Husband doing play dates with another mom.

It wouldn't bother me. However, I can understand why it doesn't feel good. Maybe you could talk about it with him.

Wouldn’t care but your feelings are valid.

I think when your body changes after giving birth and you don’t feel as beautiful or sexy it slowly eats at you. Weight gain and feeling sad about it.

I will talk to my therapist about it tomorrow. Thank you both for responding.

Feelings are valid. I probably wouldn't care, but I'd probably have some of those insecurities you're feeling especially since he's not the one to plan anything

Hiya, Sorry just wanted to jump on and ask whether your husband would be ok with it if the roles were reversed? i.e you doing play dates with another dad? I personally would feel the same as you and not feel comfortable with it.

How did he end up invited to this/invite the woman to this out of curiosity?

It didn't bother me. It turned out my husband was literally old enough to be her dad! He was mortified but the children liked playing together and they used to chat. There was nothing more to it.

...okay odd one out. I find it inappropriate. It's not about being insecure as much as it is crossing boundaries that in my marriage would not be okay. To each their own I suppose but it's not something I would welcome with open arms.

I have not brought up if the roles were reversed. Honestly, I would think most men would not be comfortable with that. I have not talked with him about how I feel about it. I honestly didn’t start to really feel upset until I found out they went to a park together.

He met this mom at the kids gym that we take our son to. I have met the other Mom once and then we went to a party at their house for their son.

I honestly think her son doesn’t have any other friends, his age and that’s why she wants to do play dates with my husband. She seems super nice and sweet.

I’m just feeling insecure about how I look after having my son. Having a much younger pretty woman spend time with my husband, even though it’s a play date, doesn’t feel good for my ego.

I wouldn’t tell him he couldn’t go on them as the boys have fun. I think being honest about how I feel is the next step.

Definitely not the odd one out! I wrote a whole thing about being in a happy marriage and we trust each other but we both wouldn’t accept that as you’re putting yourself in a situation where lines can become blurred and that’s why we have boundaries for that sort of thing. But I thought maybe I should just say less as there’s always someone that wants to say “you don’t trust each other then” 🙈

I just wanted other mom’s thoughts so I don’t feel so crazy or silly. It helps to put things in perspective to get other mom’s opinions.

With Aleea on this but only because there’s no way my fiancé would like me hanging out with another guy even if it was just for children play dates. Totally wouldn’t mind if it was like my sister or family member though but not just some person or a friend.

I wouldnt be super excited about. My husband and I don’t really text people of the opposite sex out of respect for each other so there wouldn’t really be a way for either of us to set up a play date with someone like that.

yes! It's a hard no for me.

Also, is she married/single? I’m guessing single because I don’t see many husbands being okay with their wife going on play dates with another man. I trust my partner but not others much unfortunately.

100% definitely have the conversation with him. Every relationship is different and what works for you guys is what’s best!

She is married. I don’t know for sure as I haven’t seen their messages, but I believe she is starting the conversations not my husband. She invited us all to their son’s birthday party a week ago.

Like I said, I feel like her son doesn’t have a lot of friends his age so she wants to get him socialized.

I don't think you are crazy or silly. Talk to your husband and your therapist. Just because it doesn't bother me, doesn't mean it shouldn't bother you.

right! You can trust your partner all day long but this other person? Nah. And it sounds like it was semi sneakily done. I don't like it.

It’s not okay if it’s one on one. Avoid the appearance of evil, ya know? Avoid any temptation. Why are you not at these playdates though? Where are they playdating at? How old are the kids?

Why not try to branch out and be a friend to her then? :) Head it off before it becomes a thing.

Why is it with your husband?
I never message a husband. Always straight to mom.

It may sound mean, but I don’t have any intention of being friends with her. I have limited time with work and being a mom that the two mom friends that I currently have take up all my time. Also, the 10 year age gap I just want to have people who have experienced the same things as me.

I would not want to do a play date with a married dad but like I said, I don’t think my husband sees it the same way as I do.

The fact that they were at a park together for almost 3 hours was what upset me. He said the boys played separately for about half an hour and then the rest of the time they were all together. My husband brought food that they all had and shared together. Seems pretty innocent, but it still upsets me.

I have two mom friends that I do play dates with. When my husband is with this other mom and her son it is while I’m at work.

Wouldn’t allow it

With Sara…and more now because she reaches out to your husband primarily when it should just be you and she probably knows/senses you don’t want more of a friendship with her as well. Just doesn’t feel right, she can find someone else’s husband to socialize sons with unfortunately. It’s not a you problem or just your insecurities, sounds more like a gut feeling/instinct you are getting about this whole situation. Do what’s best for you and your marriage/relationship. Hope hubby is understanding as he should be about it 🩷

I wouldn’t be okay with it but it’s cuz that would feel very out of the ordinary for our fam.. my husband doesn’t organize play dates and really sticks to his routine and few friends so I’d be hella suspicious

We talked on the phone as we didn’t want to talk around our son in case I cried 😮‍💨. He says he understands why I would be uncomfortable. He then said that he didn’t know if he would feel the same way if I went on a play date with a dad and I straight up told him I would not do that because I would view it as a boundary issues/inappropriate.

