Ex wants to take children on holiday with his dad

Is there a reason why you’re not ok with it? Unless it’s term time.
This also means he can have an issue with you taking them as well.

I think if he's a decent father and reliable that he should he able to take them. And as long as he's not a flight risk, I'd let them. Although the thought of being in a different country as my kid would absolutely stress me out, it doesn't mean they shouldn't get that experience

If i was in your shoes with my current partner, i would I trust him 100% to watch, take care of, keep the kids alive. But being that we don’t know why you aren’t okay with it, it’s hard to say.

Can you explain a little why you aren’t okay with it?

I think if a mum was posting on here saying her ex won’t let her take the kids on holiday everyone would say that’s unreasonable of him. Unless you have valid concerns I don’t think it’s fair to not let them go. It’s for the kids too, not just him

You are not sick and they can holiday in their own country if you feel comfortable with that.

I think my youngest is too young 😭 we’re still in the middle of separation I don’t feel like it’s the right time

If he's a good dad, then he's right in what he's saying, I know it must be difficult, but it's not really fair to him or the kids. I know you're not doing it to be selfish, but because you love your kids and it's probably hard for you but you do have to come to terms with the fact that as you're now separated these things will happen

i just think my youngest is too young to be away from me for so long and we’re currently moving to a new house etc and we’ve only just split up so seems too soon 😭

I trust him to watch them but the thought of being in a different country to my 3 year old just shatters me 😭 I was a stay at home mum and never went a couple of days away from my kids and that just seems too much 😞

I wouldn’t expect him to be ok with it the other way round either. I think our youngest is too young to be away from this for that length of time

yeah I’d be more comfortable in this country definitely

Your feelings are totally valid, I'd feel the same way, too. I'd hate being in a different country as my 3 year old. If he's decent enough surely he can understand that if you explain to him how you feel. She won't remember going on holiday at age 3, so could you just tell him how you feel and maybe suggest taking the 12 year old? How long did he want to go for?

I personally wouldn’t be bothered by it. If you trust him to coparent, to have joint custody and keep them safe it shouldn’t really matter.

My husband and I travel separately sometimes for work, to see family and for pleasure. She’s 2.5 and I can’t wait for them to go to Australia together for a week or two so I can have a break tbh.

I’m from divorced parents and I would go away with my dad, just the same as with my mum. It’s the closest you get to family time and quality uninterrupted time with dad (like no school or just a weekend) xx

2 things would give me a pause and probably be a NO for me. First, 3 year old is probably too young. Second, international travel is a bit much. I’d probably be ok with international travel if youngest was older OR if they traveled somewhere more local.

thank you 😭 yeah the thing is you can’t speak to him or reason with him. Now I’ve shown I’m not keen, he’s storming around creating an atmosphere and being awful 😞 we’re still living together until I get my house

we still live in same house but are separated and kids have always been with me. He’s not usually bothered about having them unless he goes to his dads

thank you this is exactly how I feel. He asked me in front of the kids too which is a big no no 😞 3 year old is too young and I just wouldn’t be able to rest. I was a stay at home mum and had my kids every single day and night I’m not used to being away from them 😭 plus we’re separated but I haven’t even moved into my own house yet so I feel like it’s too soon

Everything is still so new! I hate to say it but it's too fresh 3 years old abroad he might get separation anxiety over it as well. Your feeling are valid I stand behind the no maybe next year when everything is more settled even being on your own or going somewhere without your babies might trigger you worse. I say No ❤️

I would be ok with this, but also think your feelings are totally valid. I think the fact that it’s all still new, and they still see him daily could be a plus in terms of the kids comfort. And also feel like it could give you some time to focus on sorting all you need to.

thank you that’s how I feel too.. obviously in future then yes but he’s still so young and is only used to me 😞

I get that, I just think it’s too soon and my 3 year old is too young. I wouldn’t settle for worrying

I would be ok with it because I think 3 is old enough to go away with a parent without the other parent present. I agree with Brittany, maybe look into ways to work on your separation anxiety. I know it’s new, hopefully time will help with your comfort level.

Everyone has different levels of comfort, only you know your children and how is the situation with your former partner.

Is this holiday soon? Like me personally I would not be okay with this but I have high anxiety & my children are with me 24/7 other then a few days at pre school. This is my worst fear me and my oh splitting up and not having my children with me all the time. I couldn't cope with this personally but I know it's something you will have adjust to, unfortunately 😪

maybe suggest a holiday in your country first to see how your youngest copes without you and how he copes having the children for a length of time without you being there then if that goes well you can talk about abroad holidays at a later date! i wouldn’t like my children to be in a foreign country without me either xx

That’s the problem with this app, can’t have a difference of opinion without being called crazy or something else smh anyway.

I think this would depend on the type of parent he is like does he have them often, is he an attentive parent etc 🙂

I’m of the opinion that dad is just as much of a parent as I am. As much as it would suck to be away from my children for an extended period that young (the 3 year old) I feel like it’d be wrong of me to stand in the way of him trying to be an active parent. So many women claim about their exes basically be completely uninvolved with the children after divorce that I couldn’t see myself withholding because of my feelings and not because he is untrustworthy. But again what I would do in this situation. Everyone is going to feel a little different because of their life experiences and upbringing. F

thanks so much 😭😭😭 that’s exactly how I feel

it will be sometime next year 😞 yeah I’m the same I’ve always had my children with me and I was always scared of it too 😢 gutted it’s happening 😭

thanks I will do that when he speaks to me again as he’s currently in a huff and being awful because I didn’t say eyes straight away 😞 xx

he’s not very involved he’s only wanting to go and take them because his dad is paying and he will basically watch the kids 🙄 all he ever does here is sit on his phone and blank our youngest

that’s the same as me 😞

he probably wouldn’t stick to his side of the deal as he’s being really awkward at the moment 😞 and being honest, I don’t know if FaceTimes would be enough for me 😭💔

he would say he will so I’ll let them go then he will come up with lame excuses why he didn’t. He’s been taking them in days out and hasn’t communicated when he’s coming back or how long he’s gunna be etc so I don’t trust him 😞

If there's any safeguarding concerns then absolutely no, but if there isn't then there's no harm letting them go

yeah they do but they’re very laid back and often don’t even have it on them

Dad should get a chance to take the kids on holiday

Imagine if it was the other way around and the dad was denying you taking your kids on holiday ?

We all have different exes and FILs to you. What are your reservations?

I don’t see anything wrong with this. 3 isn’t too young to leave the country with a parent, as long as that parent is responsible and safe. Do you have a reason to not trust your child’s father in this situation? If not, I don’t think it’s fair to deprive your kids and their father of cool experiences together. If it were the other way around and their father wouldn’t allow you to take them out of the country, would you think that’s fair?

Your feelings are valid
BUT you’d be wrong to allow your feelings to stop this tbh
You’re allowed to not like the idea and feel hurt and unsure about it
But it sounds like he’s a good dad, it doesn’t sound like you have any concerns about his parenting and actually when you split up unfortunately that means you do have to go days/week without seeing your children because they’re not just yours and dad deserves just as much time with them and actually the children deserve that time with their dad

By the time the holiday comes round you’ll hopefully have been used to some times apart from your children if you’re moving etc and be feeling much more at ease
Maybe ask when he’s planning the holiday and discuss your concerns/how to get to that point

Give your 12 year old a phone and contact him! Or use the grandfather as your point of contact. Take the break, your kids will have a fantastic time and experience.