Becoming a single parent

As long as you aren’t concerned for their wellbeing I would allow him to continue having a relationship with his children if he’s a good dad don’t make him loose that. As far as the birth goes it’s completely up to you if you feel safe with him it can be extremely beneficial to have him there but it’s up to you and your comfort

Idk about safety that's my problem and one of the reasons the relationship ended. We had a baby and he wasn't willing to grow up, still going out with his mates, still smoking weed etc, i've not been able to leave our son with him for longer than 10 mins since he was born, the one time i did leave him i had to ring my neighbour to go round and help because he was incapeable of doing it on his own!! He's said he wants to have him a few nights a week at his mums i've said absolutely not would i even want him away from me for a few nights a week at 8 months old but especially not at his mums, she smokes inside and allows him to smoke weed inside without ventilation and she is also an addict, she has an addiction to crack cocaine and heroin! I've asked him how he expects to have him over night when he can't cope here with him and even when it's his night feeds he has to get me up to settle him and change him etc and he said his mum would help but i don't trust that one bit.

baby also co sleeps atm, he for poorly so was brought into bed with me form his next to me so he could sleep and i could sleep and he's been in my bed since, he co sleeps safely i follow all the precautions but we've tried hundreds of times to get him into his cot and he doesn't settle which means he'd have to cosleep at dads house but that would be unsafe to do due to the drug misuse in the house!! I also know that if he had him he'd just fob our son off on his mum so he could do what he wants! When he's older it'd be different as it'd be safer for him to maybe stop once or twice but i still wouldn't feel comfortable due to the drugs but he's saying if i don't let him stop he won't give any child support, not that it would be much anyway as another problem is he earns £950 a week and was transferring me £20 a week for our sons stuff and that was it, he's said he'll give me £40 a week now he's moved out and refusing anymore and said if i go to CSA he will lie about his wage🙄

i want them to have a relationship but idk how it would work due to the life style him and his mum lead! He's been living with me since before i was pregnant with our first and i've tried my hardest to help him grow up and change and stop smoking weed he wouldn't which effected his parenting because he couldn't come near his son for some time after he'd smoke etc and was always 'chill' but that just meant bed sit staring into space not helping with anything! My mums suggesting we get a court order to state he cannot sleep at that house until all parties are drugs free but ik that would be hard and i don't wanna put a wedge between me and the family as im very close to a few of them but my son comes first. In regards to the birth, he was okay in the birth of our first so. but we did all have covid from the induction ward so he slept alot but i the end was quite comforting but since we've split up he's gone quite cold and weird, it feels awkward too even speaking to him so idk

That's a lot. I'm sorry you are going through this especially while pregnant.

I think you have a real concern for safety in this situation and you really should get legal advice. I would ask all these questions there. I'm sure there might be a way for you to preserve your relationships while making the safety of your children the first priority especially since you are willing to keep the doors open for your ex to have a relationship. However, it's important to consider any legal complications.