SD mobile conversations with her mum
I have a SD who is 9. She has a mobile phone her mum gave her. When she is at ours, she spends time on her phone (we have time limits and she's not allowed to keep phone in bedroom though the night etc). She has lied many times, so there's not a lot of trust, which means that Dad and myself will just jave a check on her phone at night, to make sure all is safe. The issue I'm finding is that SD messages and calls mum constantly whilst she with us over the weekend, which isn't a problem, but the responses the mum gives her, I feel is. SD will say things like I miss you (very normal) but mums responses are things like 'I hate it when you're not here. I miss you so much and I'm sad when you're not home. I wish you were home with me. Only 1 more day and then you're back home with me. Wish it was tomorrow already.' It seems quite manipulative and toxic? She doesn't fill her daughter with confidence and SD always responds with 'i miss you too. I wish i was home'. Mum always initiates these conversations. We do lots of things together and SD always seems happy to be here. My partner is gutted when he reads this stuff and is heart broken. Should he talk to mum about it? I feel like I can't get involved and can only just continue to make SD feel happy and comfortable here.
This is exactly what has happened with my SD. She was on the phone constantly to her mum, morning and night. Texting during the day. Taking pictures of the house and sending it which made me feel uncomfortable. We tried to set boundaries. Told her she couldn't go on her phone and she snuck upstairs ringing her mum telling her she wants to go home. From personal experience us trying to set boundaries with her phone has gone the other way and now she doesn't want to come to see us or even talk to us. She didn't respect our rules and boundaries and done whatever she wanted to do. That is very manipulative the way her mum is speaking to her and guilt trips her so she feels bad for being apart from her. Not a healthy relationship at all. You can try speaking to her but again from personal experience it probably isn't worth it as she will be on her side and say they should be able to talk as much as they want and you shouldn't be checking her phone. We weren't allowed access to her phone so we couldn't check