I’m a bitter BM but don’t call me that.

You are not bitter at all you are just fed up with the bs...it's frustrating and annoying...you have every right to be upset ....I hope you get the answers you are looking for from these mothers and great advice in how to handle this situation....I just wanted to let you know that your not bitter

Listen I know that’s shitty. Trust me I get it. But maybe this isn’t to “get back at you.” This is a whole ass life he created and maybe he’s realizing that. Maybe he wants to step up. As much of an idiot as he was maybe he woke up and realized oh shit I made a child and I would like to be part of raising that child to become a happy, successful, well rounded adult. I can’t change what I did, but I can be better now.

You have to ask urself one question. Taking the anger away (breathe and think for a moment).. do you want your child to have their father in their life? If so, demand a slow start to visitation for the reasons listed and work up to more over time. If not then fight it all together but you definitely need a lawyer. There’s no reason why they wouldn’t give him 50/50. He can just say he was waiting for the DNA. Or he tried to reach out and you didn’t respond. He can pull anything out of his ass.

Try to breathe, I know this sucks. 🩷

If you are a bitter baby momma why don't you wanna be called that?

If being that is an issue than maybe shouldn't you work on not being that?

Also I would recommend not stressing or worrying about it that much and putting all the energy that you are using on him abuse it for yourself and child.

I guess I’m bitter because I would prefer him to not be a part of our child’s life. I want him to keep the same energy. Be gone and stay gone.

Protect your peace love....a non- active father is way worse than an absentee father.....at this point he's a donor and he can stay as that ....you and your baby don't need nothing or nobody that's toxic

I’m not sure why any mom wouldn’t want the extra help I get not wanting to be away from your baby but as someone who has a bd that’s a POS to me he isn’t a POS to our child he is a great parent to him so why would you deny him that?

if I was to be honest I’d say because I don’t feel that he deserves it. He knew from the beginning the child was his but he was upset about me keeping the baby that he broke up with me, never called to check on or come visit me while pregnant.

I’ve gone through a similar situation where my bd wasn’t around during my pregnancy or our daughter’s birth. After our daughter had surgery at 8 weeks old he disappeared for 6 months and now he is starting to come around. I filed for CS while he was ghost and things are starting to process now. One thing i can recommend is to establish boundaries and let him visit on certain days in the week during a certain time. If you don’t feel comfortable i recommend having a neutral party there just in case if you do go to court you can show that you’re not keeping the baby from him so things don’t look bad on your end.

I totally understand that you don’t want him around and at all. Literally when my bd text me my stomach turns and it sucks that we are labeled “bitter” when we are the ones caring for our babies 24/7 and just want to hold them accountable. Especially when we got use to them not being around.

I seems like he is trying to be spiteful because I put him on child support. I feel if he really wanted joint custody, after the DNA proved the child was his he should’ve started reaching out to start some sort of support or relationship with the child. Instead with in 2 weeks of getting the results he runs to ask for joint custody?? From the day the pregnancy was confirmed this man disappeared, now our child is 7 months old he wants to be a father after he was placed on child support? He’s been gone for a year and a half with no communication and still not communicating. Keep it that way and let’s move on with our lives. Separately. Respectfully.

My daughter’s father doesn’t want to be father to her. We have a 23 year on and off history. He’s the only guy I’ve ever loved. He betrayed me and discarded me when I was 4 months pregnant with our daughter and moved another woman into his place. I will never take him for child support, it’s not worth it. I will do it all on my own because my pride won’t allow him to help. He threatened me to stay away from him on the day I gave birth to our daughter. I won’t beg a man to stay around and help. He can watch from a distance and see me and my daughter thrive

You’ll get joint custody. He’s showing he wants to be involved. You shouldn’t interfere just because you’re resenting him for not being involved during your pregnancy. The resentment is something you’ll need to heal through. She’ll want to know him. There’s nothing wrong with establishing a legal custody agreement

I feel he is only doing it to be spiteful because I placed him on child support. He has never sent any money to support the child. He has not communicated since I said I wanted to keep the baby. If he wanted to be in the child’s life he could’ve reached out before filing for joint custody to see if he can visit the child or send money for the child. Still after requesting joint custody his actions do not show he wants joint custody. It saying SPITEFUL

I’ve never denied him from seeing his child. He has made no effort to. If I was denying him I’d understand where yall are coming from. Even with his request for joint custody I’m not denying him but he not about to get it the way he wants it. I honestly don’t know this man we weren’t in a relationship so I don’t know what he is capable of. With the behavior he has been showing I want to ease him into our child’s life since his track record shows he likes to disappear and not communicate.

You said you don’t know him. You weren’t in a relationship. And within 2 weeks of dna results he went for joint custody. I’m just being honest here I don’t see anything wrong with what he’s doing based off what you said. He doesn’t know you if you don’t know him. He waited for the dna results, and then went the correct and legal way to have access to his child and to avoid conflict with you.

You have got to work through this anger. I know it’s hard but it’s not good for anyone in this situation including the child.

this!!!!

A lot of men do this because they think having some type of custody will either lessen or stop child support. They never have actual good intentions

I get what you’re saying, I totally do but keep in mind you are only getting “a gist of the story” with a side of “bits and pieces”. We dated for a few short months, not long enough to know each other well at all. Once I told him about the baby, he disappeared. He knew the baby was his the DNA wasn’t necessary. He has made a piss poor effort to be a part of our child’s life. I would let him come visit when our child was 2 months. After the 2nd or 3rd time he want to keep him alone and I said no because the baby is too young so because I declined he disappeared. I filed for child support. When he doesn’t get his way he disappears for months and I don’t think that kind of behavior or inconsistency is in our child’s best interest. The DNA was done because I filed for the support so technically I asked for it. Also I wanted clarification, were you suggesting I should be comfortable leaving my newborn baby alone with said stranger just because he is the child’s father?

The tough part of Coparenting. There’s two parents in two separate households that can ultimately make decisions the other parent may not like. He’s not abusive or an addict. There’s no reason why they wouldn’t give him visitation without you there.

Maybe he wanted to see his child, but not you. I can tell by your post you’re very hurt, angry, and you want to desperately hold on to this control with ur child. And that’s ok!By no means am I saying this guy is an angel, he for sure could have handled it better. But you can’t continue to hold on to the past because it only hurts the child. No matter the reason for him trying now, the child having the father in its life is in the better interest. Unless of course he’s abusive etc.

And to answer your question. If I went through with a pregnancy with a father I barely knew, I would have already gone through every scenario in my head. One of them being.. if we don’t last.. he can get custody. Another being If I don’t want him involved in raising this child he wouldn’t be on the birth certificate and I would not make him pay child support.

If my ex husband and I split after my first was born, yes I would allow him to have his infant alone. It’s his child as well. Generally speaking- At some point you have to trust the man you layed down with and created a life. If you can’t do that, then why are we allowing ourselves to procreate and keep babies with men we don’t even trust them with. If I was breastfeeding? Well? We gotta figure it out and keep it moving.