Annoying Mother-in-Law

Yes. 100% yes. My mil and I had a great relationship before and it’s definitely less great now… probably because we had to start introducing boundaries. When we first told her I was pregnant, her first sentence after congratulations was that she’d plan to move in with us two weeks before I deliver and then stay 4 weeks after he’s born.. not happening. Then that same night she was talking about how he, an unborn fetus, needed to go to private school because public school wouldn’t be good enough for him… and so on.

I feel like comments like that have just given me the ick and I’ve had a hard time acting the same way around her as I used to before I was pregnant.

I have had these types of feelings with 2 or 3 people this pregnancy that seem to just randomly be the victims of my irrational anger hahah so I do feel bad, but I’m hoping it’s going to go away at least a bit when my hormones go down..

This made me laugh!!! 😆 🤭 is it her first grand child? its so hard because whilst your pregnant.. everything just irritates you more. I have two sons and all I ever think is “oh no I’ll be the grand parent on the dad side” and I fear I won’t be close to my grand children as they’re normally closer to the mums side but.. I get why you’re annoyed and think “go away “ almost 🤣 but I also get why she’s like that. Wish I had some advice for you. Maybe get your partner to say something? X x

The touching thing is something you can still address - it's ok for boundaries to change. You could frame it as being extra uncomfortable in the third trimester and just mention how you don't like anyone touching you right now. Assure her that it isn't personal, you just feel super touchy.

The other stuff is weird, but yeah idk how to make that not awkward other than just avoid if you can. Sounds like she really wants to bond with the baby, and I know advice used to be to talk to them in the womb, so maybe it's some ingrained old-school idea she has? Personally, I don't get like a really strong bond like that before they're born, it's much more surreal and existential for me, but then as soon as they're here I'm smitten.

She does seem like the type to start calling it "my baby" as soon as they're born and that would bug the hell out of me.

awww I’m sorry you’re dealing with something similar too! Yes boundaries are so important and some people struggle with them. I know they’re going to be needed as we get closer to welcoming our baby to the world and I just know my in-laws are going to have a hard time with them. Ugh I can’t imagine having my MIL trying to stay for 4 weeks after she’s born! That’s such a lack of disregard for your privacy and bonding time with your little one..

I’ve also definitely noticed I’ve been more irritable with certain people since being pregnant. I’ve experienced it with a coworker too haha. I hope it does get better for you once the hormones die down!

yes it’s her first grand child! And the first girl on their side of the family, so it’s even more over the top! If it makes you feel any better, I had the best relationship and was closest to my grandma on my dad’s side! And I so badly want our daughter to have that kind of relationship with all her grandparents, but right now I just feel so irritated her that I can’t seem to even think about that right now 🤣 my husband actually thinks she’s kind of over the top too with her story time and one-sided phone calls with baby haha, but he’s afraid to confront her about it because she definitely is so excited and he doesn’t went to ruin that for her. So I see his side too. I’m definitely empathetic towards her and I try to remind myself that this is an exciting time for her too, but dang the irritation just won’t go away 🤣😅

yeah I’m definitely going to have to lay down a boundary about the touching soon. That’s a good way to put it kindly!

I do know they say babies can hear you in the womb and she did find that so fascinating when she learned it so I’m assuming that’s where it’s all coming from. I understand wanting to have a relationship with her, but I’m like you where I don’t feel a super strong bond with her just yet. I thought something was wrong with me and actually brought it up to my doctor and she’s like “what kind of bond are you looking for? What does that look like to you?” And after she asked me that I’m just like uhhhh idk I just hear all these things mom’s talk about their super strong bond with their little one in the womb 🤷🏻‍♀️ so I’m glad I’m not the only one! And also, because of that, I don’t read to my belly or talk to her or anything so it’s even more weird for me when others do it 😅

She would most definitely be the “my baby” type and I’m so afraid of that 🙃

You're definitely not alone, I think it's just not talked about as much because it's not the cutesy, socially popular version of motherhood. Don't worry, it has no impact on how you feel once they're born. ❤️

As for grandmas saying "my baby", my favorite sort of passive aggressive way to deal with it I've seen is to make them feel silly and say something like "oh *your* baby, who's the daddy?" and hope it makes them uncomfortable enough to stop.

This is kind of funny for me because I felt the same way with my first - my mom came to the hospital and stayed in a hotel for a few days when baby was born then went home and came back a few weeks later for a longer visit because we really wanted time alone together to bond.

Now I have a 4 & 6 yo and we asked my MIL to come a week before the due date and stay as long as she wants 😅 My husband travels for work now so I'm a little more nervous about someone being here for the other kiddos if baby comes while he's gone and I'll take all the help with them after. Of course, we've had time now to set boundaries we'll and for me to gauge my comfort level, and we're in a bigger house for everyone to have their space. It's just interesting how things can change over time!

My MIL annoyed before pregnancy and even more now. The rage I feel when she starts to make my pregnancy about her and her pregnancies makes me bonkers.

I can’t imagine how you feel with what your MIL is doing. That would definitely push me over the edge for sure

I totally understand how these things would irritate you & seem pretty odd! Personally, I would give anything to have my MIL do any of these things as she passed away right before my husband and I got married. I didn’t know her very well since she had dementia, but I often wonder how she would be with her only son having a child. Good luck!!!