Help me draft a response pls!

I wish my husband would go out with his friends instead of drinking at home. But I don’t think you can expect somebody to spend all their time with you. If it’s only on occasion that he wants to go out, I think he should be able to. If it’s every single day, I think he’s out of line.

This is a tough one. You need you time and that absolutely does not involve going to the grocery store. I understand that you just want to be with your family etc but that doesn't mean that he is the same way necessarily. He needs to go out he needs to be social and that's okay and you have to let him. I'm not saying you should be okay with him never being home or anything excessive like that. For 15 to 20 minutes for a beer with work buddies or whatever that shouldn't be a big deal. I just mean if you you know choose your battles or whatever 15 to 20 minutes probably wouldn't be one that I would choose to be upset about but that's just me. Now you need to decide what your time looks like to you and what you expect. Like if you want it everyday and for how long etc and you need to make sure that he knows that because if you don't then you can't really complain that you don't have any you time if you don't prefer to spend it out and about like he does.

If he wanted to, he would Wouldn't you feel terrible if he stayed in just to make you feel happy?

You cant expect him to be like you when he’s not . Your okay with staying home all the time, its okay to let him have a life and some fun outside of the house 💯. I think how hard you are trying to force him yo change and be like you is what prompted him saying the whole divorce stuff . But I mean this in the nicest way possible you are being selfish. You are purposely choosing to not have any “me” time as you’ve said because you are an introvert. Let him have fun with his friend girl

I know things will change when a baby comes, but it’s important that both partners still have time for themselves. He deserves time to unwind with his friends, and you deserves that too, whether through friends or a hobby. It’s not about going out all the time — it’s about maintaining balance, trust, and communication between you guys. You are partners, and taking care of yourself individually will help you take care of your family together. It’s important that both feel supported, not trapped or resentful.

The fact he brought up divorce is real shitty, and as for co-parenting he will then absolutely not have a life more so depending on what days he gets to take care of his child and he’ll have to figure out how to do everything on his own which is what many don’t think about when they just throw it out there as an “easy” option. You both made this baby, life is going to change and if he’s trying to go out every single week or multiple times a week then he needs to grow up and take some responsibility. But as for what others said, you can’t control what he does but it would be nice if he goes out then you plan something for yourself as well the next day or something that’s not inside the home. Go to your parents and take a nap baby free or to a store and walk around or just something for yourself. Grocery shopping does not count at all, if anything he can start taking turns and doing that as well. But him saying this isn’t what he signed up for then maybe you are better off separating…

Instead of dealing with someone who sounds immature and doesn’t want to take responsibility as a father and husband. I was in a relationship with someone like this and it never changed, I left and in time I found someone who was more like me and don’t have many differences thankfully and are on the same page about everything. Communication is the biggest thing for sure. Good luck 🩷

He should be able to go out and enjoy hanging with friends time to time but as a sahm u should be able to get me time as well and as for him saying grocery shopping is a part of that is wrong that not having me time that making sure the family has what they need it's good u wanna spend time with them and all that but he needs to be a man an sometimes pamper you as well let u have some kind of break and it's hard when u have a baby to go do things but sometimes u have to do that so u don't feel like ur goin crazy but all in all I agree with Jennifer let him have his time and don't let it bother u and u find what u like to do and he could watch after the baby or find a babysitter and have a night out occasionally

Thing is, he wants to go out. You don’t. You are comparing your free time to his free time, but you’d rather spend that at home. It’s not his fault he’s an extrovert and has friends and you are a homebody. If he wants to go bowling or go out w his friends, let him. And then this week you pass the babies onto him and you have a couple hrs to yourself doing whatever you want, make it FAIR, instead of disrupting his social life. I think it’s healthy for both Mum and Dad to have outlets outside the relationship I don’t rely on him and my kids for 100% of my happiness and I told him not to rely on me either. If he told me I can’t go out and can’t see my friends and can’t go dancing I’d tell him to F off. We both have one hobby day and a friend catch-up per week. Let him see his friends, but then if shopping is your thing then leave babies home w him and you go shopping alone. Or whatever you wanna do. But make it fair. You go? Okay tmr I go. Etc. instead of saying no you can’t.

