Struggling 2 weeks PP
This is our 2nd and my partner missed out on this stage with our first as went to work after 7 days for 4 weeks. My PPD and PPA hit just after he left and he knew what I was going through but obviously couldn’t support me great from being away. Now we’ve got our second I wasn’t expecting the lack of support.
I had a c section and for 4 days he was amazing he really looked after me along with the newborn and our 2 year old he was amazing and I let him know so many times a day how grateful I was but something changed day 5, he didn’t ask if I wanted breakfast, he started letting me do more around the house and for my self and stopped asking. For about 10 days now I’ve been so low and suffered really bad from PPD my last and know it’s back and I’ve been so open to him about this and I don’t feel like I’m being supported emotionally. He threw it back in my face how much he does around the house, financially and how much he’s been doing with our toddler but honestly this last week I feel like I’ve done just as much. I’ve brought it up again this morning how I’m overwhelmed, overstimulated, tired (I do all night feeds from 10pm-7am) mentally and physically exhausted and again I just got back ‘do you not think I am too’
I’m trying to get him to look into what it’s like to have a baby and the actual changes that happen just so he could get it a little and he just said well I can struggle to you know. So I’ve asked him what I can help with and he can’t tell me. I’m just so drained having to ask him for emotional and mental support as I really am in a dark place. I feel like I’m trying to keep sane for our toddler who is definitely going through his feels as a normal toddler does and I’m trying to manage my emotions with my toddler as well as telling my partner how to talk to him. He’s had 2 days out with him friends to the pub which yes I did say to go but once he was out I realised how much I was struggling and told him and he still didn’t come home because I didn’t physically ask him to come home.
I’m just stuck on what to do. Would it be easier to just leave or am I being blind and can’t see that I’m actually being nasty like he says I am and is it my fault. I just don’t know
Seek outside support asap. In-laws,ur patents, good friends, pp counseling/divulging during wellness checkups to get support. Don't for a second think he or you can do it it all independently ed ppl, especially when there are two of you. That is the advantage of being couled up. It sounds like you two are on different pages, though. Both of y'all are exhausted. When one of yall are working at 30% energy, the other needs to pick up the 70% or vice versa. Life is tough it's even tougher with little humans that are reliant on older, more mature humans. If he doesn't talk to someone, if not you, then maybe he will talk to his parents. Something is brewing .... and th kiddos will live through the dysfunction imitating it all with time. Now is the time to be prime role models for them. Cannot chose to be a parent one day or for 4 days rather than checkout. Doesn't matter if a full-time job leaves you fatigued. Full-time single mothers do it all the time. Bite the bullet if you choose to coparent.