his poor attitude and tone. It was not just ‘i’m tired honey I can’t give you more of me right now’.. it was entitlement, attitude, pure disdain. Arguing with me that he asked for grace because he was having a hard time adjusting to this new job and he was maxxed out. I heard him out. While also advocating for myself, fresh out of an emergency c section. Barely getting through the day in one piece.
ANYWAYS. I reached out to his mother after a BAD fight. She was flattered I came to her. 1-2 days go by and she checks up on me. Calls me. Makes excuses for his behavior. Saying he’s going through a lot. (HELLO?? ME TOO?? THE GIRL THAT HAD A C SECTION 3 MONTHS AGO AND SLEPT IN A RECLINER FOR 2 MONTHS BECAUSE LAYING FLAT IN BED WAS PAINFUL??). She told me, that my husband said Ive been having a bad temper. To which I said , your right I have. And i hope y’all can see why. She said you should get a hobby! She said you should make new friends, you should lean on your family more. When I reminded her that HER SON blew up during an argument and was EXPLOSIVE, she said ‘well if you were my daughter I wouldn’t want you with him’ .. ‘why are you with him then???’ to which I replied “because he’s the father of my son?!?!?! and I want to make it work????”
She had all type of excuses from North South East and West. Ultimately saying, this is what you signed up for. No ma’m, I did not sign up to be the sole caretaker while the perfectly able father plays video games on his days off and wakes up at noon!
4-5 months have passed. I’m still resentful in my relationship. I just feel utter disgust and anger when I think about her. I want to cut off communication with her unless totally necessary. For reference, I am completely civil with her and have always been respectful and will continue to be. She has no idea how much HATE i have grown for her.
Last thing, I know she is the MOTHER of my HUSBAND. therefore her loyalty will always reside with her son. I understand I should not have brought her into this. I was desperate. After weekly conversations with him FOR MONTHS, I had hoped that at the very least, his mother could get through to him. since i could not.
We’re working on the relationship still. This post is about my MIL. Can I stop feeling guilty for not updating her about my baby? Especially when she never reaches out to me? She only reaches out to him. Again, I know she’s not MY mother!
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