Do I take him back?
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Thankyou so much, it’s just really hard to get my head around how someone can be caring one minute and looking after me (because i got really ill with a kidney problem when I was pregnant) and then completely change. He always told me he wanted all of this but since the babies have got here he just goes on about how he didn’t realise he wouldn’t have time for his stuff like his game ect. How he’s really unhappy. I explained that we’re just trying to get into a routine and he will have time for that sort of stuff. But doesn’t seem to grasp the fact that I don’t have time to do anything because I’m cleaning and cooking and looking after the babies and doing the school drop. I love him and it’s really hard to just accept the fact that he just left on a random day and didn’t come back for me and the kids, hasn’t even taken half of his stuff but gave the key back xxx
@Meg I know it can be hard for some dads to adjust but taking it out & blaming you isn’t the way to go about it. The fact that he just left shows his true colours xx
Has he actually changed since kids or has his behaviour just got worse? And has it only been since the twins or since your first child? If just since the twins then to give him the benefit of the doubt it could be he needs professional help (dads can get ppd too!) - but apart from that he just sounds like a walking red flag and not to be too blunt but this is exactly how domestic abuse relationships can start. Write an email (so no paper trail) of everything you can think of that he's ever done to upset you - don't send it but keep it in your drafts and read it a week later when you're having a good day. What would you say to your best friend if she gave you that letter? Would you tell her it sounds fine and she should stay? I promise you the kids will ultimately/eventually be happier not growing up watching a tumultuous relationship and hopefully having two parents who can love and care for them separately
I’m in a similar situation with my twins father (FTM) so I can’t really advise on anything, I’m just here in solidarity. I’m hoping something will change for us, but it’s also such a horrible feeling being told it’s all on you when they need to accept fault and responsibility. Honestly, I wish you all the best and hope that you and your kids find the best route for you all. Xxx
He sounds awful, you and your babies deserve better
Some people say to work on it as relationships take work but this seems different. But he hasn’t asked about his kids or seen them and I just thought even though it’s been 5/6 days I thought he’d want to know
Just my opinion but if he really wanted to change you’d see him trying, at least asking about the kids, he just seems really childish because life does change when you have kids, you can’t expect to have time to play games and stuff. 🤷🏻♀️
He sounds like a very childish victim playing man who needs to grow up. From reading this it just seems like the only reason you are considering g taking him back is because being a single mom is super hard. Whilst it 100% is without a doubt, you’re already doing it & smashing it no doubt. To take somebody back with ‘anger issues’ puts not only you but also your babies at risk.. who knows where his anger could take him. In my opinion him leaving is the best thing he’s done for you & I don’t think he will change if you take him back… You deserve happiness & security not pain & living on egg shells, as do your babies. Sending love, you’ll be okay mama xxx