Past cheating

No it can not be fixed and I know that’s the last thing you want to hear because it hurts. I can tell how much you love him and want to make things work but he doesn’t love you and you need someone that loves you. You want your kids to see what true love is because I promise you eventually they will realise and find out. You’re holding onto someone you have already lost. Even tho it won’t feel like it at first after some time you’ll realise leaving was the best thing you could have ever done because there are men out there that won’t cheat and will truly love and care for you and your kids. Sounds like he isn’t much help with the kids either. You already know the answer. He didn’t just cheat once and there is a reason he won’t give you his passwords and what you would find would break your heart because it’s either him talking to her again or other things. He didn’t need to go back to the same chick but he did on top of that not only is he a cheater but he is a liar lying to her and -

Lying to you. You have given him too many chances and I understand why you gave them but you need to start loving yourself and moving forward. The kids can’t be the excuse because staying together most likely wont be a happy home because of all the holes l. You and your kids are better off moving out and if he wants to see them to visit. Reading all that broke my heart for you and I really hope you can decide to get out and start focusing on you and your happiness. Don’t let the sweet talk from a liar confuse you to stay. You feel it and know! I’m sure your heart and head etc are fighting with each other but you’ll be happier starting new elsewhere

You need to leave him hun. He doesn’t respect you or your family home. Hold your head high and walk away from this POS. Start reading/watching and going to things that will boost your confidence. Love yourself. Wishing you every happiness after you leave that fool.

Some people have repaired, but usually with professional help like a marriage councillor. If you want to fix it, that is. You have to ask yourself, too, if you could ever trust him again or would you live your life second guessing him. Because, you'd probably need to leave. If he can't reassure you by letting you freely go through his phone or even leave him alone to not cheat, then maybe he is hiding things. it's totally his fault for leading on this girl, but also knowing you are there, and he wants you, I don't know why she stays anyway... He needs to completely cut her out of his life, delete any temptations, and work hard on reassuring you and making you feel safe. I read it takes two years to rebuild trust, and he needs to repair that himself. And like Kandy said, you need to put yourself first, now. No more forgiving and letting go, tell him to take action to deserve forgiveness. He's not just cheating on you, he is cheating on his kids, too.

I guess different people have different levels of disrespect they can tolerate in a relationship, but girl you must not have any boundaries letting him cheat this many times? You might think you’re doing right by your kids to have him around but it’s the opposite. They’ll grow up to see through your issues and how daddy treats mom, I suggest you do yourself a favor and start a life beautiful life with your kids and without this horrible man.

@Annalise he hasn't spoken to her since March of this year when she messaged to see how he was doing. After several fights, he finally blocked her on everything. He then proceed to tell me some girl at work had asked for his number and he gave it to her. He says he told her he wanted to be friends and that he was married. Again after several fights he stopped talking to her and told her he couldn't be friends with her. It has always been like this. I say something and he proceed to fight me on it and it gets close to us breaking up until finally he says ok ill do whatever u want even if it's not what I want

Thank you everyone for the advice. I know in my heart I have to leave..for me. I've been put through so much in this relationship and the cheating was just the thing to finally push me away. It really makes me sad because I wanted a family together. But I just can't do this anymore and I've been very emotionally tired. But I always feel like the bad guy when I say I'm leaving. recently we fought about the phone password. Which he said he would do anything else but that. That I just had to trust he wasn't doing anything. And I told him I just wanted it to feel safe but he didn't care. He was willing to lose me he said it was fine if I left. And I told him ur kids don't mean that much to u then? U care more about ur phone and then he decided to flip it on me and say that knowing his password was more important than my kids being with their dad. So it just makes me feel guilty for wanting to leave.

My husband did something that broke trust but wasn't cheating. He basically talked to someone from his past in a way that crossed boundaries. He immediately blocked and removed and gave me his phone password. In the beginning I still kept checking but after I while I trusted again. We went to individual and couples counseling and worked through everything bit by bit. It was hard. But we're in a better place now. Your situation is different. He not only cheated once it was an affair and it was repeated and he lied. He'd have to put in a LOT more effort than my husband. Going to therapy at the least and being completely honest. Giving you his passwords (yes that's a controversial one but I firmly believe control is better than trust after something so traumatic). Ask him if he's willing to do every single one of those things. My husband did it without complaining once and did everything to save us. And that separates someone remorseful from someone who just got caught.

@Susie i have repeatedly asked him to give me his phone password and he says no. He says he doesn't want me to go thru while he's sleeping and delete people off Facebook or Instagram. When he broke this off. I had to ask several times for him to block her and remove her from everything. It went on several weeks of us just fighting over that

Recently he said some girl where he worked at asked for his number and he said he want to just be friends with her. And I told him no it had only been 6 months since he had broke things off with the other girl. And he refused we fought and in the end he said find but that it was something I wanted not him and that he'll just be unhappy so I can be happy

Yeah it shouldn't be like that, he should do it voluntarily...