I told him I just wanted to be honest about how I felt because I didn’t want to be passive aggressive with him.

I will admit, I got angry and basically asked if he was sexually attracted to her and why he didn’t contradict me when I stated that I felt she was prettier than me. Not proud of that. He basically said that because she was 10 years younger than us. It felt gross to view her that way.

He said that he in the beginning, he didn’t want to get close to her at the kids gym because he was worried about this exact situation happening where I would get upset.

I will be speaking to my therapist tomorrow and let her help me through all of the emotions and insecurities.

I do feel bad asking him to ghost her as the two boys do get along very well. He asked me if I wanted him to ghost her and I feel conflicted.

Thank you all for the replies ❤️

I wouldn’t be okay with this either. Play dates can be had with both of you there or not at all. Your feelings are for sure valid! On the flip side though it’s hard for dads who stay home with baby because there are not many other dads who do the same to bond with.. so I do see this side of it being a bit unfair.

I think it’s probably a no as well but it depends, there are some circumstances with certain people I haven’t minded . If it’s with a specific woman who really makes you uncomfortable then of course it’s a no and he needs to respect that.

Nope would not be happening for us!
If the boys want to get together either I can take our son when I’m free or we would both go. She also would not ever be texting my husband, those texts would all be to my phone or at very least a group chat with all parents. I definitely don’t think you are crazy feeling the way you to!
It’s not about trust to me, it’s about respect.

It's playing with fire but doesn't mean there are ill intentions initially

right I feel thr OP should tag along.

Just go one day with them and check out the vibes all u have to do is trust ur gut feeling u will see for yourself

I don’t agree about it being inappropriate if it’s truly for the kids and he loves and respects you that’s all that matters jealousy and being insecure is something you would have to deal with if he doesn’t make u feel loved respected and secure that’s something you need to talk to him about. My husband is an adult he is able to make his own decisions and we trust each other 100% if he makes me feel otherwise then that’s a different story

We would never do something like that in our relationship. Your feelings are valid. I would never have to say something to my husband. He just wouldn’t. Don’t feel bad.

maybe talk to the other mom too. let her know you don't have time for another friend but let her know that you have these worries and it might make you feel better getting it off your chest. Or set boundaries, like where they meet at and how long etc. Maybe you can go with sometimes and that help reassure you.

Re read what you you’ve written,

Oh hell nah 😂 maybe I’m toxic, but hell to the no.

Let’s call wrong what it is; this is not about insecurity. It is completely reasonable to expect healthy boundaries in a marriage. A husband going on play dates alone with another mum crosses a clear line. Boundaries exist to protect the trust and respect that a marriage is built on. Regardless of intentions, this kind of situation is inappropriate. You are right to feel uncomfortable, and your feelings are completely valid.

From what you wrote and from how I know I would feel, I would tell him I’m not comfortable with it and ask him not to do it personally. The only thing I’d do differently if I was you, is not explain to him how much prettier you think she is than you etc because I think that creates competition and could plant seeds in his head/you don’t know what he could end up telling her (innocently) and I don’t think either of them should know you think that. Fake the confidence till you make it! At the end of the day, he chose you! But I would just keep it brief and express you’re uncomfortable and request he stopped as I said. Also, I think him saying he’s not sure if he’d have a problem with you play dating with a dad, I reckon it’s highly likely he would have a problem because men are typically worse than women when it comes to this type of situation!

I’m very sorry that happened to you. I hope you and your children find happiness without him.

I talked with my therapist and she gave me great advice. She also mentioned the difference between personal boundaries and couple boundaries. She suggested that all in any communication would be with all four spouses together so that there was full transparency.

She made me feel seen made me feel like I was not crazy and that everything that I was feeling was valid.

Thanks again for all the advice and replies.

Fine with it

Did your therapist think it was okay for him to go on the play date?

No she didn’t. She said in her own relationship any communication between dads/coaches/parents would always have the said partners in a group chat so everyone was involved and there was 100% transparency.

My theorist also said I wasn’t reasonable for the other child getting socialized. It’s on his own parents. No need to feel guilty or silence myself because of said guilt.

I also asked that he remove her on any social media as they weren’t friends. I’ve made my stance very clear and said I would not tolerate outside friendships or emotional sounding boards outside of our marriage.

I 100% agree with that. A boundary was crossed and it seemed like someone knew that you wouldn't be comfortable and that's why they were not up front with it. I'm sorry that happened! Good for you holding your boundaries that wasn't easy and you did it!

It is okay and healthy to have the couple boundary set of where you both need to be present when the playdate involves and opposite gendered parent. That is fully reasonable and responsible. And it teaches your kids how to respect their spouse one day as well. :)