Please don’t judge me

Girl if he’s got another woman why are you even thinking for one second that he’s gonna love you and be loyal to you?. You deserve better

In the nicest way possible… if he leaves his current girlfriend to be with you he will cheat on you… move on focus on you and your baby

@Lauren sorry I should’ve mentioned I don’t want to be with him, I just want him to be a dad to our daughter. I know the way you get them is how you lose them and I don’t want that for myself I take full accountability for my actions too

You cannot force someone to be a parent unfortunately if he’s not interested he won’t be a present father figure sometimes I think it’s better not to have him in your child’s life then your child constantly being disappointed and let down by their father x

The advice is to seek therapy because you’re making very bad decisions that’s not only going to affect you but also your child.

@Chí little insensitive there. No need to make her feel bad about this. She's going through enough already! I do agree with the other ladies though, unfortunately you can't force someone to be a parent and if he can't be consistent then it'll be worse for you and your little one! I know its hard...I wasn't with my boys dad when I got pregnant and he promised me everything to give me nothing...its hard but honestly we're better without him!

@Lauren thank you, even though I’ve been begging he doesn’t actually respond to me at all, last spoke 2 months ago but you’re right it’s definitely hard but I’m going to do my best and take your advice 🖤

@Lauren It’s not insensitive. You read it that way. There are a million things someone who’s trying to be insensitive could’ve said about this situation… but I didn’t. I told her genuine advice that will make genuine & positive change. When there’s a child involved you have to say things straight and be serious. Thanks.

@Chí I didn’t take any offence, thanks

If he can't even give you and your little one the time of day to respond then I think as horrible as it is you have your answer. It is hard but once your little one is here you'll be so occupied at giving her the best life that you won't need or want someone around who won't play their part 🩷

Why would you expect a man like that to be a good father if he’s still with the other woman he clearly don’t like you or that baby enough to be in y’all’s life I would just take the L and be the best single mom you can be and be prepared for it also I really hope you told the other women of y’all’s affair if you don’t you’re just as bad as him

tell his girlfriend she deserves to know what he is. the truth is going to come out anyways that he has a child he can’t hide that forever but better she finds out sooner than later, as for him hes trash. he doesn’t sound like a good man at all that’s going to take care of his kid or take responsibility so prepare yourself to do it alone. sorry you been lied to by this awful person, he clearly has no morals

No judgement, and I know someone will get upset with this but being that woman, whose partner cheated on her while pregnant - you should have ended it after the first time and until he made changes e.g. ended with her, to continue.. however with that being said I agree absolutely with what everyone is saying, if his strung you along the whole time, the chances are he won’t magically change over night - be prepared to be alone to have the baby and if he decides one day to be a dad then great xx

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. Please feel free to message me as I'm also going through a pregnancy with the father denying me and the baby x

Girl he’s not going to father that child. You could take him to court for child support but they won’t force him to spend time with her. This man is garbage, why would you ever believe that he would be a good father? You should get some therapy for yourself to figure out why you did this, heal your heart, and then maybe find a real relationship.

@Chí this is the only reply I completely agree with. I’m not gonna write my own reply because it’s probably not gonna be nice. 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Chí yeah I agree too 100%

First of tell his girlfriend you’re pregnant with his baby she deserves to know what sort of man she’s with. Second chin up because your baby is going to need you whether he decides to be involved or not.

Tell his girlfriend. She’s going to find out one way or another yous can’t have a “secret baby/relationship” forever

Tbh kind of want to bitch you out because you got pregnant twice knowing what you know and that is a terrible thing to do to another woman. Having said that, you’re human and what’s done is done. If I were you as hard as it is I would go no contact with him, he should already know the decent thing to do without you begging him. Tell his girlfriend, she will be crushed but she deserves to know. File for child support. You need to get therapy and support from others in your life that actually give a damn about you. Be prepared to not have him around unless you want to constantly hurt yourself and be disappointed. It seems like your pattern is leaning into what hurts you and is bad for you because it makes you feel better or it’s easier, don’t let that get to you accept that it will be hard to change and separate from this loser but the outcome will be great in the long run. You can do so much better for yourself and your baby, don’t let this dumb asshole drag you down.

