I am envious of my SD relationship with my baby

Can I just start off with saying I’m aware this is a me problem and I have to work within myself to erase this I’m just looking for some understanding and if anyone may have felt the same in order for me to further understand this complex feeling going on within me and to mend it. So I have a baby girl who is now 7 months, she’s now very aware and is forming bonds with people. I absolutely dread the days we have our SD as I feel she totally takes her away from me and even if I’m playing with her she will be like can I do it or if she laughs she will do it too and my baby prefers ‘new’ faces so whenever someone else is there I’m old news. I hate that she’s referred to as her ‘sister’ because I’m not even related to this child? I didn’t feel like this before and I had a great relationship with my SD. Now I I find it hard to even look her in the eye. I am also so sad that we never get any time just me my partner and our own baby. If he’s off work then his other daughter is there. I just hate this dynamic and right now it’s making me want to run away with just me and my baby to keep her to myself. Am I going crazy

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Totally understandable! My 11 month old always laughs and SD (7) and it's much harder for me to make.him laugh. I even get annoyed when partner tries to get him to learn her name instead of teaching him mummy which I know is very petty of me 😅

I’m hoping this doesn’t across as shitty, as that’s not the aim….. Tbh it sounds like you need therapy to get over your issues. It’s perfectly natural for SD want to spend time bonding with her sister, and I get you hate SD being called her sister, but that’s exactly what she is, your daughter’s sister! The sibling relationship is the most important relationship in a child’s life, even more important than the parent/child relationship and you need to be nurturing their relationship instead of getting jealous over your child’s sibling. When you and OH are gone they’re going to only have each other. So now onto the bit I can kind of relate with…. It’s perfectly normal for you to be sad that you don’t get quality time just you, OH and baby, but again you’ve come into this dynamic and chose to bring a baby into this and tbh your partner probably loves spending time with both of his children together, so you really want to deny him that because you’re hormonal and in your feels?

. I’m guessing SD is only young, but this won’t be the dynamic forever. Eventually SD will be a teenager and want to be out with her friends all the time doing sleepovers and she won’t be around as much. I genuinely used to feel how you did when we first had SD move in with us, now she’s 18 and we hardly ever see her because she’s always with her boyfriend. The main point is dynamics change and unless you’re going to completely end your relationship or make your partner pick between you and his eldest then I genuinely suggest you seek therapy to talk out your issues with a professional

I don’t really have much experience with the first part. But for the bottom I would say to your husband that you would like to go out and do something just you, him and baby, maybe something you already do with SD so it’s not like she is missing out. Sometimes dads just want to do things with all of their kids together which is great and lovely but as your baby grows they will start to realise this. I make sure to book loads of things for just my son but also make sure I book some where SS is involved

Totally understand this, feel free to message if you’d like a chat!x

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