Baby play worries
I haven't been to many baby classes during my maternity leave but started going to one a couple of months ago. My baby seems like she's quite shy when she's there...the other babies crawl into the middle of the circle and play with the toys, she will sit in my lap or just in front of me. She also doesn't babble at all while we're there but almost as soon as we leave is chatting away.
I'm worried that I haven't created a secure attachment with her that makes her feel safe to go and explore. I'm also a very shy and anxious person myself so have been so worried about whether that will transfer to her (or maybe it's genetic and it's inevitable). It's really affected me my whole life, in so many ways, and I wouldn't want that for her. I really want her to be the confident, outgoing child that I never was. It's made me sad to watch her not get involved.
I'm also now really dreading and worrying about nursery and how she will find it there and whether she will settle. I'm lying awake at night worrying if she'll just cry all day for me.
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Baby sounds cautious and observant which are positive personality traits.
I wouldn’t try to make her someone she isn’t or see her personality as negative. I would help her feel secure in who she is. If she feels secure in who she is, she wont be anxious.
Trying to force her to be someone she isn’t or seeing her traits as negative will create an insecure and anxious person.
Being shy and more guarded doesn’t mean you are anxious, you can be confident within yourself enough to sit back and observe!
Becky said it perfectly. Must be hard not drawing on your own experiences, but as parents we have to be careful not reflect our own anxieties onto our children. An observant child will flourish just the same as a child that dives straight in. They will just be different personalities and that's great as we don't all want to be the same humans! :)
Even if she just goes to those classes to watch, observe and soak it all in - it will help her learn about the world around her.
Encourage and praise her regularly for being so observant and thoughtful on her approach.
She will thank you one day for accepting her for exactly the way she is. ❤️
You're both absolutely right and I don't want to force her to be someone she isn't. And you're right about not seeing her traits as negative - my mum made it clear my whole life that being shy and "a worrier" were not desirable personality traits. I don't ever want to make her feel like there's something wrong with her. I guess it's just more fear that she will find fitting in at school and at work as difficult as I have found it all my life.
But you're absolutely right, I know I need to not reflect my insecurities and anxieties onto her - as I lay awake in the wee hours of the morning I can't help but worry but know I just need to let her be who she is.
Bless you, it's totally natural for our childhood to shape our experience as mothers. Can I suggest a book that has sort of changed my life a little?! It is so easy to read when you're juggling between naps and in bed, and it makes you reflect hard on your childhood experiences and what that means for you as parents and things you can do to ensure you don't pass on anything to your child. It was almost therapeutic to me, positively so:
Here's an Amazon link, but you can get it anywhere. The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did): https://amzn.eu/d/4yuAFMd
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