Fresh perspective (in-laws)
I’d love to get a perspective outside of my own for this. I’m currently 6 months pregnant and planning my baby shower for January.
We had been trying for a baby for 3 months but my partner and I have been in a really bad place since I became pregnant. He wanted me to get an abortion, and has since told me how unhappy he is with me and in this relationship for years (7+ years). He’s been very withdrawn not only from me but his family. He tells me he’s miserable, that he feels trapped and I that I made the decision to continue the pregnancy selfishly. We had a lot of honest conversations and I even had the consultation for a medical abortion, I just couldn’t do it…
Anyway now, I’ve still not heard a word from his Mum or x2 sisters although they have known about the pregnancy for a while. One sister has been great and checks in often (and also doesn’t agree that her family haven’t reached out) but she has told me that my partner has told his family how unhappy he is and I guess their lack of reaching out is a show of “solidarity” and support to him. I’ve always had a great relationship with his family so I guess I just never thought it could get like this. It’s made me feel really bitter towards them. I’d never keep them from seeing the baby but I’m not sure how I can ever forgive them for the lack of acknowledgement they have shown towards me being pregnant. I hate confrontation and want to create as much “peace” around this as I can, I just wondered what other women would do in this situation. Should I invite them to my baby shower? How would you go about maintaining a relationship with them when the baby is here?
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
Behave with grace and invite them - they may not come but that's ok.
That's a really short time between you both trying for a baby and then falling pregnant - what happened between then to change his mind so drastically about having a child? Are you going to stay together? Sorry to ask, but these seem like very important questions about the longevity of your relationship if that's how negatively he feels about it. By no means am I suggesting you should've had an abortion, far from it, but will it be a healthy environment for a baby to grow up in if you stay together and he's so full of resentment?
nothing specifically, he’d had a really honest conversation with me to say he’d “changed his mind” about what he wanted his future to look like and playing house wasn’t it anymore. These are conversations that are having separately as you’re right, there’s definitely a lot of resentment there that doesn’t make for a healthy environment. I guess I just wanted to get some perspective in silo about how to manage this relationship with his family moving forward x
Similar to me. We broke up and I had a newborn baby and not once did his mum reach out to me, or his sister. The only one that did was his brother to say he’s here if I need a babysitter! I’ve just had to be the bigger person and move on and get on with it as they are my baby’s family too, but I’ll never forget how I was treated (or not treated) by them in the beginning!
If you’re not together then it’s not your job to make sure they have a relationship with your baby, it’s your ex’s and their job! If they want to see your baby, they can text you. But I don’t go out of my way to make sure they have a relationship with my daughter
Download the Peanut App
