My situation is weird but it's breaking my heart everyday. I truly hate my BD

When will this inner pain and sorrow subside? i’m gonna make a very long story short: I was a digital nomad for the better part of the last two years. While I was living in the Caribbean, I started dating a man from Eastern Europe. in June, we went to his home country and this is when I got pregnant. Within less than 30 days, the relationship completely changed and he turned into someone very very hard to live with. So in August, I decided to finally leave after basically six weeks of arguing. I returned to New England, where I am from, knowing very well that he can’t enter the US because he doesn’t have a visa and cannot easily get one. It has been almost 3 months since we have exchanged any words. He doesn’t know the results of the genetic test or anything about my current status regarding the pregnancy (everything‘s fine by the way). As I enter the third trimester, I am becoming a bit more emotional, and definitely a bit more angry at the fact that he hasn’t reached out to me to check on the status of his growing son. I also have reason to believe that he didn’t accurately inform his family about the status of our relationship and that’s why nobody has reached out to me. They think we are in communication when we are not, this is my assumption. That being said, everything is so damn lonely. Every class I take, it’s alone. Yesterday I took a breast-feeding preparation class at the hospital, alone. I went to take a tour of a hospital, alone. I am just so filled with rage every time I think about the fact that I’m doing this on my own. Literally every day I have to fight the urge to email him to tell him that I hope he dies a slow and painful death because I’m so angry at him. I can’t do all of this crying after my son gets here. I need to be strong. I have just never ever hated someone this much. I still can’t comprehend the fact that this man got me pregnant and we were in love for a year yet he is living his life without even having the balls to check on his child. If anybody has personal experience with this, please guide me on how you find strength. I am the breadwinner, the decision-maker, the baby maker, the boss. I’m so overwhelmed with the responsibilities I will have on my plate next year and there’s no one here to rub my belly and make me feel comforted & assured that my son will be loved.