I think he should still be entitled to go out and do things but so should you ...15/20 minutes to have a beer is a ridiculous thing to get annoyed about - it's not like he was out for hours and came home drunk. I agree you need me time too - we all do. I'm a single mum and I get literally NONE so I get it's frustrating but if he wants to go bowling for a few hours or have a beer after work I really don't see the big deal - why would you want me to make him stay in - you'll both end up being miserable as hell want to be out and probably end up being grumpy. Bringing up divorce is very extreme though

I hear you all. I REALLY do but I'm just not agreeing with separate social outings

I think I'll say this to him So I thought long about what I wnt to say and this is it. It doesn't sit right with me for you to get nights off and be going out with friends regardless of who they are.

And yes I do feel like this is out the blue because I remember when a social outing meant WE went out together with either my side of friends or your side of friends.

Not separately. Especially now that we have an entire newborn together.  Yes, sometimess, your nights will look like coming home and just sitting on the couch to be here with me.  I just don't understand why that's nnot enough for you anymore.  Is it because we have a kid now? Why are we not enough that you now need time to go out with friends? You're a dad you're a husband and you should be estatic to pour your time and energy into us and not need to be fueled by time out with people Since I don't want this to be a part of my marriage because separate social outings is not what marriage looks like to me, I'll compromise with you that after work you can have your beer with your friends in the parking lot before coming home, not at a bar not at a bowling alley, in the lot and then come home. Social outings to me should be how they always were while we were dating and engaged-done together. It's not a reflection of the man you are , how you conduct yourself or some sort of punishment.  That's just my view.

And if that's not enough for you I need you to explain to  why all of a sudden it's not and you need time alone to do social outings?

Update also. Last night he got off work and didn't even call or text just went straight our with his friends when he always calls/texts after work. Should I say what's on my mind or let it go even tho I'm not comfortable at all with it

You are still forcing him to be like YOU and thats not right at all . Not in the slightest sense. I hope everything works out for yall cause WHEWWWW 🫠

I could see it if he were going out all the time, but if he feels he needs some time with just his friends I think you need to respect this. Now if it becomes an all day everyday sort of thing then I can see your point, but it sounds like you’re really trying to control him and that’s going to push him away.

See this is what you're supposed to realize when you're a kid with your first love. You spend all you're time together because you're so smitten that after a while when one of you needs some perfectly reasonable space the other one has not had the opportunity to trust you, because you're literally never apart and never with other people, so they take it personally or think you're they're up to no good. Space is good. Especially during the dating and engagement phase. It is expected and time for you to spend it without your partner is critical or this happens. ...

Look you posted on here asking for advice but you're not willing to accept it. You say he didn't call before he went out this time and he's never done that before but I guarantee it won't end there if you keep this up. You will drive yourself crazy and you will for sure lose him in the process. Pick your battles. Fight for YOUR "me time" NOT his.

Just because you have a baby together doesn't mean you can't do things separately ... This is ridiculous He's probably not told you because he knows how nuts you'll go that he wants to pop out with his mates. Hell keep it up if you carry on the way that things are. I know you need a break too so I do get the frustration but you don't have to spend every waking minute together he's entitled to do his own thing as are you

Give him his freedom, better than him being miserable stuck at home all the time. He’s an extrovert, that means he needs social interaction.

It sounds like you’re not really looking for advice — you’re looking for validation. And I’m saying this with love: if you keep going down the path you’re on, you’re going to lose both this battle and your marriage. It’s selfish to expect everything to revolve around you. At the end of the day, if you’re a stay-at-home mom and he’s providing for you, your child, and the home, you need to recognize and respect that. Being a single mom is not easy — and if you don’t appreciate what you have, you might find yourself learning that the hard way.

I honestly agreed with the initial post until I read your response to the advice. I have the same issue at times with my children’s father since he abuses his freedoms because he knows that I can handle things at home and for so long it was a fight with us. I do not go out because I just had my second baby and I don’t feel ready to do so yet. But I will once I feel comfortable letting my kids be taken care of by family when they are a bit older. Their father now still goes out, some weeks more than others but mostly at night when we’re all ready to wind down in bed since I’m the night parent (and morning, afternoon, all the time 24/7) and so it doesn’t bother me as much. We all have views or expectations of how we think things should be but if we keep nagging and trying to change a person they will definitely change, but not the way we want them to. As many others have said, find what you like. And unfortunately that may not be involving your partner. Find what you like and embrace it.