Just venting. (I know sorry it’s a long post to whoever wants to read this vent)

My boyfriend is very emotionally abusive and verbally abusive to me I can’t have friends especially not guys I can hardly see my family I can’t go out with my family I can’t help my parents at work I can’t see my only friend that’s a girl and I can’t go out with her Because he always threatens that if I leave he’s going to take the kids away from me since there’s no court order and if I ever left with the kids, him and his family always threatening that they have family lawyers that will help him get full custody of the kids and they know what bad things to say about me in court and would use my diagnosis of ADHD against me in court and that he would get custody of the kids easily because he has a place a car and a job and I have nothing and the apartment we live in he’s head of the household and threatens to throw me out if I leave or go out by myself or with the kids. I have been putting up with this for years and I just feel trapped and stuck and hopeless and powerless here he doesn’t even appreciate that I’ve never done anything behind his back when he has cheated on me more than once in the past even while I was pregnant and I even had to stop talking and block all my friends I used to have in the beginning when we first met he’s always constantly checking my phone he’s always constantly checking what I’m doing on the Internet the times when I do see my family he’s constantly just calling me and asking me what am I doing am I really at my family‘s house and stuff like that and when I come home on the days I do see my family he starts questioning me and getting mad at me. all he does is talk bad about me to his family and neighbors his family talks bad about me too and to the neighbors. I don’t know what to do anymore I want to run away with my kids but I don’t want to feel like this is all my fault. And if anyone is wondering what the bad things he saying about me to his family and neighbors these are the things he’s saying to everyone #1 I don’t cook (But yet I have several pictures of the different meals I make for my kids)#2 I don’t clean. (I clean when I can because kids are always gonna make messes I have three kids a seven-year-old a six-year-old and a three-year-old two are special needs and of course when it’s spills or certain messes I clean it up right away but usually when it’s bedtime is the best time to clean because they are in bed but he thinks just because I’m not constantly cleaning and he wants things to be spic and span squeaky clean he’s telling everyone that I’m lazy and I don’t clean) #3 the kids aren’t getting a proper education because of my decision.(they are doing an online school called K 12 and I am the kids learning coach I made the decision for my kids to enroll in an online school because of all the school shootings that have been happening but him and his family don’t believe it’s a proper education) #4 I don’t do anything all day and that he’s having to be the mother and father in this relationship and household (Im a stay at home mom there’s no such thing as I’m not doing anything all day) #5 I over exaggerate when he disciplines spanks the kids. (yes I know everyone has their own disciplining ways but I don’t hit or spank my kids I have other ways to show them right from wrong without yelling and hitting like the way he does) well those are the things he says about me to his family and now his family is all telling each other these things and now even the neighbors around here are hearing these bad things about me without them even really knowing me

in our community

Advice 🥹

So me and my partner (11yrs) had an argument last night to the point he sat down on his phone and done nothing for our kids all night. This morning he then stayed in bed while I sorted the kids out for school and took them to school. I didn’t bother going back home because I’m fed up that he doesn’t pull his weight. Anyway, I went to a family members house this morning and haven’t engaged in conversation and then I get these messages from him.

How much would be considered too much?

We’ve been screen free till my son turned 3 - and we watched the odd few low stimulating episodes, guess how much I love you, Kipper, little bear and so forth … but now he is getting interested in movies also, I’m struggling with the house now that he’s becoming more older he wants me to play with him a lot more then he did before 3 and he is active, to add I have a health condition with causes me to feel fatigue and dizziness a lot 😭

How much tv is considered too much? Im feeling a lot of mum guilt !! Even though he’s only having 40 minutes a day (not every day at times) …

SCREEN TIME; Would you describe your parenting…

I do believe screen time can be both beneficial and harmful. We love family movie days/nights, we love Pixar films and wanted to share that with our little ones but we don’t do games on devices/youtube/short reel like videos and some kids series I can clearly see overstimulate them so we don’t watch.

I would describe us as aware of the danger of screens but I wouldn’t say we are strict with ZERO screen time, at all, we have the TV on in the background for a lot of the day, not kids tv all day and sometimes just music channels. Screens are going to be here forever and I do believe in teaching the balance. We are a camping loving family so when my kids have been outdoors playing, discovering and learning about the world all day I really don’t see how a bit of Toy Story in the tent is going to erase all that for a young one.

I do think smartphones and iPads see unnecessary for childhood, but I’m also not opposed to a movie on one during one of our many 5/6 hour drives. Like anything in life, is it not about balance? As parents we should research and learn of course, which is why there are things we have decided our children aren’t allowed but I do personally think completely screen free parenting takes it a step too far.

I see parents not allow their children to look at a screen say in FaceTime to a family member, I regularly show my children photos of my phone and we look at them together, we also look through physical photo albums🤷‍♀️ The world has both now.

So heartbroken I found out my partner is cheating

She posted a bunch of pictures of them together, him in bed kissing her, matching outfits, them at Christmas events etc, hell she has more picture with him than I have of him with the kids in the last year.

I can’t even make sense of it all. We were together 14 years and have kids under 5 including a baby.

I feel like the worst part is the silence. I messaged him a bunch of the photos like wtf how could you do this? How could you be with someone else over a year? He responded with a typo saying “it hasn’t been a year it’s actually been a for a few months”. I don’t know if he meant over a few months or only a few months and it’s driving me insane not to know. He hasn’t opened my messages since Sunday morning. Like umm I’m home alone with babies and my whole world is crashing and you can’t even check your phone? What if there was an emergency? No apology no nothing

It’s a woman I know but hadn’t seen in a few years but our last convo she knew I was pregnant. I messaged her asking how long they been together and how could she date him and flaunt it knowing we had a family and sent pics of our family but she blocked me and changed her page to private. They still follow each other so I don’t think they are broken up but the last post of them was December.

I just can’t believe this. We actually have been doing great in our relationship in the last 3 months things were better than ever. I had zero idea any of this was going on

I hate not knowing if/when he’s coming home? Is he at least coming up with a fake apology or something or will he just be angry and act like he’s done nothing wrong. I can’t believe that was his only response and the typo is driving me mad lol

I haven’t slept or even ate since I found out. I’m so heartbroken we just had celebrated his birthday Saturday with the kids and had such an amazing day out, it was so beautiful our toddler was running around saying daddy daddy daddy which she just learned to say and now I’m just like wtfffffff

Hosting Family

Okay I have an observation regarding bff my boomer parents and In-laws. My mother and my MIL always host family gatherings at their houses. Every occasion my MIL will often complain about all the work going into hosting. My husband and I have volunteered to have family come to our home (Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mother’s Day Father’s Day etc) but whenever we do we get no thank you but you can host here? This makes no damn sense lol. I get we live far away but we do everything there. Every occasion including birthdays. How can I prepare to host at your house. This is silly. 🤪

I love my in-laws and my parents but please boomers let us be grownups?

Nursery food

Hello, I've suspected for a while that my sons nursery doesnt follow the government guidelines. They have biscuits, cakes etc. I did email them snd they said they do so i left it at that.
Last week they did a mothers afternoon tea and provided cakes, sandwiches for the kids and mothers. They also had haribo marshmallows on offer! I was suprised to see this as they are full or sugar and also a choking hazard! Would you say anything? Ive emailed a few times and I'm worried they are going to hate me but I just found it odd. Yes they could have been for the mums but why would you have marshmallows there. What would you do? X