@Heidi I didn’t know he had a partner the first time i got pregnant, it was a couple months after the abortion that i found out. Not making excuses but just needed to clear that up. Thank you for your advice

@Aniya I didn’t want the baby either tbh, again not making excuses but I’m gonna put my baby first. I didn’t take any offence, I posted this with an open mind. I know my situation is dumb already

Honestly you want advice? Cut him off. I wouldn’t want someone around my child who didn’t want anything to do with it at first. Tell the girlfriend because she doesn’t deserve to be hurt like this. Yeah you’re in the wrong because you knew and if it was the other way around and it was you getting cheated on it’ll be a whole different story. I get mistakes happen but to go back and back is another thing and to get pregnant is even worse. I don’t really know what you wanted from this post. Put your baby first stop dwelling on someone who probably doesn’t even think about you more than once a day. Your mental health is more important for your child and it’s no good to just be down in the dumps over a man who’s cheating on his long term gf with u

@Lauren I agree, all the comments have been a wake up call, I really have taken in what everyone has said and I will hold on to the advice to keep pushing forward and be the best mum I can for my daughter

That must be so difficult for you. You say you’re suffering with your mental health I honestly think that trying to reach out to him and him ignoring you will be making it worse. Leave him be, focus on yourself. Make your life peaceful. Soon you will have a little baby in your arms and I won’t lie, it’s so hard but you will soon see that there is not one person in the world who will love you, need you and want you as much as your child will. You’ve got this x

I have mixed feelings about this….on one hand, I feel for you because by the time you found out that he had a girlfriend, you were already hooked on him. He evidently didn’t want you that much because otherwise he would have left his girlfriend in a heartbeat, you say you’ve been trying to get in contact with him and he’s not responded for 2 months. The fact you say you have abandonment issues, mean’s you are co-dependent and you anxiously hold onto things and people that perpetuate your abandonment wound. It’s vicious a cycle - trying to heal your wound by abandoners equals = abandonment. From time this man has told you he has a girlfriend and he’s still choosing to cheat on his girlfriend and lied about being in a relationship for several months before hand, are major red flags - he’s also abandoned his girlfriend by being disloyal, unfaithful - he’s totally betrayed her, he’s broken her trust - and now he’s done the same thing to you, why? Because he’s an abandoner.

(Continued)….on the other hand, I also feel sorry for his girlfriend because she probably has no idea that the same penis that enters inside of her crouch, enters the body of another woman’s crouch (yours). That disgusting! That’s how STI’s/STD’s get passed on (not saying you have these things but this is how they’re passed on - sleeping around with people who don’t mean anything to them!) He’s flocking from one wet p***y to the other, all this back and forth really is nasty! If I discovered that my man was having sex with another woman, I would be mortified, I would feel so ashamed, I would feel so nasty from the inside out. She has a right to know. She’s in a relationship with someone who already left her a long time ago! Cheating is not just a physical act, it’s the union between two souls - when your having sex, you go into your own world with that person, nothing and no one else matters, everything is a blur, it’s a meditative state of being with another soul through sex.

(Continued)….which is why I say he left his girlfriend the moment he decided to get with you - he broke that sacred soul contract that he made with his girlfriend. I know I may be very specific in my wording, but when you break it down, it’s really is that deep, which is why people become incredibly hurt when they’ve been cheated. So yea, that’s how I feel. I understand that your in a difficult situation right now because you have your daughter on the way and he isn’t as responsive to you as he used to be which isn’t nice. You need support, bringing a child into the world isn’t easy and it’s even harder when you’re doing it on your own. However, you did sleep with another woman’s man, even when you found out he had a girlfriend, you still choose to carry on because you say you fell in love with him. You also have abandonment and attachment issues which is why you find it hard to let go of things that don’t serve you - you haven’t healed your abandonment/attachment wounds🦋

@Monique it couldn’t have been put better!

I think you need to be strong now and be prepared to be a single mum. Lots of advantages to be a single mum when the dad is not good enough is best not to have him around! Your family and you can raise the baby and believe me, once the baby is here your heart will be full and you won't even miss/ need that man for anything! You will be amazing you will see. But, I am sure once the baby is here and he is able to hold her in his arms, his heart will also melt and will try to be with you. Don't let him!! He is just not good enough

I’m so sorry for all of this! Make sure you know his real name for the child Support and learn the right way to do the birth certificate so you’re covered.

@Cal 100% agree however just to make aware you don’t actually need the father on the birth certificate to claim child maintenance (if in the uk)

It happens but honestly I'd just cut your losses and leave them to it! Disclosing to the girlfriend will only bring you stress from her, him or both and you sound like you're in a fragile state already. Reality is you're the sidechick and his not leaving his main chick, you're probably one of many. Would you want your son/ daughter to have a role model like this. Work on you you, grow your baby and build a life for your new family.

I don't have any advice per say because it's complicated but if he wants to be in this child's life and you want him to id let him. I wouldn't be in a relationship with him but you can still coparent. But also at the end if the day you have to do what is best for the baby. I hope you are able to figure out what works best for you. Things will get better it might take time and there will be hard times but it'll be worth it. Keep your head up. You are human. People make mistakes and sometimes our feelings take control, that just means your human. Keep your head up and just focus on getting ready for your baby. Also if you want someone to talk to you can msg me. I can give you some reassurance when you need it. Last thing I can say thought is don't push down your feelings happy or sad. Feel how you feel, let it out and than learn how to make it better. you got this